


The girl at the window

by Golly4ever



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 clexa, clarke and lexa - Fandom, clexa - Fandom
Genre: Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, PTSD Lexa, Protective Clarke, Sad Lexa, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-08-10 05:11:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 59,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7831618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Golly4ever/pseuds/Golly4ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first claxa fan fic.. </p><p>Clarke lives in a small boring town, where nothing ever happens . Until someone appears at the window of an old abandoned house in her street...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isnt beta'd so apologises for the grammar .. Hope you like it.. Let me know xx

Clarke was nineteen years old, she lived in a small town called polis, it wasn't somewhere she liked living but she did have some good friends there, Her father died six years ago, he was crushed by heavy machinery at his work place, three years later her mother Abby a doctor remarried and her husband Marcus' job as a police officer took them away from Chicago to this boring small town they now call home . 

"Man I can't wait to go to collage" Raven sulked as her, Clarke and Octavia walked down the street " I mean imagine the parties and the fun we'll gonna have?"

"Yup and to top it off we're all going together "Octavia smiled. 

"As long as I'm out of this shitty town I'm happy" Clarke sighed as she looked up to the sky.. She missed living in a city, she missed the hustle and bustle, she missed the noise. The lights, the people .. Polis was to quiet, it gave her way to much time to think about her life and what she lost . She missed her father, she missed his voice, his smile, he's laughter.. She liked Marcus, she knew he was a good man, he worked hard and treated Clarke like his own.

 

"Hey! Has someone moved into the old Willis house?" The blonde asked looking up at a window of the house the kids in the town call the scary mansion..  
The house was old and had been empty just after Clarke arrived in polis, it was owned by an old couple, who use to run the local store.. Over the years the garden had over grown and you could barely see the porch from the street . 

"I dunno" Raven shrugged "why?" 

"I thought I saw someone at the window!" Clarke replied.  
"Oooo maybe it's a ghost" Octavia teased tickling the blonde making her jump.

"Yeah maybe it's the ghost of old man Willis, I heard he died inside " Raven added "or a murderers set up home there" 

Clarke rolled her eyes " yeah well it would certainly liven the town up a little if that were true" . 

Raven Turned to the house " you know this place would be awesome to hold a party in, I mean it's huge!" 

"Yeah cause one of the biggest houses in the town that's been empty for years suddenly coming to life isn't gonna attract attention " Octavia said sarcastically . 

" well it's a waste don't you think?" Raven sighed .

Clarke felt a little uneasy as she looked up at the window again, she could swear there was someone looking out, watching them maybe? . 

"Well I wouldn't want to go inside" Octavia shuddered " place gives me the creeps. Cmon lets get out of here" 

As the trio left Clarke gave the window one last glance, the widows were dirty and you could barely see the certain But she was sure they moved a little " yeah let's go" .. 

 

"Hey kid" Marcus smiled as Clarke entered the house.

"Hey" Clarke replied " mom at work still?" 

"Yeah she's on a call out, so whatcha been up too?" 

"Not much" Clarke shrugged as she browsed the refrigerator "hey? Have you heard of someone taking over the old Willis house?" 

Marcus shifted a little in his seat which hadn't gone unnoticed by the blonde teen .

"Uh no! Why do you ask?"

" I thought I saw someone at one of the upstairs Windows earlier" Clarke explained " I mean I might have been seeing things but I'm sure the curtains moved "

Marcus picked up his Newspaper opening it to the sports page " well the house is old, I'm surprised it's still standing.. It's probably the wind"

"Mmmm" Clarke hummed sipping her Oj".. 

.... 

"I can't really say Indra " Abby sighed " her scars are healing but the internal effects of what's she's been through are deep, I think she needs more then medical help" 

 

Miss Indra was a pillar of the community,she had lived in polis for around four years and was very respected, she was the head teacher of the local junior high before she retired earlier in the year, the town held a street party in her honour .. Her door was always open to anyone that needed help or advise and what she was best known for was her cooking, everybody loved to eat at Indra's .. 

"I know Abby but she's just not ready for that, I'm not sure she ever will be" 

Abby smiled softly at the older women " well I'm here to help as much as I can, you know that?" 

"I appreciate it" Indra smiled handing the Doctor a freshly cooked casserole " here" she smiled " as a thank you" 

Abby's eyes lite up " oh wow thank you, Clarke will be happy" 

Indra laughed " how's she enjoying the holidays?" 

"She's bored already" Abby moaned " I think she's counting down the days till she heads off to collage" 

"But you're not?" Indra smiled.

"God no, if I could keep her home forever I would" Abby laughed . 

"Well cherish the time you have" 

Abby nodded sadly " it's just gonna take time, your doing everything you can" 

"Thanks Abby" Indra smiled seeing the doctor out . 

... 

The old Willis house was at the bottom of Clarke's street so she had to pass it every day, it had been a week since she thought she saw something at the window, and as much as it did weird her out a little she couldn't help but look and hope she was right and it wasn't her mind playing tricks on her.. 

As she slowly headed towards the house she heard a loud bang and then the front door slam and Miss Indra come rushing out of the garden .. Quickly standing out of sight she watched the older women.. She was standing just by the gate with her hands on her hips, looking to the ground taking deep breaths ... 

 

"I was right" she whispered to herself " there is someone in there"

Clarke wondered if she should let Indra know she was there? She wanted to check if the women was ok?.. Before that could happen Miss Indra's phone rang out, Clarke couldn't hear what she was saying but the women quickly turned and headed back inside.. 

"So I was right!" She stated as she sat with her friends in the local cafe " there is someone at the old Willis house" 

"How do you know?" Octavia asked .

" I saw Miss Indra come out of there" Clarke explained.

"Maybe she's moving in there?" Raven shrugged " or checking on the place, I mean she was really good to the old Willis couple"

Clarke shook her head "no I heard noises then Indra came out side, she looked pissed, then her phone rang and she went back inside, I'm telling you, somethings going on in there" 

"Well I'm not about to go investigating " Octavia cringed " that place is creepy" 

Clarke couldn't shake of the feeling she had about the old house, she wondered what Miss Indra would be doing there, what was the noise she heard? What had the women so shook?.. Why did Marcus look uncomfortable when she asked about it?.. 

Clarke was on a mission to find out what secrets that house held.. 

 

.. 

" Hey mom you home?" she called out as she flipped her shoes off at the door .. 

"In here Honey" she heard her mother call out.

"What's for dinner I'm starv... Oh hi"

Indra was sat at The kitchen table, it was a surprise to Clarke,

"Hello Clarke" the dark skinned women nodded .  
Straight away Clarke knew she had interrupted something .. A conversation that was obviously not for her ears .. 

" I haven't had time to cook honey, maybe you could call for a pizza or something"?

"Ok" Clarke shrugged still standing where she was .. Should she mention the house whilst Indra was sat there? Ask her why she was there?..

"Well I've taken up enough of your time" Indra smiled rising from her chair " thanks Abby" 

"Anytime, and remember what I said ok? I'm always here" 

Indra nodded hugging the Doctor " I'm sure it was just a bad day" she whispered.. 

"So what was that about?" Clarke asked once Indra had left..

" nothing" Abby shrugged " just girl talk" 

Clarke nodded " hey! so do you know if anyone's living at the old Willis house?"

Abby spun around to look at her daughter " what?" 

"The Willis house? Is it occupied now?" 

Abby suddenly clammed up as she busied herself washing dishes " why do you ask?" 

Clarke watched her mom through narrowed eyes " I saw something, at the window" 

" I don't think you did Clarke, that House has been empty for years" 

" yeah that's what I thought but then I saw Miss Indra coming out of there earlier, she looked upset" 

"Clarke!" Abby snapped " the house is empty ok? And I don't want you hanging Around there" 

"Woah!" Clarke laughed " calm down mom, I only asked" 

"Yes well don't" 

" I don't know what the big deal is? I mean if some ones living there thats a good thing right? The place is pretty shabby and let's the street down" 

Abby dried her hands turning to her daughter " Clarke, that house is nothing to do with you or anyone else, just stay away from there "

Ok now Clarke knew that house held a secret, she knew Indra was in on it,now she was sure her mom was too . 

" it has something to do with Miss Indra doesn't it? Is that why she was here? Do you know something?" 

"Clarke?" Abby snapped " Indra's business is just that!.. Her's.. and I'm not asking you, I'm telling you, stay away from there, and do not bring attention to it, do you hear me?" 

Clarke just watched her mother for a moment without saying a word .. 

"I said do you hear me?" Abby asked again .

"Yes" Clarke lied " I hear you" 

"Good" 

 

... 

Clarke worked at the local grocery store, she had done for a while, it wasn't that she enjoyed it but it gave her something to do, on this particular day she was Maning the cash register, it was a slow day, the blonde spent most of her time texting her friends .. 

Raven- my god Clarke, can we please talk about something else?

O - yeah Ravens right if Indra is hiding something in there then leave her to it! 

Clarke- so your not a little interested to know what's going on?

Raven - no!

O- nope, let's face it Clarke you can't fart in this town without people hearing about it, Miss Indra must have her reasons why she's visiting the old place. Just let it go"

Clarke- so your not the least bit concerned that there could be an axe murderer in there?

Raven - my god you're so dramatic Griffen lol 

O-i second that and can you really see Miss Indra hiding a fugitive in some old house in this shitty town? Lol .. Cmon Clarke just stop winding yourself up about it. 

Clarke- fine, I better get back to work.. Later bitches

Raven - xx 

O - xxx 

Clarke's sighed heavily, she expected at least Raven to be inquisitive, she was the one to know everything about everything .. Clarke didn't care what her friends said she wasn't gonna let it go.. She vowed to find out what was in that house if it killed her..


	2. Chapter 2

As Clarke left work she decided to head towards the old house choosing to walk on the other side of the street hoping to get a better look. Once again she watched the window.. "Cmon who ever you are" she said to herself .. 

"Boo" 

Clarke jumped out of her skin, " you fucking idiot" she gasped as her heart rate rose to a thousand beats a minute. 

"Sorry princess" Finn laughed .. 

Finn was Clarke's on off boyfriend, they dated through out high school and after he cheated on her for the second time she ended things " so how you been?" 

"Fine until you almost gave me a heart attack, you don't just creep up on a person " she moaned slowly walking away .. 

"I said sorry" he laughed " I thought it would be funny" 

"I'm not laughing" 

"Ok let me make it up to you! How about I take you out?" The good looking guy asked 

"No!" Clarke snapped " I'm not interested find someone else to mess with" 

"Clarke" he sulked.. 

There is was again, the twitch of the curtains, Clarke was a hundred percent sure this time,Clarke's eyes burned through the window hoping to get a glimpse of whoever was behind them .

"Clarke?" Hey earth to Clarke" Finn laughed waving his hand in front of her face. 

"Piss off Finn" Clarke said swiping his hand away " I'm not interested, now leave me alone" 

"Fine, your loss" he sulked leaving Clarke alone on the street.. 

As Clarke entered her house, she could hear her mother on the phone " no Indra dong be silly, I'll come right away! .. Ok I'll meet you there,.. Don't worry .. See you soon." 

Knowing Abby was unaware of her presences Clarke quickly backed out of the house running to the end of her street, waiting for her mother to leave the house to see where she was going.. Indra's house was on the other side of the town so Clarke knew her mother wasn't going there be she was on foot.. "Medical bag"? Clarke whispered as her mother passed her " why would she need that?" 

The blonde slowly made her way in the same direction as her mother and just as she thought she walked through the gate of the old house, checking no one had seen her.. 

Clarke was clever she had stayed on the opposite side of the street so she wouldn't be seen .. Abby knocked just once and Indra answered straight away .. 

"Thanks for coming" 

"It's ok Indra, where is she?" 

 

"She?" Clarke said out loud " who is she?"

 

Clarke waited around half hour before giving up, deciding it best to head home and wait for Abby to return.. 

"Where's mom?" She asked Marcus.

"No idea" her step father answered stirring whatever it was he was cooking " you hungry?" 

Clarke sat on the kitchen unit near the cooker, something Abby constantly moaned about, but Marcus never did... " I know" 

"Know what kid ?" 

"The secret" Clarke replied " the secret about the Willis house" 

Marcus glanced over at the blonde " oh and what's that?" 

Clarke rolled her eyes and sighed " I know and I think you know and I know mom defiantly knows, she's at the old Willis house" 

"Clarke I don't know what it is with you and that house" 

"It's not the house" the blonde interrupted " it's who's in there?" 

"Who's in where?" Abby asked from the kitchen door.  
Marcus threw is wife a look before going back to the cooker .. 

" I know somethings going on with Indra and that old house down the street and I know you know because I saw you go in, so ?" 

Abby had lost her patience with the constant Questions from her daughter " Clarke I'm not going to keep telling you! Mind your own business" 

"I saw someone mom" Clarke argued " I know there's someone in there and I know it's something to do with Indra and you're helping her" 

"Why can't you just stay out of it" her mother Raised her voice at her " why do you have to keep pushing and pushing?"

"Because" 

Abby sighed heavily, Clarke was so much like her father it broke the women's heart sometimes .. Jake Griffen was just as inquisitive about life as Clarke was.. He was stubborn and once he had something in his head that was it.. And Clarke had inherited that trait . 

"Sit!" Abby pointed to the chair in front of her " what I tell you goes no further do you hear me?" 

Clarke nodded . 

"Ok yes there is someone staying there, she is a family member of Indra's and she's unwell " 

"So why isn't she with Indra at her house?" Clarke frowned " if she's sick surely that house isn't the best place for her?" 

Abby pinched the bridge of her nose " Honey please stop asking questions ok?.. I don't know why she isn't with Indra, all I know is the girl is unwell and Indra asked for my professional help and I'm providing it" 

Clarke nodded "girl? How old is she?" 

Marcus sat next to his step daughter " listen your mom has told you enough" 

"So you do know? I knew it, you're the sheriff of coarse you do" Clarke drummed her fingers on the table " so how old is this girl? I mean she has to be old enough to be there all alone right?" 

"A little older then you" Abby answered " she's staying the house and Indra and I are taking care of her, no one other then the three of us and Indra know she's there and it stays that way! I do not want you telling Octavia and Raven, is that clear?" 

"Yeah" Clarke nodded " so what's wrong with her?" 

" that's not your concern Clarke, now I've told you to much already, I'm begging you drop it" 

"Ok fine" the blonde said Holding her hands up " I won't say anything to anyone" 

"Good girl" Marcus smiled kissing the top of the girls head " let's eat" 

... 

So now Clarke knew there really was someone at the house it didn't stop her curiosity , who was the girl? How ill was she? Was she dying? Was she disabled? .. How often was she at the window? What was she looking for? Did she ever go outside?  
Clarke knew she was pushing her luck but there was something about the house and it's new tenant she couldn't shake off.. 

Her investigation wasn't going to stop because Abby told her to.. She was still on a mission to find out who the mysterious girl was that had moved into her street . 

... 

Just across from the old house was a small grassed area that Clarke and her friends would sit enjoying the sunshine . 

"So I was thinking with my parents going away we should have a little party" Raven sang." Not like an epic one, just us and maybe some hot boys and girls" 

The group talked amongst themselves agree and disagreeing who they would invite . 

"Clarke" 

"Mmmm" Claire hummed 

"Are you listening?" Raven asked " party at mine? Yay or nay?" 

"Sure" Clarke answered her eyes never leaving the window of the old house .

" who do you want to come?" Raven asked 

"Anyone but Finn" was Clarke's reply .

"Agreed" Bellamy, Octavia's brother said " that guys fucking annoying " 

" will you stop staring at that house" Octavia whispered into the blonde's ear .

" I'm not" Clarke protested " I'm over it"

.. 

Like hell she was, she silently sat with her friends counting how many times the curtains moved, so far it was three, she knew the girl inside was watching them .. 

 

INSIDE THE WILLIS HOUSE!.. 

"Indra?" 

" yes?" Indra answered 

"Come here please?" The young girl asked gently as she stood by the window careful not to move the curtains to much .. 

"Who are they?" 

Indra carefully glanced out of the small gap in the curtains " that's just the town kids " the older women explained .

" do they not have anything better to do then sit there all day?" 

Indra laughed " probably not honey, this town isn't really teen friendly.. They're good kids though . The two sat on the bench are the Bellamy twins Octavia and Bellamy, their parents are school teachers, The tall boy is jasper, he lives with his grandmother and the small Latino looking young lady is Raven, she's very bright and helps out people like me with odd jobs around the house, which reminds me I must as he'd about my kitchen tap" 

"And the blonde girl?" 

Indra smiled " the blonde girl is Clarke, she's Abby's child.. They're around your age" 

"I see her pass by all the time, I think she may have seen me" 

"Abby hasn't mentioned it, and Would it be so bad?" Indra asked carefully 

The dark haired girl moved away from the window " yes it would, I don't want anyone to see me" 

Indra nodded, the girl seemed calmer today and she wasn't about to give her a reason to lose her temper or become upset "ok.. Maybe you should rest, I'll finish up your dinner and I'll leave you be" 

"Thank you" 

 

... 

"So how is she really?" Marcus asked over dinner.  
"I don't know" Abby said swallowing the food she had been chewing " some days she's cool and calm, she will let me help, talks to me even, other days I can't even get in the room to her, Indra's trying really hard "

"What are you going to do about Clarke?" 

Abby sighed heavily shaking her head " well I'm hoping what I've told her will keep her from poking around, that girl is so stubborn at times, how many times did I tell her to drop it?" 

Marcus laughed " well she's your daughter, do you really think she's gonna stop asking questions about the girl now she knows she's in there?"

Again Abby shook her head " I just don't want her bothering Indra, having her daughter in the mess she's in is taking its toll on the poor women" 

"Well I'm sure she's glad she has you in her corner honey" Marcus smiled taking both their plates to the kitchen . 

" you know part of me wondered if maybe Clarke could help" Abby mentioned as she followed Marcus " I mean they're around the same age, Clarke's always had a really good attitude and she's compassionate, easy going, gentle, I think the girl needs something or someone like that " 

"But?" 

"But! She won't see anyone, not even to help her, like I said it took weeks for her to allow me inside" Abby continued . " I just hope Clarke let's this go" 

 

The girl at the window had worked out that the blonde girl passed by most days round ten am and again at six pm.. Not everyday some times she wouldn't see her.. 

It's nine fifty am , the girl is at the window watching the world go by when she spots her, she isn't alone today, she's with a Chinese looking guy, he's obviously telling the blonde a funny story because she's laughing, she's laughing so loud the girl at the window can hear it..  
Watching the teens going about their lives makes the girl in the window miss her old self , a time when she was carefree and would hang out with friends, 

She liked the sound of the blonde's laugh, so much so she wanted to see her clearer, forgetting herself for a moment she pushed the curtains open, widening the gap, and in that instant on que the blonde looked up .. Stopping dead still.. Usually she would slowly walk past but today she stopped.. Her eyes working hard to make out the shape of the person looking back at her.. 

"You ok Clarke? Monty asked.

"Uh yeah, I uh I think I forgot something at home, I might need to go back " 

"You want me to come?"

"Uh no!" She smiled looking back at the window, the persons still there. 

" you go on and I'll catch you up" she smiled 

Once her friend Monty had gone,Clarke just stood staring, waiting to see if the girl in the window would be brave enough to show herself, she knew she was still there but couldn't quiet make her out, the Windows were so dirty it blocked a good view .. 

Clarke wanted to make contact,she wouldn't dare knock the door, she maybe still wanting to know more but she was about to be on the receiving end of her mothers temper . 

The curtains twitch again, Clarke knew the moment was almost over so she slowly lifted her hand and waved, 

"She does see me?" The girl in the window said to herself. Should she wave back? Does she want to bring attention to herself? Does she want to know this girl? The girl who checks up on her everyday, the girl who looks for her, waves at her? "

"Are you ok?" Abby asks from the door .

"Yes.. I've just seen your daughter" 

Abby moved into the room a little more "Clarke?" 

The girl nods " does she knows about me?" 

"No, she's seen someone at the window, she's asked questions but she doesn't know who you are" 

"How old is she?" 

"Nineteen" Abby answered " she's heading off to collage soon, she's studying art, I hoped she would follow me into medicine but nope" 

" she needs to do what her heart tells her Abby, no one should be forced into anything they don't want to do" 

" I know" the doctor nodded " and I fully support her," 

Abby watched the girls face for any sign of emotion, usually it's unreadable, empty but today she's brighter, today she's talkative and weirdly it's about someone other then who's in the house. 

"Is that who you see? Is Clarke outside?" 

"She was" the girl answered moving away from the window " now she's not" 

Abby motioned for the girl to take a seat so she could check her scaring " would you like to know more about her?" 

"Why would i"? 

"I don't know!" Abby shrugged " you only see Indra and I, you're a young girl, I imagine you get sick of us oldies" 

The girl didn't reply so Abby decided to talk.. 

" Clarke's an only child, I hoped for more but it just never seemed the right time, she use to ask for a brother very Christmas " Abby laughed " and on the day she would sulk because Santa forgot, 

"Don't most girls want a sister?" 

Abby laughed " yes but not my girl, Clarke aways said she didn't want a sister, because she would touch all her things and take her clothes, which kind of happens anyways, because her friend Raven does all that " 

" she has a lot of friends!" The girl stated

"Yeah, she's outgoing, she's warm and gently and kind, she cares, sometimes way to much for her own good! She has an amazing heart" Abby swooned 

"You must be proud "

"I am, and you know what I love most about her?" Abby smiled, this was the first time the girl allowed her to complete her treatment " she doesn't judge, she sees the good in everyone, when she was twelve she told me she was bi-sexual over breakfast , like it wasn't a big deal and it isn't for us,but some people find it very hard to come out to their families, but not Clarke, she just said it like she was asking the time. 

" I was seventeen when I came out,"

Abby raised her eyebrows , the girl never spoke of herself ever. 

" it was hard for me, not that Indra and my family cared, it's the not knowing how people will react.. Clarke's very brave" 

"So are you!" Abby smiled noticing how the girl braids her hair " would you like to freshen up your braids?" 

"No" the girl snapped standing up " I want to me left alone" 

Abby nodded knowing her time was up " ok I'll see you tomorrow " 

.. 

 

"Raven just the girl I've been looking for?" Miss Indra smiled as she approached the teens table at the local cafe 

"And here I am " Raven grinned " what can I do for you Miss Indra? "

" I was hoping you would come take a look at my kitchen tap, it's been dripping for days I've tried to tighten it but I've made it worse, damn things keeping me up all night" 

"Sure" Raven smiled " when do you want me?" 

Raven was practically a genus, she was heading for a career at NASA, she loved building and blowing up things, she was also an awesome mechanic , her dad was the odd job man around town and Raven followed suit, if something was broke she could more then likely fix it . 

"Well I'm heading home now,and I'll be there for a couple of hours" Indra answered 

" ok! I'll just finish my breakfast and I'll be over" Raven smiled .

Indra said her thank you's and goodbyes and headed home, not before purchasing peanut butter filled croissants.. 

"I'm coming to Indra's with you" Clarke stated.

"You don't have too, it'll probably take a minute or two, you can wait here for the others" 

"I'm coming with you," Clarke argued 

"Are you still curious about that house?" Raven asked 

"No I'm over it now," the blonde lied " I just wanna come with you , I don't wanna wait here on my own"

Raven shrugged motioning for them to leave, she had to stop by her fathers garage to collect some tools and off they headed to Indra's.. 

Indra's house was immaculate, it was warm and homely and had a distinctive smell, a smell that made you feel like you were at home when you entered. Raven got straight on to the job, while Clarke took the opportunity to dig a little about the girl in the house .. 

"You have a lovely home Indra" she smiled

"Aww thanks Clarke, i like it" Indra smiled back " can I offer you something to eat? Drink?" 

"Oh no thanks I'm good, we just had croissant's at the cafe" Clarke said 

" mmm I'm not a fan of those things I have to say" Indra Grimaced " it's the texture I'm not a fan of" 

Clarke nodded remembering Indra's order at the cafe "the peanut butter croissants must be for the girl at the house" she thought to herself... 

Clarke slowly made her way into the living space, luckily for her Indra's house was open plan so it didn't look like she was Snooping.

On Indra's mantel piece were some old photos , one of what looked like Indra as a young women holding a small boy " your son?" Clarke asked pointing to the picture .

"Yes" Indra grinned approaching Clarke " that's my one and only son Lincoln , he's not so small now " the women laughed picking up another photo.. This time there were three people in the picture , a very handsome rugged looking man with two girls , all three were grinning at whoever was taking the picture .. 

"These are my children, Lincoln,Anya and lexa" 

Clarke wasn't blind she could see that the girls were not biologically Indra's, one was of oriental origin, the other white, Clarke wondered how these two became Indra's children .. 

"They are a very handsome Bunch" Clarke smiled looking down at the picture wondering which one of the girls lived in the house. 

"I've never seen them before, do they visit?" 

"Oh god no" Indra laughed " my kids are city kids, they wouldn't last a week here, I visit them though" 

"Where do they live?" Clarke asked 

"New York" 

"Oh wow,I'm going to collage in New York " Clarke smiled 

"Your mom told me" Indra nodded . 

" so are your kids at school?" 

Indra shook her head " no they are or were in the military, they each done three years , Lincoln and Anya " Indra continued pointing to the Asian girl in the photo " now own a chain of bars and gyms together, they are doing very well for themselves" 

"And this one?" Clarke asked pointing to the brunette with the biggest smile .. 

That's Lexa" Indra smiled her voice full of sadness " Lexa is my youngest, she's twenty one almost, she's taking some time out, but I'm sure she will follow her brother and sister into their business' one day" 

Clarke looked deeply at the smiling face in the frame, "that's her.. That's the girl in the window." She thought to herself .. 

 

Lexa woods.. A child of the state, abandoned at birth by her drug addict mother hours after being born .. Indra's mother was a nurse at the hospital and took care of Lexa.. She fell in love with the girl and when it was time for the child services to take Lexa, Indra's mother couldn't let her go.. 

Instead Lexa went home with her.. When Lexa was three Indra's mother become unwell and sadly was unable to care for the toddler, so Indra a single mother herself stepped in and lexa become her child.. A child Indra adored and a little sister for four year old Lincoln . 

When Lexa was eight she came home from school to see another young girl at her house, Indra explained that Anya would be living with them and that was that.. Lexa had a mother and two siblings.. Life was good for them, Indra taught them right from wrong and made sure the three of them were close, defending each other when ever it was needed ..  
When Lincoln hit seventeen he joined the army.. Lexa missed him, shortly after Anya followed in his footsteps and joined leaving Lexa to wonder where her life would lead her.. Reading her siblings letters and seeing the good they were doing, Lexa decided to keep it in the family and join up herself .. 

Lexa was a great soldier, she was fearless,and brave,a true leader which earned her the Nick Name "the commander" .. 

Once Lincoln and Anya's three years service was up they decided to go into business .. Lincoln being a fitness buff wanted to open a chain of gyms, while Anya loved to party.. So after much arguing they settled on a bar and some gyms.. After much blood, sweat and tears "grounds gyms and the trikru bar was open.. 

Lexa had no interest in leaving the forces, the day after her siblings opened their bar she was deployed to Iraq .. Things ran smoothly and once the Army had brought peace to the town they were in, they were heading home.. Three days before they were due to leave Lexa was caught up in a blast, a hidden bomb had gone off under their truck. 

Lexa's comrades were killed, Lexa being the only survivor. she was burnt, her back taking the brunt of it.. She was flown home for treatment, with Indra, Anya and Lincoln by her side.. As Lexa's body healed it was obvious the girl her family once knew had died that day .. She hardly spoke,she never smiled, she lost her identity, the fun, loving, cheerful girl had gone and replaced with a quiet, cold,broken version of her old self..  
She wouldn't allow her family to help and told then she wished she died.. After weeks of assessments Lexa was discharged from her job with post dramatic stress disorder.. They paid her well and wished her the best of luck with the rest of her life.. 

Lexa didn't want a life without her job, she didn't want to be the person she was. 

Once she was home her family tried their best to bring the old her back, to remind her she was loved and life was worth living .. Lexa however didn't believe that.. She tired to take her own life with a pot of pills to no avail.. Anya found her in time and saved her life .. 

"Take me away from here" Lexa whispered to Indra one night as she lay beside her after a bad dream. " I can't stand the noise, I need peace, I need to be alone" 

Indra explained to her other kids that Lexa would be better off going to polis with her so she can recover properly and in her own time.. So that's how she ended up at the old Willis house.. She refused to live with Indra, she knew Indra was a popular lady and had visitors all the time.. The old Willis house hadn't been used since the old couple passed away so it was perfect for Lexa... 

Indra spoke to Marcus Kane because he was the sheriff and needed to know what was happening in the town.. He offered to help Indra with getting the house ready and Abby stepped in to help.. Indra explained Lexa's problems and ask Abby if she would privately care for her daughter.. It took three weeks for Lexa to allow Abby into her room to see her.. 

Abby couldn't help but notice just how beautiful the broken girl was .. Her heart broke for her and she selfishly thanked God it wasn't Clarke . 

Lexa didn't say much to the doctor, but Abby could see she was older then her years, war does that to a person.. she thought to herself.. 

.. 

Now Clarke was sure it was the younger daughter of Indra, she couldn't stop thinking about her.. She was beautiful, her eyes as green as grass,her smile as bright as the sun, what had happened to the young girl that was so bad she hid away?

Clarke knew her mom was going to go ballistic but she didn't care.. So when she got home she was going to tell her mom what she knew and hope Abby would give her the information she wanted.. 

 

"Well you have a very beautiful family Indra" Clarke smiled "and I can see your very proud of them" 

"I am Clarke, my children are the best" 

"Well I hope to meet them someday" Clarke nodded looking down at Lexa's face again.. 

"Done" Raven smiled as she stood next to Indra wiping her hands " oooo who's the hotties ?" She gushed looking at the photo in Indra's hands 

"They're Indra's kids" Clarke answered 

"Witwoo Miss Indra" Raven laughed " that some serious hotness in the pic, when do they come to town?" 

Indra laughed " oh Raven you would certainly hit it off with Anya" she pointed to Anya in the photo " the two of you are very alike" 

Once Clarke and Raven left Indra's stocked up with food, Like always , Raven laughed " I wouldn't mind getting to know Indra's kids, talk about spoilt for choice " 

Clarke laughed along, deciding to keep her new found information to herself, she couldn't keep her promise to her mother to let it go, but the least she could do was keep it to herself.. 

At dinner Clarke was quiet, she couldn't stop imagining the girl in the photo. 

"You ok Clarke?" Marcus asked " your not under the weather are you?" 

Abby placed her hand on her daughters forehead " you don't feel hot" 

"I'm fine" Clarke answered waving her mothers hand away. 

A little while later Clarke couldn't keep it to herself no more " so i was at Indra's today with Raven," 

Marcus and Abby shared a look before turning to their daughter " yes?" 

"Her name's Lexa isn't it?.. The girl at the house? It's Indra's younger daughter isn't it?

Abby rolled her eyes " Clarke?" 

Indra showed me photos of her kids," Clarke began to explain " when she mentioned Lexa,she seemed really sad, she told me how Lincoln and Anya run business in New York, but when it was time to speak of Lexa she clammed up" 

" just tell her Honey, she won't stop until you do" Marcus said to his wife. 

Abby turned to her daughter " ok yes little Miss Detective, it is Indra's younger daughter Lexa, she's staying at the house while she recovers, she was hurt on her tour of Iraq,and because of her injuries she was discharged from the army. Lexa isn't coping well with that and has something called post traumatic stress disorder so she's here in polis" 

Clarke had tears in her eyes for the young girl,her heart broke for her, and what she had been through " why here though? Why all alone in that house with only you and Indra for company?" 

"She has depression Clarke " Abby sighed " she wants to hide away, she doesn't want to live anymore, not when she's not the same person she was, who you see in them photos at Indra's is not the girl that lives at the Willis house" 

" she is" Clarke argued 

"She isn't Clarke, you don't know her, you don't see her, you know nothing honey" 

"She's there mom, just because she's lost doesn't mean she's not the same person she was, she just has to find her again, and that's never gonna happen hiding away with that big old crappy house" 

Abby's heart burst with pride at the maturity of her young daughter, she really did Amaze her at times " Honey firstly? the house inside isn't like the outside, it's very clean and tidy, secondly? I know you have a good heart and you care but really you need to give up on this, Lexa doesn't want help, Indra and I are trying, she is so closed off, she spends hours alone in that room of hers, I would love to believe that she could become the girl she once was, but seriously honey? I don't think that will ever happen " 

"Maybe she needs more then you and Indra" Clarke stated " maybe she need a friend"? 

"Oh no! No way Clarke" Abby refused realising what Clarke was getting at " you are to stay away from that house, Lexa has already noticed you taking an interest" 

"She has? So she does see me?" 

"Yes" Abby answered " and you snooping maybe upset her so stop" 

"What did she say?" Clarke smiled " you know about me?" 

"Nothing!" Abby snapped " she says nothing about nothing Clarke, just that she sees you a lot walking past, little does she know it's not coincidence " 

Clarke rolled her eyes " well I do have to walk past so it's not complete snooping " 

"Do not let me hear you've been to that house" Abby warned " there's no point me telling you to stop being nosy because it's obvious you don't listen, but I am warning you, so not step foot into that garden! Are we clear?" 

"Yes ma'am " Clarke sighed " but you know if Lexa happens to mention me again you could say I'd be willing to keep her company, you know if she wants?" 

Abby stroked her daughters face " that's very sweet of you Clarke but Lexa doesn't want friends or company's . 

Clarke didn't be line that at all.. Yes Lexa was lost and hiding but everyone needs someone right? Life's To long to go it alone!" 

Operation: get to know Lexa was in motion.


	3. Chapter 3

THIS IS A SHORT CHAPTER.. AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ASKED .. YES THIS IS A SLOW BURN ... 

 

Clarke woke early, the face in the photo at Indra's consumed her dream.. Her need to know this girl grew stronger by the day.. 

"Clarke?" Her mother called tapping on her room door " you awake?" 

" Uh huh" Clarke replied as Abby opened her door " I'm heading out now, I'll be home for dinner ok?" 

"Are you going to see Lexa?" Clarke asked as she sat up right in her bed " can I come?" 

"No Clarke!, cmon honey we've been through this!" 

"Can't you ask her? " Clarke asked " I mean see if she wants some new company ?" 

"Baby! I'm not asking Lexa ok? Please drop this" 

Clarke rolled her eyes slumping back down onto her pillow " fine" 

Abby also rolled her eyes, knowing her words had no meaning to her daughter " I'll see you later" .. 

 

Raven stopped by, helping herself to the food in the fridge as usual " man your mom needs to stop buying this soya milk shit" she sulked " I mean what the fuck is it? What's wrong with good old cows milk?" 

Clarke shrugged " she's on some health kick thing," 

Raven shut the fridge door settling on a apple " what's with you lately? You've been really off" 

" I haven't" Clarke answered 

"Uh actually you have, I messaged you twice last night and you didn't reply, you always reply" 

Clarke sighed she wanted to share her findings with her best friend but she didn't want to betray Lexa, even if she didn't know her, she knew she wanted to stay hidden and her mom would kill her. 

" I've just been busy, you know prep for collage, we still haven't decided if we're gonna get an apartment or stay at the dorms yet?" 

"Yeah I know, well I'm up for an apartment, however Octavia reminded me that all the best party's are in the dorms" the small brunette grinned . 

"Yeah I know, but an apartment would give us the peace to study, and I have to do well or my mom will never let me live it down that I didn't go into medicine" Clarke moaned . 

"Well let's talk to O about it and make a decision..., oh house hunting would be so fun! Maybe we could talk the parents into letting us go to nyc for a weekend" ? 

Clarke frowned " yeah cause that's gonna happen " she laughed " shell we do something?"

"Yeah let's go for food, your moms seriously starving me" 

Clarke laughed as they headed out the door " you do know you don't actually live here right?" 

"That's a minor Griff" Raven laughed. 

 

Clarke was a little disappointed when she pasted Lexa's and she wasn't at the window, now she knew who the girl was inside,she decided it wasn't really the Willis' house anymore.. So know the creepy house at the bottom of the street was now Lexa's place.. 

 

" are you still playing detective?" Raven asked as she noticed Claire staring at the house . 

"No" Clarke shrugged " my mom said that Indra was just clearing it out, I guess what I saw was just Indra " 

"Cool" Raven shrugged forgetting the conversation " so my party! Shell I put a theme on it? You know so we can dress up?"

Clarke shook her head " Ray it's not really a special occasion, I say keep it casual, and please tell me you didn't invite Finn?"

"No I didn't invite Finn, it's all drama with you two and it's meant to be a party" Raven stated " so no ex's at all" 

"Good! And it's not drama" Clarke argued " it's him not taking no for an answer" 

... 

 

"How are you feeling today Lexa"? Abby asked when Lexa finally came out of her room . 

"Fine" Lexa shrugged.

"Would you like me to take a look at your scaring today!?" 

"No,but I do need some pain killers" the brunette said 

"Ok I can give you two now, and leave you two for later?" Abby offered.

" Abby I'm not a child, I do know how to dispense medication" Lexa sulked 

"I know honey," Abby sympathised " but you know I can't leave the bottle here" 

"What incase I try to top myself again?" Lexa said sarcastically " chance would be a fine thing" 

"Lexa!" 

"I'm not going to over dose Abby" Lexa argued " I just want some pain relief, so give me the pills ... Please" 

Abby handed over some pain killers and a glass of water, " can I ask where the pain is?.. Maybe I could help?"

Lexa washed the pills down with the water " can you erase the last year?" 

Lexa watched as Abby's face fell.. "Didn't think so" she said heading back up stairs leaving Abby to sigh heavily .. 

... 

"I'm trying my best here Indra, but Lexa is stubborn " Abby sighed sipping her coffee as the two sat at a small table in the local cafe.. " it's like one step forward two steps back" 

"I know, I know" Indra agreed " yesterday she seemed calmer and then today she wouldn't even let me in her room, I just don't know what else to do" 

Abby touched the darker women's hand " you're doing all you can, maybe it's time to look at other options, I know a very good doctor" 

" no!" Indra interrupted "no shrink, Lexa would not allow it, and the last thing I want to do is push her" 

" ok, what about Clarke?" 

"Clarke?" Indra frowned .. 

" ok" Abby shifted in her seat " that kid of mine saw Lexa at the window, well not Lexa but a someone, she also saw you coming out of the house so she's been asking questions, I've been trying to defer her but she's not having none of it, at your house the other day you showed her pictures of your kids and she worked it out .. She knows Lexa is at the house"

Indra's shoulders hung low," how? Ive been so careful"

" it's not you, it's her, she's like a detective, however now she knows Lexa's there, she's asking more and more questions" 

"You told her?"

"I had no choice Indra" Abby sighed " she's been sworn to secrecy, she won't say anything .. She wants to help" 

"Help! How ?" Indra frowned "how can Clarke help Lexa?"

"She's offering friendship" Abby explained " she's asked if Lexa needs a friend?" 

"Not gonna happen" Indra warned " there is no way Lexa will let anyone into that house, especially someone like Clarke, someone her age, someone as beautiful as Clarke, someone who will remind her of what she once was" 

" lexa has expressed an interest in Clarke, she asked me about her the other day, she sees her from the window" Abby told the concerned women " I think she might" 

Indra shook her head " if we go in there and mention this Lexa will go crazy, her violent outburst are few and far between now and there is no way I'm going to allow that to change" 

Abby nodded in agreement, thinking for a movement " ok what if Clarke was to try herself?" 

"How so?"

Abby shrugged drumming her fingers on the table " I don't know, I will leave that up to Clarke, the girl has defied me every step of the way so I'm sure if we were to allow her to try she will, she thinks Lexa is still the girl she once was, she said she's just lost and needs someone to remind her of that"

Indra smiled, she too believed that. " she's a good kid.. I guess it wouldn't hurt.. I mean to let Clarke try" 

"I'll talk to her" 

" could I?" Indra asked " If Clarke wants to know who Lexa is? Who better to tell her then me?" 

"I think that's a good idea" Abby smiled " I'll send her over when she gets home" .


	4. Chapter 4

THIS IS A SHORT CHAPTER.. AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE ASKED .. YES THIS IS A SLOW BURN ... 

 

Clarke woke early, the face in the photo at Indra's consumed her dream.. Her need to know this girl grew stronger by the day.. 

"Clarke?" Her mother called tapping on her room door " you awake?" 

" Uh huh" Clarke replied as Abby opened her door " I'm heading out now, I'll be home for dinner ok?" 

"Are you going to see Lexa?" Clarke asked as she sat up right in her bed " can I come?" 

"No Clarke!, cmon honey we've been through this!" 

"Can't you ask her? " Clarke asked " I mean see if she wants some new company ?" 

"Baby! I'm not asking Lexa ok? Please drop this" 

Clarke rolled her eyes slumping back down onto her pillow " fine" 

Abby also rolled her eyes, knowing her words had no meaning to her daughter " I'll see you later" .. 

 

Raven stopped by, helping herself to the food in the fridge as usual " man your mom needs to stop buying this soya milk shit" she sulked " I mean what the fuck is it? What's wrong with good old cows milk?" 

Clarke shrugged " she's on some health kick thing," 

Raven shut the fridge door settling on a apple " what's with you lately? You've been really off" 

" I haven't" Clarke answered 

"Uh actually you have, I messaged you twice last night and you didn't reply, you always reply" 

Clarke sighed she wanted to share her findings with her best friend but she didn't want to betray Lexa, even if she didn't know her, she knew she wanted to stay hidden and her mom would kill her. 

" I've just been busy, you know prep for collage, we still haven't decided if we're gonna get an apartment or stay at the dorms yet?" 

"Yeah I know, well I'm up for an apartment, however Octavia reminded me that all the best party's are in the dorms" the small brunette grinned . 

"Yeah I know, but an apartment would give us the peace to study, and I have to do well or my mom will never let me live it down that I didn't go into medicine" Clarke moaned . 

"Well let's talk to O about it and make a decision..., oh house hunting would be so fun! Maybe we could talk the parents into letting us go to nyc for a weekend" ? 

Clarke frowned " yeah cause that's gonna happen " she laughed " shell we do something?"

"Yeah let's go for food, your moms seriously starving me" 

Clarke laughed as they headed out the door " you do know you don't actually live here right?" 

"That's a minor Griff" Raven laughed. 

 

Clarke was a little disappointed when she pasted Lexa's and she wasn't at the window, now she knew who the girl was inside,she decided it wasn't really the Willis' house anymore.. So know the creepy house at the bottom of the street was now Lexa's place.. 

 

" are you still playing detective?" Raven asked as she noticed Claire staring at the house . 

"No" Clarke shrugged " my mom said that Indra was just clearing it out, I guess what I saw was just Indra " 

"Cool" Raven shrugged forgetting the conversation " so my party! Shell I put a theme on it? You know so we can dress up?"

Clarke shook her head " Ray it's not really a special occasion, I say keep it casual, and please tell me you didn't invite Finn?"

"No I didn't invite Finn, it's all drama with you two and it's meant to be a party" Raven stated " so no ex's at all" 

"Good! And it's not drama" Clarke argued " it's him not taking no for an answer" 

... 

 

"How are you feeling today Lexa"? Abby asked when Lexa finally came out of her room . 

"Fine" Lexa shrugged.

"Would you like me to take a look at your scaring today!?" 

"No,but I do need some pain killers" the brunette said 

"Ok I can give you two pills now, and leave you two for later?" Abby offered.

" Abby I'm not a child, I do know how to dispense medication" Lexa sulked 

"I know honey," Abby sympathised " but you know I can't leave the bottle here" 

"What incase I try to top myself again?" Lexa said sarcastically " chance would be a fine thing" 

"Lexa!" 

"I'm not going to over dose Abby" Lexa argued " I just want some pain relief, so give me the pills ... Please" 

Abby handed over some pain killers and a glass of water, " can I ask where the pain is?.. Maybe I could help?"

Lexa washed the pills down with the water " can you erase the last year?" 

Lexa watched as Abby's face fell.. "Didn't think so" she said heading back up stairs leaving Abby to sigh heavily .. 

... 

"I'm trying my best here Indra, but Lexa is stubborn " Abby sighed sipping her coffee as the two sat at a small table in the local cafe.. " it's like one step forward two steps back" 

"I know, I know" Indra agreed " yesterday she seemed calmer and then today she wouldn't even let me in her room, I just don't know what else to do" 

Abby touched the darker women's hand " you're doing all you can, maybe it's time to look at other options, I know a very good doctor" 

" no!" Indra interrupted "no shrink, Lexa would not allow it, and the last thing I want to do is push her" 

" ok, what about Clarke?" 

"Clarke?" Indra frowned .. 

" ok" Abby shifted in her seat " that kid of mine saw Lexa at the window, well not Lexa but a someone, she also saw you coming out of the house so she's been asking questions, I've been trying to defer her but she's not having none of it, at your house the other day you showed her pictures of your kids and she worked it out .. She knows Lexa is at the house"

Indra's shoulders hung low," how? Ive been so careful"

" it's not you, it's her, she's like a detective, however now she knows Lexa's there, she's asking more and more questions" 

"You told her?"

"I had no choice Indra" Abby sighed " she's been sworn to secrecy, she won't say anything .. She wants to help" 

"Help! How ?" Indra frowned "how can Clarke help Lexa?"

"She's offering friendship" Abby explained " she's asked if Lexa needs a friend?" 

"Not gonna happen" Indra warned " there is no way Lexa will let anyone into that house, especially someone like Clarke, someone her age, someone as beautiful as Clarke, someone who will remind her of what she once was" 

" lexa has expressed an interest in Clarke, she asked me about her the other day, she sees her from the window" Abby told the concerned women " I think she might" 

Indra shook her head " if we go in there and mention this Lexa will go crazy, her violent outburst are few and far between now and there is no way I'm going to allow that to change" 

Abby nodded in agreement, thinking for a movement " ok what if Clarke was to try herself?" 

"How so?"

Abby shrugged drumming her fingers on the table " I don't know, I will leave that up to Clarke, the girl has defied me every step of the way so I'm sure if we were to allow her to try she will, she thinks Lexa is still the girl she once was, she said she's just lost and needs someone to remind her of that"

Indra smiled, she too believed that. " she's a good kid.. I guess it wouldn't hurt.. I mean to let Clarke try" 

"I'll talk to her" 

" could I?" Indra asked " If Clarke wants to know who Lexa is? Who better to tell her then me?" 

"I think that's a good idea" Abby smiled " I'll send her over when she gets home" 

 

.....   
Clarke's phone beeped.... 

 

Mom - hey honey, so I've told Indra that you know what's going on at the Willis house! I've also explained how you want to help, she's will to allow you to try but would like to talk to you about Lexa. So if you want to help and it stops you being so nosy? Get your butt to her house when you can .. Make sure you use your manners and don't ask to many questions ok? Love you x 

 

"I gotta go" Clarke tells her friend as she stood up. 

"What? Why?" Raven moaned " we just got here!"

" I know! Sorry Ray but my mom wants me to get home, I dunno why she didnt say" 

"Man Abby's really gripping my shit, first she staves me and now she's fucking with my social life" 

Clarke laughed at her friends exaggeration " I'll text you later ok?" 

Clarke hurried out of the cafe and headed to Indra's, part of her worried that Indra might be pissed at her for sticking her nose in.. As She approached the dark skinned ladies house, she was already on the porch waiting ..   
"Hello Clarke" 

Clarke waved as she closed the garden gate behind her .

"I'm glad you came, she'll we?" Indra offered opening the front door ..

Clarke stepped inside waiting for Indra to lead the way .. She had been in Indra's house on many occasions, but this time she was nerves, her hands were clammy and she wasn't sure where to look .

"Relax Clarke" Indra laughed seeing the teens nervousness " I don't bite honey, sit" 

Clarke smiled as she took the offered chair, on the table were photos albums, and as usual something to snack on .. 

"So your mother informs me you've been playing detective" Indra says with a smile showing Clarke she wasn't angry. 

"I'm sorry Indra, I didn't mean to intrude, I just saw someone at the window one day, and then I saw you coming from the house and you looked upset. And I .. "

"Clarke take it easy" Indra interrupted " I'm not mad sweetheart, it's ok, but now you know I would like to take some time with you, to introduce you to Lexa" 

Clarke nodded watching at Indra poured her a cup of tea, 

"Lexa came to live me and my then husband Gustus when she was very small, I knew her mother, she sadly was a drug addict and it ended up killing her, Lexa was heading into the care system and I couldn't allow that," Indra began " Lexa was always such a happy child, funny too. Always up to something, she use to drive her siblings crazy.. See here?" Indra pointed to a photo inside the album in front of her " this was on vacation, Lincoln had insisted we went camping, hours into the trip and he wanted to go home, seems my little boy wasn't a fan of bugs" 

Clarke laughed a little looking at the picture.. It was of a very young Lexa holding bugs in her hands . 

"Once Lexa cottoned on to the fact he was afraid she collected a load of bugs and chased him for hours " Indra smiled fondly.. "He cried and cried" 

" so she was trouble?" Clarke laughed 

"Mmm," Indra hummed agreeing " when her and Anya came into our lives Lincoln was so happy, he had two small sisters to look after, and boss around, again that backfired because what he actually got was two very head strong girls who ganged up on him, they still do too" 

Clarke sipped her tea slowly taking in all of Indra's words, the way she smiled at every Photo in the albums. 

" see this?" Indra slid the photo album " this was Lexa's seventeenth birthday,"

The photo showed Lexa with a birthday sash over her shoulder and she was blowing out candles " this was just before she sighed up,that was an awesome day, we spent it at the beach, Lexa loves the water, she loves sitting on the beach watching the sun set, she use to say it made her feel alive,and that the sky looked like the entrance to heaven " 

Clarke gasped she too use to say the same thing, when her dad died she use to tell herself that's where we went, through the clouds into the beauty sunset, " I think it does too" 

Indra nodded " lex's had the biggest smile, her laugh was so infectious, just her laugh alone could make the grumpiest of people smile, I miss that" 

Clarke felt her eyes fill up, seeing Indra be so brave holding her emotions in made Clarke want to hug her.. 

 

" Clarke? I know you want to help and I Believe maybe just maybe you could help my daughter, but I have to tell you, Lexa isn't this girl" Indra pointed to the photo " Lexa is an angry and she's cold and distant, she can be violent" 

"To you?" Clarke asked scared of the answer.   
"No! God no" Indra gasped " Lexa wouldn't hurt me, not intentionally, but she had outbursts, she throws things, she smashes up her room and she's been known to hurt herself" 

"Like self harm?" 

"No!" Indra shook her head " Clarke Lexa has tried to take her own life, what she seen at war and what she lost? It's to much for her, her nightmares are to real to her, she couldn't take it,she wanted it to stop so she tried to end her life, if it wasn't for Anya she wouldn't be here, that was when she begged me to take her away from New York, this is why she's here," 

Clarke wiped a tear from her cheek "wow" 

" can you understand now why I'm not sure if befriending Lexa is a good idea? It's a lot to take on Clarke, even if she allows you in to her life, there will be days where she will push you away, shun you, say mean things to you, you don't need that in your live sweetheart, you have the holidays to enjoy yourself with your friends, your about to embark on a new chapter in your life.. I know mean well, but your mom and I struggle with Lexa, I don't want to burden you with it" 

Clarke nodded listening carefully to every detail of what Indra has shared, and if she's honest it did shock her, but not in who Lexa has become but in how she got to be that person, how can someone so alive and beautiful become so closed off..?

"Miss Indra, I understand that the girl in this picture isn't the girl at the window, I can't imagine even going through half of what she's been though, I mean it's only be a year since I stopped having a curfew, but I really want to help, I mean who's to say Lexa would even want to be my friend?.. I don't believe the old Lexa is gone, I know she will never come back fully, but in time people heal, they accept what they've lost or what has happened in their lives and they learn to live with it .. I really do think that Lexa can get better and I wanna help.. Or at least try... If you'll let me?" 

Indra wiped her cheeks " Clarke you really are a credit to your mom, she should be so proud of you.. I would love nothing more then for Lexa to have someone as good as you in her life, I just don't know how you will manage it? I can not ask her, she will feel like she's been spoke about,like I'm trying to force something on her" 

Clarke took the older women's hand in her own giving her a reassuring squeeze " you leave that part up to me" she smiled " I'll think of something" .. 

 

Once Clarke left Indra's she took the long way home. She needed time to process what Indra had told her, she was saddened that the girl had been though so much in her short life... How brave she must have been, how much courage it would take to fight for your county, to be a leader so young?

Clarke turned into her street deciding to cross the road.. The Willis house in front of her .. Her eyes wondered to the bedroom window like they always do and low and behold there she was .. The shadow Clarke had long to see, the twitch of the curtain, the slight movement that lets Clarke now that Lexa is looking at her too.. Clarke raises her hand and waves again.. " cmon Lexa, come say hi" she says to herself ... 

 

Lexa frowns as she watches the girl stand outside the gate waving, why does she do that? What does she expect me to do? Why would she waste her time on someone she does know? .. These were all the things Lexa wondered .. Lexa for a second contemplated waving back but something stops her ... Maybe next time she will.. Maybe the time after that? Or Maybe one day.. Maybe one day she will let the girl from the street know she sees her ...


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey ma" Clarke called out as she entered their kitchen " does Lexa have stuff to keep her busy?, you know like a laptop or an iPod?"

"Good morning to you to honey" Abby said wiping her mouth with a napkin "and I don't know, I don't think so, I mean I've never seen her with anything like that"

Clarke slides into the chair next to her mom " so what does she do all day?" 

Abby puffed her cheeks out " not to much Clarke, she mostly looks out of the window, although I have noticed a lot of books in her room, so I'm guessing she reads"

" mmm" the blonde sighed drumming her fingers on the table " I need an in, like something that can draw her attention, I mean I wave, which she probably thinks really strange" she said with a giggle. 

"Are you sure about this sweetheart? " Abby asked a little concerned " I mean Indra did explain to you how Lexa is right?" 

"Yes mom" Clarke rolled her eyes " and I'm sure, like I said she might not want to know me, so you'll have nothing to worry about" 

"It's not that, it's"..

"Ok so who's making me breakfast?" Raven said with a grin as she walking through the back door, bringing the mother, daughter conversation to a halt .

" Good morning Raven" Abby smiled nodding to Clarke to let her know they will continue their talk another time .

Raven opened the fridge bringing out some juice" Abs you really need to change your eating habit, it's killing me" 

Clarke laughed as did Abby " and what is wrong with my eating habits?" 

"Well for starters milk, I can't eat my cereal with Soya milk," Raven sulked " and banana chips are not chips, they're dried up fruit it's not good!" 

"Oh really" Abby chucked " well Raven I can only apologise I don't cater to your needs, I'll remember you next time I got to the grocery store" 

"I'm sensing sarcasm doc" Raven said eyeing the smirking blonde " but I'll let it pass this time" 

"Why thank you, ok so I'm heading out" Abby said standing up from the table " I'll be home later ok?" She nodded kissing her daughters head.. 

 

"Mom wait" Clarke called out closing the kitchen door a little so Raven couldn't hear " are you heading to see lexa?" 

" I have a home visit first but yes, I'll be there this afternoon" 

" well I um.. I hope she's ok" Clarke smiled sadly not really knowing what she could say " I'm gonna help Raven with her party stuff today so I'll be back tonight ok?" 

Abby smiled kissing Clarke's cheek " love you" 

.. 

"What was that about?" Raven asked 

"Nothing, I was just letting her know I'll be home later" Claire answered with a smile " so party stuff?"

"Yes" Raven fist pumped " ok so I've decided you were right about the dressing up thing, so I'm gonna just keep it casual.. My parents are going away for the night so that's a bonus, I'm thinking a beer keg, jasper knows a guy that can arrange that on the cheap, I don't know where it comes from and I'm not gonna ask..all the booze is covered, I have vodka,wine, jack Daniels, some tequila, Bellamy is rooting for body shots, but then he would because he's one big pervert and then there's" .. 

"Raven, Raven" Clarke interrupted waving her hands " calm down and breath " She laughed " you're rambling" 

"Sorry" Raven sighed taking a deep breath" I'm just excited" 

"So am I, but if you don't breath then it's gonna be a birthday party without the guest of honour " Clarke teased " cmon lets go meet O " 

..... 

Clarke, Raven and octavia hit the shops to look for something to wear for the party.. 

"O you can look better then me, it's my party bitch" Raven sulked as she looked at octavia checking herself out in the mirror 

" Raven, you're gonna look stunning" O argued 

" O you look hot as hell in that dress" Clarke smiled.. 

" you checking me out Griffen? You wanna piece of me ?" O teased

"In that dress? Hell ya" Clarke winked " expect I know how bad your farts are so its completely put me off" 

Raven laughed hysterically Octavia's shocked face.. 

" fuck you bitches I do not smell" O argued " you know I can easily find new friends " 

"Yeah but they won't be as cool as us" Raven argued ticking the dark haired girls side " or put up with your stinky ass" 

"Awww babe I'm kidding?" Clarke laughed seeing O's sad pout "don't look so sad, we love you anyways" 

" I'm seriously going off you two, and Ray, I'm so buying this dress to look better then you" 

Raven shrugged " fine, I don't mind a bit of eye candy, and your ass does look good in that " the brunette smirked .. 

Once they all had their outfits and shoes purchased they headed to a burger place for lunch .. Where they met monty and jasper ..

"So listen to this" monty grinned " my grandparents have a cabin booked for a week and now my grandpa has to have an operation they can't go" 

"Oh poor gramps" Raven sympathised .

"Poor gramps nothing " Jasper laughed " it means the cabin in empty and monty here has talked them into letting us head up there, what is it you called me pal?" He asked monty.. 

"I said it would be a final fairwell trip, then made them feel bad about how much I'm gonna miss you guys when we all head to collage" 

"And they fell for it?" Clarke asked 

"Would you not believe this face?" Monty pointed to his chin giving the blonde his best innocent face causing her to laugh ..

" when are you thinking?" Clarke asked 

"A week Saturday.. so you all in?" Jasper asked..

"I'm in" Raven nodded.

"Me too,providing bell goes" octavia said " my parents won't say no if he goes" 

"He's in" monty explained " so is Harper,Murphy,echo,so far "

"Clarke?" Raven smiled..

"I don't know yet" the blonde replied 

"Clarke?" They all sulked in unison 

"What I have to ask my mom" the blonde argued convincingly "I'll let you know" 

"Anyways in other news" jasper smiled " monty here has finally bagged a date with harps" 

"No way?" Raven gasped 

"How?" O asked

"Did you finally find the courage to ask her out?" Clarke added

"Nope!" Monty laughed " I couldn't talk to her, everytime i tried my words got stuck in my throat and I began to sweat,so I wrote her a letter instead" 

"Loser" Raven laughed 

"Worked didn't it" the Chinese boy blushed" we're going out tomorrow night" 

"That's it" Clarke said

"What's it?" Octavia asked 

"What?.. " Clarke hadn't meant to say it out loud, she sat praising Monty for being the genius he is... That's how she will get Lexa's attention, a letter, .. " oh I meant that's it, it worked, that's great, good for you Monty" .. 

 

... 

Clarke sat at the table with her mom and Marcus having dinner when she decided to bring up the week away ., "so monty's grandparents are letting him have their cabin for a week.. It's about and hour outside the town, it's on grounders lake.. He's invited everyone to go, and I was wondering if maybe I could?" 

"A week?" Abby frowned " a bunch of teenagers alone? No supervision?, mixed sexes?" 

Clarke rolled her eyes " they're my friends mom? We're all friend, nothing's gonna happen" 

"Will Finn be there?" Marcus asked

"God I hope not" Clarke answered " as far as I know he's not invited" 

"I don't know baby, I don't like the thought of you all being away for a whole week alone" 

"Mom I'm nineteen" Clarke argued " I'm not a child anymore, I could technically just tell you I'm going, in two months I'm moving to New York, where Raven, O and I will be on our own" 

"She's right" Marcus agreed 

" can I not just want to protect you and mother you for a little bit longer? Abby sulked " your my only child and I want to keep you a little longer" 

Clarke and Marcus laughed " your so dramatic mom, and anyways, my going all depends on Lexa!" 

"What?" 

"Well I have an idea" Clarke smiled " and if it works and she wants to be friends then I'll be to busy to go anywhere" 

"And what's this big plan you have?" Marcus asked intrigued ..

"All in good time" Clarke smiled " if it works I'll tell ya" 

..... 

Indra watched as Lexa looked out of hand window onto the deserted street. "Lexa do you want to maybe sit on the porch? It's a beautiful day" Indra asked 

"No" was all the older women received back.

"You know the gardens pretty over grown" Indra tried again " no one would see you!"

"I said no Indra!" Lexa snapped not even bothering to look at her mother.. 

"Ok I just thought" ..

"Indra, I know you mean well, and I don't mean to snap at you " Lexa apologised realising she was a little harsh " but please leave me be, I don't want to go outside" 

"Ok" Indra nodded backing away," would you like something to eat or drink?" 

"No thank you, but could you call Abby? I need some pain relief" 

"Of coarse, may I ask where the pain is?" 

Lexa could feel a burning sensation in her gut, the constant need to explain herself was wearing thin on the brunette, Lexa knew barking at Indra would only cause concern so it was best to be honest " my back is causing me some discomfort so I would like something to take the edge off, if it's not to much trouble"?

"No trouble" Indra nodded backing out of the bedroom " I'll call Abby for you!" 

Lexa nodded in appreciation but let Indra leave without another word.. 

 

..... 

Clark sat at her desk in her room tapping her own to on her lip.  
She had the idea that writing to Lexa would be the easiest option, the hardest part was what to put .. 

Hi Lexa 

"No that's boring" the blonde sighed .

Hey girl in the window

"No sounds creepy" Clarke sighed throwing her pen down, bored she left her room to find her parents... 

 

"Hey where ya going!" She asked Abby as she made her way down the stairs .

"Indra called! Lexa needs some pain relief" Abby explained searching her bag for her keys .

"Is she ok?" Claire frowned

"Yes" Abby answered " it's just sometimes her back plays her up, I can't leave the pills there for obvious reason, so I'm heading over now" 

 

"Can I come?"

"Clarke?" 

" mom I know I can't come inside, I'll wait in the car! Please?" Clarke pleaded

"Fine but you wait in the car" Abby warned 

 

" what will Indra do with this house when Lexa's gone?" Clarke asked as her mom pulled up .

"I'm not sure" Abby smiled looking at the big old house " it's a shame it goes to waste though, it has so much potential" 

"You think Indra would mind if I draw it?,"

Abby Shrugged " I doubt it, might be a nice gift for her maybe?" 

Clarke nodded as she watched her mom head towards the house.. The window was empty today.

" thank you" Lexa nodded taking the pills Abby handed to her.

"No problem the Doctor smiled " would you like to me take a look at your back for you?" 

Lexa hated that question, she hated having to bare her scars, Abby was pretty good with her, she never past comment or asked questions, she did her job and let Lexa was grateful for that.. 

"It's been a little itchy" 

"Ok! She'll we?" Abby asked pointing to the bed.. 

Lexa slowly turned her back to the blonde women and lifted her shirt .. Her teeth buying down hard on her bottom lip as she closed her eyes.. 

Abby gently scanned Lexa's scarring and made a judgement " ok so the bottom of your back is looking a little red so I'm going to give you some cream to use at night ok?" 

"Thank you" Lexa said pulling her too back down ..

"Everything ok?" Indra asked at the door.

"Everything is fine, I'm going to give Lexa some cream for her lower back it's a little red, she needs to do it before bed" 

"I'm not a baby Abby you don't need to tell my mom, like I'm going to forget" Lexa moaned . 

 

Abby thought she may test the waters where Clarke was concerned .. " 

"So Indra! Clarke has asked if I could ask you if you would mind her painting the house" ?

Abby noticed Lexa ears pipe up.. 

" well there's no much to see of it " Indra laughed " the gardens so heavily grown,but of coarse she can" 

" I think she's just a little bored" Abby smiled "but that's great she'll be happy when I get back to the car and tell her" 

"She's in the car?" Lexa asked looking down on to the street from the window .

Sharing a look with Indra Abby nodded " yeah she is, like I said she's bored" 

Indra and Abby looked on as Lexa pulled the curtain back a little more then usual to get a better look at Abby's car, she could see Clarke's arm hanging out of the window, her hand drumming to the beat of whatever song it was she was listening too.. 

Clarke jumped dragging her feet off the dash board so she could sit up straight, she can see her, as clear as day, not just a shadow but a real person.. Pulling her phone out Clarke click on the camera zooming in for a better look... "Wow, she really is beautiful" she said out loud .. Soon as she spotted the brunette she was gone..closing the curtains behind her... 

"Damn it" 

.... 

I'd like to be left alone now" Lexa stated " thank you Abby" 

Indra saw Abby out to her car " thanks for coming Abby, I know it's a pain in the behind "  
"Nonsense Indra" the blonde smiled " I'm here to help" 

Indra smiled with a nod " hello Clarke"

"Hi Indra" Clarke waved back 

"Indra said its fine for you to paint the house if you want too" Abby said getting into the car. 

"That's great" the teen smiled " I'll do it from across the street so I don't disturb Lexa" 

Indra winked before saying her goodbyes.. 

"I saw her" Clarke said looking out the widow " I like fully saw her, not just her silhouette, her actual self," 

Abby nodded "she saw you too, when I told her you were in the car she pulled the curtains back" 

A small smile spread across Clarke's face, at least she knew Lexa was intrigued by her too, so it might not be a waste of time trying to befriend her.. "Is she ok?"

"Her backs a little sore, some of the scars tend it flare up" Abby explained " she has ointment and some pain relief now so she should be ok" 

"How bad is her scaring?" Clarke asked cautiously not wanting to pry to much ..

Abby sighed " right now it's hard to say, I mean they are still healing, her scaring runs down her left side and cross her lower back... I can see some are going to almost disappear but some are deep, some will stay with her forever... I'd like to check on them daily but she doesn't always allow me near her" 

Clarke slumped into her chair " poor girl, I couldn't imagine going thought what she has, I don't like I would actually have survived" 

Abby took Clarke's had squeezing it gently " I thank God everyday for you " 

"Aww mom, your such a sap " Clarke laughed causing Abby to pout.. 

" I love you too though" the teen winked .. 

 

..... 

Eight thirty am and Clarke is sat across the street from the Willis house, it's warm outside and the sun on her face feels good.. The sketch of the big house is starting to appear on her canvas and she's fully engrossed... Art does that to the teen, it takes her to a whole other word, a world of imagination, of peace and joy, little did she know Lexa was also up and about early that day, she had been watching Clarke for a good twenty minutes, she even felt a small smile spread across her face, a muscle she hadn't used in a while.... 

Lexa wondered what Clarke looked like close up, what colour her eyes were for instance? She wondered just how good an artist the young girl was? What the picture she was drawing would look like when it was finish?   
What was Clarke's favourite thing to paint? What made the girl from the street smile? Laugh? Cry? All those things were a wonder to the brunette, all those things she would probably never have the answers too!.. 

 

Clarke felt her stomach rumble, she skipped breakfast this morning, checking her phone for the time her attention lifted to the house .. This time to the window, there she was, again more clearer, Clarke could see Lexa was looking at her, so again she waved .. 

Pulling an empty page from her pad she began to write .. All the while keeping an eye on the brunette .. So she was done she stood up dusting off her jeans and slowly walked over to the house, hoping not to spoke the girl at the window .. She held the note up waving it a little before pointing to the front door of the house.. 

Lexa frowned having no idea what the blonde was doing, until she heard the letterbox knock, her heart skipped a beat, was Clarke knocking at the door? Did she expect Lexa to answer? Lexa began to feel a tightening in her chest, a feeling she didn't like.. Then Clarke appeared back on to the street.. Pointing again to the front door before waving and heading up the street towards her house... 

Taking a few moments to control her breathing Lexa made her way to the top of the stairs.. Looking down at the front door she saw a white piece of paper on the floor.. 

"A note?" The brunette said to herself " she wrote me?"

Lexa slowly picked up the letter and taking a seat on the bottom of the stairs, staring at it for the longest while before she opened it.. 

Hi.  
I hope you don't mind me stopping by like this? I'm Clarke, I've been seeing you hanging out at the window for a while now and thought maybe I'd say hi.. You probably think I'm the crazy lady that waves up at you from time to time lol .. But I'm not actually a weirdo.. I haven't seen you around so I'm taking it your not the sociable kind, but everyone needs a friend now and again right?   
So a little about me, like I said my names Clarke, I know you know my mum Abby? She really isn't as bad as she seems :) I'm nineteen, and after summer break I'm gonna be moving to New York with my two best friends for collage, I'm gonna be an art major much to my mums dismay, she was hoping I would become a doctor like her.. I like painting, hanging out with my friends and partying ( don't tell my mom that) .. I don't want it ramble of to much , so I have a proposition for you!!!!!!... I wouldn't mind a penpal so if you want you can reply to me the same way I wrote to you! .. I'll check the letterbox everytime I pass to see if you wanna chat? No pressure, it's completely up to you, I won't be offended if you don't (much) lol ...   
I hope your days going week and maybe we'll talk soon? C X 

Lexa felt a warm feeling in her chest, this was a feeling she did like, the blonde girl? Clarke? She wanted to know her, why she didn't know but it would be rude to ignore her right?.. She didn't have to see, talk to her in person, she could still hide away, it was just a letter after all.. 

Later that night Lexa sat at her desk looking at Clarke's letter again .. 

"Ok" she sighed cracking her knuckled..

"Hello Clarke, 

I have to say this feels a little odd but I'm doing it anyways, my name is Lexa, I'm twenty, almost twenty one, but weirdly I have a feeling you know more about me then I do you, Yes I do know your mother, she is my doctor, and Indra is my mother (adoptive). 

I'm here in polis for a little break, I like to keep myself to myself so no you wouldn't have seen me, I'm not great company for reasons I would rather not go into... Art huh? Are you good? Who's your favourite artist? What kinda art do you like to do most?.. 

Lexa .. 

 

Clarke had passed by the Willis house for two days and there was nothing at the door, maybe Lexa really didn't want a friend? Maybe being alone was exactly what she wanted?.. Clarke thought maybe she needed some time, maybe she found it hard to reply, maybe she didn't know what to write ? Maybe Clarke just needed to let it go?? Leave Lexa to her life and move on with he own.... 

Day four Clarke heads to work popping her head over the gate., and to her surprise there was a reply.. A small envelope hanging out of the letter box.. " yes" she smiled taking the note and placing it in her bag.. She looked up at the window and waved.. She wasn't sure if Lexa was there but she did it anyways .. Lexa replied, Clarke wasn't sure what the letter contained but she didn't care.. All she cared about was the fact the girl at the window replied ...


	6. Chapter 6

SO I HAVE STATED THIS WILL BE A SLOW BURNER, BUT IM KINDA RUSHING THE NEXT TO CHAPTERS TO GET TO THEM INTERACTING MORE ... ENJOY X 

 

Clarke couldn't get home quick enough, the note from Lexa was burning her in pocket.. She couldn't believe she actually wrote her back.. She knew the letter could tell her to get lost but something inside her told her that wasn't the case... 

 

"Hey ma" she called out heading up the stairs.. 

"Woah hold up" Abby laughed "where's the fire?" 

Clarke didn't want to let her mom in on her plan just yet so she lied.

"Need to pee" she answers disappearing into her room, closing the door.. 

A smile spread across her face as she read the letter.. "Yes" she fist pumped taking a seat at her desk pulling out a pen.. 

 

"The big 21 huh? Do you have plans for that? When is it? My friend Raven turns 19 soon, she's having a party.. It's kind of a high light in this boring town.. Lol ...as for my art? I'd like to think I'm good..lol .. I like to sketch a lot, I draw everything and anything if I'm honest, I prefer to draw people though ..Not creepy at all) ha..   
Yes I am aware Indra is your mother, and my mom is your doctor, I'm a little inquisitive so I kinda worked it out for myself. You don't have to worry about me asking questions as to why your here or why you need a doctor, (that's you business) I'm just happy to get to know you.. I mean if you want? lol .. C 

 

Lexa's note came quicker then the last .. The same day in fact.. 

 

Well I live in New York (not at the moment obviously ) .. I'm sure you will love being there.   
I would love see some of your work one day.. Maybe the painting of this house when you're done? .. I don't think it's creepy that you enjoy painting people, Inquisitive you say? You sure it's not you just being nosy????? .. As for needing a doctor? I'm not dying or anything.... My birthday is in a couple of weeks, I'm not really big on celebrating so nothing to plan . L 

 

Clarke knew she had to keep her knowledge of why Lexa was in town on the down low, she didn't want the girl thinking it was a set up between Indra and her... 

..

Lexa???? Are you calling me nosy??? Ha ha .. Ok maybe I am .. A little bit.. So tell me about New York? What will I love most? What will I hate? Where's the best place to party? ( I know I not 21 yet but shhhh) lol .. Actually where's best to live? My friends and I are thinking of of renting an apartment instead of dorms? Hey maybe when you're home you can show me around! You can be my personal tour guide :) c 

.. 

Lexa read Clarke's letter with a small smile, receiving the blondes note were becoming the highlight of her day, even if they didn't really say much . There was something about the lightness of Clarke's writing that made Lexa feel it was ok to smile or laugh .. 

 

..   
Clarke..so your after a free tour guide?? Mmm that doesn't exist I'm afraid.. As for what you will love?? Well your an artist, so I'm guessing the skyline, the amazing views, the tall buildings, people in the city move so fast so I doubt your be drawing many faces, you'll hate the noise.. Maybe once you've lived there awhile you will appreciate this boring town :).. 

You are not 21 or am I, so I can help where it comes to partying, I haven't really home much in the last few years (work related nosy) :) however my siblings own a bar I hear that's pretty awesome (when you're legal) .. L 

 

... 

What no plans? Lexa turning 21 is a huge deal and is "nosy" going to become a nick name for me now??? If i nosy I would be asking you lots of personal questions like.....

1- do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend   
2- Have you ever been drunk?  
3- what colour are you eyes?  
4- whats you favourite smell?   
5- best movie?   
6- best song?  
7- do you drive?  
8-,most used curse word  
9- how old were you you had your first kiss?  
10- why don't you leave the house.?

Ps- your tour guide services better be good if you're charging me?

Clarke knew question ten might have been a little much .. She knew Lexa wouldn't answer it but it was written and posted how so there was no going back . 

Lexa didn't reply for three days, Clarke had a feeling she had pushed her a little much.. She kicked her self for not keeping it casual, but there was something inside her that wanted to know Lexa more, know more about her, she hadn't even seen her at the window which made her sad .. 

 

"You ok?" O asked as they eat at the local cafe .

"Yeah" Claire smiled lying " I'm just thinking about monty's week away,"

"Yes I can't wait" O said excitedly " Bellamy had worked his magic and my parents are ok with me going.. Hey what did you mom say?"

Clarke shrugged " I mentioned it to her but haven't brought it up again" 

"Clarke!" O gasped " cmon girl don't leave it till the last minute, tell the Doc you're coming it's no negotiable"

"I will" Clarke agreed with a small laugh " I promise" 

Octavia studied her friend a little " you sure there's nothing wrong babe? You've been a little distant, I feel like I've hardly seen you!"

"I'm fine" Clarke brushed it off " it's just my mom, she's panicking about us all going to collage, she's been begging me to spend time with her" 

"Ok!" O smiled " if your sure that's all it is?" 

Clarke really wanted to tell her friends about Lexa, get some advise maybe? But she knew she couldn't, she was sworn to secrecy and that's how it had to stay .. 

... 

 

For the last few days Lexa reply to Clarke sat next to her bed, the brunette found herself looking at it for hours on end, did she want to let Clarke in more then she had? Let her know the answers to questions she knew the blonde was burning to ask?   
Lexa had contemplated ignoring Clarke, forget about their note swap, go back to just seeing her outside the window ? The Lexa she is now would say do it, don't let her in!  
But the old her, the her that liked to be around friends, that like to laugh and tease, that her was pushing through and begging her to not let the blonde leave .. 

.... 

Abby had arrived early afternoon, Lexa was in a somber mood like she was deep in thought, so much so she didn't even put up a fight when Abby asked to check her back, Abby knew not to ask so kept their meeting professional ..

" your back is looking good today" she spoke " no redness at all, the ointment must be working" 

Lexa nodded pulling her top down " thank you "

"Lexa do you need any medication today?" 

Lexa shook her head without even thinking about it " I have no pain today" 

" well thats awesome news" Abby grinned happy that the young girl was finally freeing of pain, physically any ways.. " ok well I'll be downstairs doing paper work if you need anything just shout" 

 

Lexa sat on her bed rolling her shoulders , the tightness she had felt was slowly easing and she really did have no pain... The whole Clarke thing was eating away at her and she couldn't shake it off.. Should she just send the letter? And hope Clarke would be ok with it taking so long? Or had Clarke already given up on her?

.. 

Abby looked up from her paperwork when she felt someone's presence "Lexa?"

Lexa was leaning on the door frame,watching the doctor, her hands placed firmly behind her back .. 

"Are you ok?" Abby asked.. 

Taking a deep breath Lexa slowly walked over to the table and took a seat " so I'm was wondering something" 

Abby stayed silent giving the girl in front of her time . 

May I asks you something?" The brunette asked " it's about your daughter!?" 

Abby nodded trying her best not to smile, "Clarke" 

"Yes" Lexa nodded " Clarke!.."

"Sure! What would you like to know?"

Lexa bit down on her bottom lip harder then she meant too " she wrote to me, she knows who I am" 

Shit!!! Abby thought to herself " she does yes.. She worked it out" 

"How much does she know about me?" 

"Lexa" Abby sighed not wanting to push the girls buttons but at the same time she didn't want to lie ..

"How much Abby"? 

" all of it," Abby admitted " well not all of it, not what actually happened just the gist of it" the Doctor sighed " I'm so sorry Lexa, she worked most of it out herself, but she kept asking, the more she saw you the more she asked, i.. I. Shouldn't have told her and I'm so sorry "

Lexa sat still,calmer then Abby would have imagined ..she was waiting to be screamed and shouted at, thrown out of the house never to return .. But it didn't come, Lexa didn't move an inch.. She sat quietly with her lip in her mouth .. 

"She writes to me" 

Abby tilted her head confused " she writes to you?"

Lexa nodded " yes! We have exchanged notes, we had done for a while now, she didn't say but I felt like she knows me more then she's letting on, now I know she does it feels..." She swallowed as she stopped 

"She's not pitying you if that's what you think" Abby said carefully 

"Isn't she?" Lexa asked glaring at the doctor " is she not trying to befriend me because I'm the poor girl who can't live in her own life so she ran away to her mommy and hide from the world?" 

Abby took the risk of placing her hand of the brunettes which surprising she didn't flinch from " listen to me.. Until you just said I had no idea Clarke had contacted you, she hadn't mentioned it, she would never pity you, she would never befriend you because of what happened to you, if I'm honest she's just a nosy little madam that was so intrigued by you that she pushed and pushed until she knew who you were.. When she saw pictures of you....she" 

"She knows what I look like?" 

Abby nodded " that's how she realised it was you.., she was at Indra's with her friend Raven, she saw pictures of you and other family members and with some smart moves and light questions she worked out it was you staying here" 

Lexa smiled a little " she's a very clever girl" 

"Nosy" Abby joked " Lexa if you would like Clarke to stop.."

"No!" Lexa interrupted " no it's ok, her letters are about the only think that feels normal for me right now, I haven't replied to her last one yet.. But maybe I will" 

" I'm sure that will make her happy," Abby smiled moving her hand away forgetting where it was placed .. " Lexa, Clarke is a good person, she really wouldn't befriend you out of pity"

"May I see her?" 

Abby frowned " you want to see her? Like meet her?"

"What no!" Lexa panicked a little " No I don't want to see her in person, I mean I know I have out the window but I.. " the brunette licked her lips " I mean I haven't seen her, do you maybe have a picture?"

"Well Abby laughed " Clarke is a self confessed selfie queen, here" she offered handing Lexa her phone " firstly I can only apologise my phone is a shrine to my girl, she thinks it's sad and pathetic, but I don't care "

Lexa's hand shakes as she took the phone opening it to the photo album app, Clarke's face filling the screen " I don't think it's pathetic" she whispered just enough for Abby to hear..

"Tea?"

Lexa nodded as she swiped her phone across the screen .. There were as Abby had stated a lot of selfies, there were also photos of Clarke pulling faces, Lexa smiled as she look at one of Clarke crossing her eyes and pouting at the camera.. Clarke was beautiful, her eye as blue as the ocean, her smile as bright as the sun, her beauty made Lexa nervous.. 

As Abby made the tea her daughters voice filled the room causing her to turn and look at the brunette holding her phone 

 

Lexa was watching a video Clarke had made Abby last week whilst she waited for her in the car on a grocery run ..

"Hey ma" Clarke began flicking her hair to the side as she looked out of the widow 

" it's me Clarke, your old child, I just wanna leave you this message as a parting gift.. 

Clarke then turns to look into the camera " because I died of boredom, that's right you've killed me" 

Abby couldn't believe her ears, Lexa actually let out a small laugh.. Really small but never the less it was a laugh " shes witty huh"?

Lexa watched on with out a word ..

" oh Clarke I just have to stop by the store for some potatoes I'll be five minutes " the blonde on the screen continued mimicking her mother .. " five minutes you said and it's been " Clarke disappeared from the camera for a second before reappearing " twelve minutes, and don't use the excuses there was a queue , the whole town could get served in maybe eight minutes , your gassing aren't you? Talking to the locals, asking them how their day is? How's their kids doing? Inviting someone over for dinner? You are aren't you?? Well I hope you enjoy tonight's dinner, because you've sacrificed my life for mash potato.." Then she laughs " oh you're coming back.. Ok bye!"

Her laugh, a noise that took Lexa's breath away " she is witty, and very beautiful, you've done a great Abby" Lexa nodded placing the phone back onto Abby's hand " I think I'll go and lie down "

Abby stood looking at the open picture on her phone with a smile on her face Clarke was her best accomplishment,and she was proud of the girl staring back at her.. 

 

Later that night Clarke was sat at the kitchen table sketching.. Abby placed a small kiss on her head ..

" what was that for" Clarke smiled 

"Because I love you" Abby answered " and because your the best person I know"

Clarke laughed " oh god are you feeling all blue again about me leaving for collage?"

"Yes" Abby laughed along" but not just that.. I spent the afternoon with Lexa" 

"You spend a lot of afternoons at Lexa's " Clarke said going back to her sketching 

" no! I spent the afternoon with Lexa" Abby corrected her daughter causing her to look up " she told me you're her penpal"

Clarke's cheeks reddened a little " she did huh? Well I was she hasn't wrote me back this week" 

"I know" Abby nodded " she will though, she also knows that you know a lot about her and why she's here, she worried you might be trying to befriend her out of pity"

"I wouldn't do that" Clarke snapped 

"I told her that! She asked to see pictures of you too, she even watched that video on my phone" 

Clarke's eyes widened " oh god mom please tell me you didn't? that is so embarrassing" 

"Maybe to you! But it made her laugh, I've hardly seen her smile since I met her let alone laugh, you're bringing something out of her Clarke" 

Clarke smiled " do you think she will meet me? I mean if I ask her?"

"No!" Abby said sternly " don't ask Clarke it's way to soon for that, when she asked to see you today I thought she meant you visit when I asked she panicked.. She is defiantly not ready for that, honey it's great what you're doing, but don't push her ok?"

Clarke sighed with a nod, she hated that her mom was right.. She hated It even more that Lexa still hasn't wrote back.. Maybe she needed to write the brunette another letter ?

 

Hey Lexa

I know it's not my turn to write but it's been a couple of days now and I'm not sure if I said something wrong? If I did then I'm really sorry. You don't have to answer any thing you don't want to ok?.. I just want to ramble on about nothing with you, if that's ok still? C X 

..... 

 

Lexa woke up to the sound of the door, she had slept for a good four hours straight which was new for her, quickly she jumped out of bed toward the window .. Catching Clarke leaving the yard.. She didn't look up at the window today which Lexa found odd.. 

 

Reading Clarke's second letter made Lexa feel a little annoyed at herself.. Clarke hadn't done anything wrong and it was unfair for her to think other wise, so Lexa went back to her room collecting the note she wrote for the blonde and posted it for her to get later..


	7. Chapter 7

A/N SO THIS CHAPTER IS GONNA BE MOSTLY JUST THEIR NOTES GOING BACK AND FORTH X 

 

Hello Clarke 

I'd like to apologise for my late reply, it wasn't anything you wrote! If I'm honest I'm just adjusting to having you write me like this, I haven't spoke to anyone other then Indra or your mother for a while now. 

Ok so you want answers to your questions? 

1) do i have a boyfriend/girlfriend ?? (none of the above but very gay so defiantly no boyfriend )   
2- Have i ever been drunk? ( more times then I can remember) 

3- what colour are my eyes? ( a greenish grey i suppose) 

4- whats is my favourite smell?( mmm hard one!! I guess the smell of the ocean or maybe the ocean is also my favourite sound? I don't know) 

 

5- best movie? ( haven't watched a movie in a while but I'd say the lion king (don't judge) lol 

 

6- best song?( to many to choose from) 

 

7- do i drive? ( I do.. not lately) 

 

8-,most used curse word? ( lol really?) 

 

9- how old was I when I had my first kiss? (So now this is were you get nosy?.. First kiss from when I was 8, Todd Wilson kissed me on the cheek and I ran home and told Indra, Lincoln my brother went to school the next day and kicked him lol .. My first real kiss? I was 12 she was called Costia) 

 

10- why don't i leave the house.? (.......... Tbc.. ) 

Your mother was right you are way to nosy lol .. I appreciate your patience Clarke and again I'm sorry for dragging my feet with your reply X L 

 

So the letter was shorter then Clarke had hoped but she didn't care, the fact lexa replied was good enough for her .. 

 

Lex..

Is it ok if I all you lex? Tough if not I just did lol 

I am NOT nosy my questions are merely to get to know you, window girl :).. I gathered you're gay by the fact your favourite movie is now a stage musical (ha ha) .. Although I don't judge, I love the little mermaid (not a musical) .. 

And yes I wanna know what your fav curse word is so spill? 

I like the ocean to, there is actually a beach and hour away from here, maybe we can go sometime?.. What car do you drive? As for Q10??? I can wait for it tbc.. There's no rush.. X C 

 

 

Lexa let a little laugh out as she read Clarke's last letter .. Her humour was infectious and although they had only shared a few letters she felt comfortable with Clarke even when Clarke teased her , she wanted to know this girl more so she promised herself to always reply even just out of decency .. 

 

 

Well Nosy! 

Only my sister Anya calls me lex.. And I guess now you do .. I don't mind so much and you are nosy :) 

The lion king maybe a stage musical NOW.. But it is also one the best Disney film of all time, unlike some half human half fish girl (at least lions are real) 

I don't have a car anymore but I use to have an suv.. Not very interesting I'm afraid lol.. 

Question 10 is going to be a slow burner I'm afraid a lot like this new found friendship I guess lol . 

I think it's your turn to be interrogated maybe? 

1) Why haven't I seen you with your friends lately! 

2) why don't you have a special some one?

3) why do you hate this town so much? 

4) why are you so hell bent of being my friend? 

5) when can I see some of your art work?

 

Oh and fuck ... That's my favourite curse word lol .. L X 

 

...... 

 

"Honey!" Abby called out as she entered her home " you here?" 

"Yeah" Clarke called back as she wrote her reply to Lexa ., 

" oh good!" Abby smiled " I so spoke with monty's mom earlier and she's explained the week away and I'm happy with it so if you want to go then that's ok!" 

"Oh yeah" Clarke replied " I forgot..um ok thanks" 

" you don't sound as excited as I thought you would be! Are you ok?" 

Clarke shrugged " what about Lexa?.. I mean now we are in contact I don't think it's fair to just leave her for a week" 

Abby stroked her daughters golden locks " honey that's sweet of you but you can't put your life on hold for Lexa, plus she has me and Indra" 

 

Clarke shrugged " I don't know mom! I mean she's just started opening up to me, I don't think I wanna mess that up" 

As much as Abby appreciated her daughters kind heart she didn't want her missing out on fun with her actual friends " Lexa isn't going anywhere baby" she stated kissing Clarke's head. 

 

Clarke looked down at her page, as much as she would like to hang out with her friends for a week of fun, she knew she would miss hearing from Lexa, finishing off her letter she decided she would think about the up and coming trip .. 

........ 

Uh excuse me.. 

I for the last time am not nosy lol 

1) Why haven't I seen you with your friends lately! ..

. A- Because we are all preparing to head off to collage and our parents are weird and want to hang out with us as much as they can ... plus I have a part-time job.. 

2) why don't you have a special some one? 

A- because I'm a sucker for idiots and it takes me a while to realise that even though my friends tell me from day one... 

3) why do you hate this town so much? 

A- if I'm honest this is kind of my Q10.. I don't like this town for many reasons, maybe we can discuss at a later date :) 

4) why are you so hell bent of being my friend?

A- because your pretty lol .. Joking... 

5) when can I see some of your art work? 

A- When do you want to see it? 

Seriously though question 4 ? Why wouldn't I want to be your friend? We all have our scars Lexa doesn't mean we aren't worthy of being wanted :) 

Oh and I want you to erase what you saw on my moms phone from your memory, thanks C X 

.... 

Erase it from my memory? Fuck no lol .. You shouldn't be embarrassed it was very witty, put a smile on my face anyways, plus you're cute ;) 

So you're a loser in love? I find that hard to believe :) maybe Mr/Mrs right just hasn't come your way yet? 

As for friendship? My situation isn't one most would want to involve themselves with, even friends I already had went AWOL, 

It isn't a bad thing that your parents want to spend as much time with as possible Clarke, I know how much Abby loves you! Enjoy it.... 

Art work??? Now right now lol X L 

 

...... 

Mr or MRS huh? Ok so you've defiantly been talking to my mum lol .. Well it's always the guys I date that are morons, I haven't dated a girl yet, I mean I've been with girls ( you know?) I just haven't had a relationship with one so yeah maybe I haven't met the right person yet, but then i wouldn't in this town :( 

If your friends went AWOL when they were never your friends , plus the less you have makes room for new ones (me) lol 

So you want to see my art work now? And how are you gonna do that? You wanna invite me over? X C 

.... 

 

Panic struck deep in lexa's stomach, there was no way she was ready to let Clarke in to the house, no matter how much she wanted to get to know the girl from outside, part of Lexa worried Clarke wouldn't like her, wouldn't want to know her once she saw who she had become, there was something about writing to Clarke that brought part of who she use to be back .. Friendly, warm, cheeky, maybe a little flirty? All those things the person she saw in the mirror was no more.. Lettings Clarke see her in person felt to real and she wasn't ready for that ... 

 

..... 

Hi Clarke 

Maybe your mom has spoke of you lol .. Thank you for wanting to be my friend but I can't invite you over, I am just not ready for something like that, (reasons maybe one day I'll tell) .. I understand if you want to stop writing me, I wouldn't want you wasting the precious Time you have left with your mom and friends ... L X 

 

..... 

 

Wow calm down dear John lol .. 

It's ok Lexa! I understand and just because you're not ready to have me over doesn't mean I wouldn't want to still get to know you .. Although I do think it's unfair you've seen my video so You know what I sound like? And I'm a little over protective of my art sooooo I propose this..... 

 

How about I come over and sit on the porch, you could maybe open the door a little? I want push to see you but maybe if you sat on the other side we could talk? .. If not that's ok to .. I'm ok to keep writing you, I enjoy it even, C X 

..... 

 

Lexa felt a little excitement, butterflies even , could she really be brave enough to talk, actually talk to Clarke? I mean letters are cool but theres only so much you can write right? .. "Indra?" She called out . 

"Yes Lexa?" Indra looked up from her book .. 

"When you leave here? Do you lock me in?" 

 

Indra frowned confused " lock you in?"

"Yes" Lexa nodded " I mean do you lock the doors up and remove keys?"

"No" Indra laughed a little " baby I would never lock you up, why do you ask that?"

 

Lexa sat beside her mother leaning her head against the back of the chair " I'm sure Abby has told you Clarke writes to me" 

Indra nodded looking into her child's eyes., for the first time in months they don't seem so empty and it warmed her heart .

"Well she's a persistent so and so" Lexa laughed under her breath, " she's proposed that we maybe, talk!" Biting her bottom lip feeling nervous as she explains more. 

Indra smiled " how so? I mean are you ready to have someone else in the house?"

"What?" Lexa gasped " God no" she shakes her head " and Clarke knows that,she said maybe we could sit either side of the front door and have it ajar a tiny bit" 

Indra nodded " and what do you think about that!?" 

Lexa smiled a little " it would be nice to talk to someone other then you and Abby, no offence" 

Indra laughed " none taken child, I get it, you're young, you have a lot of life left in you Lexa, if befriending Clarke is anyway for you to see that then I'm all for it" 

Lexa smiled " I mean I could give it ago right? She doesn't expect much from me" 

"I think it would be a very big step for you" Indra smiled touching lexa's hand hoping it wasn't over stepping the mark... 

Relief hit the older women when she felt Lexa squeeze her hand back " you know I appreciate all you do for me right? Even though I don't show it" 

"I do it because I love you Lexa, I may not have gave life to you but I love you and Anya as much as I do Lincoln, you are my baby and you always will be, you don't have to thank me for doing my job " 

Lexa almost took the wind out of her mother when she threw herself into her arms, Indra instantly wrapped her arms around her daughter,holding her tightly, it felt good to feel her again, although her concerns for how skinny she felt become didn't go a miss .. 

"I love you mom" Lexa whispered 

"I love you baby girl " Indra replied " we'll get through this "

Lexa nodded as she pulled away " you wanna re-braid my hair?" 

Indra had been trying for weeks to get Lexa to tend to her hair each time being shot down, today was a momentous day and Indra beamed with pride " I would love too" 

"Ok" Lexa grinned " I'll go wash it" 

Once Lexa left Indra pulled her phone out and send a text .. 

Abby G - what ever Clarke is doing with Lexa it's working.. She's a god send X 

 

Abby smiled as she read the text, Clarke was led with her head on her lap as they watched a movie, Abby didn't want to intrude so decided not to speak to her daughter about her text from Indra , instead she ran her fingers through blonde locks " I love you" 

Clarke looked up at her mom " love you too, weirdo " she laughed shaking her head .. 

... 

Nosy.. 

So How would the talking at the door work? I mean I know I sound like a stupid child but it makes me nervous ? I mean how would I know when you're there or how would you know if I wasn't in the mood on a certain day?" L X .. 

..., 

I'm not nosy :( 

Ok so I take it you don't have a mobile phone? So I guess we could agree on a time? I would say around lunch or later in the evening? Most people are at work in the afternoon and by 5-6pm they're probably all in bed cause there is no life in this dumb town lol .. If you are having a day and you don't want to talk or be on your own (more then you are now) lol then you can leave me a note in the door or like hang something out the letter box that lets me know that, .. I won't ever force you or want you to feel like you have to talk to me lex! I really am ok with just notes?" C X 

...... 

Nosy! 

No I think I can do that, I mean I want to... It would be nice to hear your laugh, you seem to LOL a lot :)... Maybe we could try it tomorrow? Say 1-ish? Indra won't be here then? X L 

.... 

"I'll be there xxxxxx C 

.... 

 

Lexa took a deep breath, tomorrow she would take the biggest step so far and although it terrified her, she couldn't help but feel a little excited " you can do this woods, you can"


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke sat on the step of the Willis house for humming away to her iPod for more then ten minutes, when she arrived at one pm she half expect a note from Lexa to say she changed her mind... There was no note so Clarke sat patiently... Ten minutes turned into twenty minutes, Clarke wondered if Maybe it was to big a step for the girl inside... One thirty Clarke decided to give up, she quickly wrote out a note to tell Lexa it was ok and that they could try again another time, as she posted the note she heard movement from behind the door..

"Lex?, you there"?

Silence was the reply 

"Lex it's ok! Today's just not the day right? I've left you a note so I'll come by later to collect your's if that's alright?"

Silence again so Clarke nodded to herself and slowly backed away from the door, as her she turned her back to leave she heard the lock on the door click.. 

Slowly turning around she watched as the door creaked open slightly.. Slightly as in just the smallest of gaps ..   
Clarke gently sat back on the porch humming again to her music .. 

"So no favourite song huh?" 

Lexa was sat on the other side of the door, breathing in and out deeply, trying to calm her nerves , she had sat listening to Clarke sing for over half an hour, now the door was open the least she could do was open her mouth and say something.. 

"I bet you think I'm pathetic don't you Clarke ?" 

Clarke sat up straight, her voice, her voice was heavenly, the way her name rolled off the tongue sent a coarse of butterfly's through the blonde's body 

"Actually!" Clarke smiled clearing her throat " I think you're one of the bravest people I know, I know that was an incredibly big step for you to open that door" 

Lexa smiled " I like all kinds of music, from classical to gangster rap" she laughed quietly just enough for Clarke to hear .. 

"Oh gangsta rap huh?" The blonde teased " you into smoking weed and hitting up hoes?" 

Lexa laughed again placing her hand over her mouth " not lately no" she joked

"Well I'm a Nikki Minaj fan" Clarke joined in " she's my bitch! But if you could only ever listen to one song for the rest of your life what would it be?"

Lexa hummmmed in thought " that's like asking to chose one flavour of ice cream forever"

"No that's easy" Clarke replied " vanilla" 

"Boring" Lexa argued 

"Nah uh" Clarke protested " if you choice vanilla then you can add aload of stuff to it so it never gets boring" 

"Good point" Lexa nodded .. 

There was a small silence between the two, Clarke could sense Lexa found it uncomfortable " so huh, I brought some of my art work to show you, this is from my final exam in high school" 

Slowly the blonde slid the folder through the gap in the door, to feel Lexa take hold of it.. 

Lexa slowly opened the folder taking her time to look through , pages of beautiful scenery, and colourful sights spiller out 

"wow these are amazing Clarke" 

Clarke smiled, quickly deciding that the way Lexa says her name is now her favourite sound " I'm glad you like them" 

" no wonder you want to continue Art at collage, you are truly talented," 

"Aww you know how to make a girl blush lex" Clarke teased " oh I know what I was going to ask you, a while back Indra came into the cafe and brought peanut butter croissants which I gathered were for you?" 

"Yes" Lexa smiled 

"Why? That's gross?" Clarke teased making suck noises 

"Uh I'll have you know that anything with peanut butter in it, is not gross" Lexa argued " I have the eating habits of a five year old" 

"Telling me" Clarke laughed" ok so donuts? "

"Jelly .. With a little sugar , I mean glaze is good to but you can't beat a good old jelly Donut" Lexa rambled on.. 

"Sandwich?" Clarke asked wondering what the hell she was taking about but being pleased with herself that the conversation was running well .. 

" chicken salad with hot sauce" Lexa answered " in New York there's this Delhi and you can pretty much order what the hell you like, the guy that owns it really will put anything you ask for in it" 

"Sounds dangerous" Clarke laughed " and defiantly a place I wanna visit." 

"When do you leave for New York?" Lexa asked softly wondering how long she would have Clarke's company .. 

" not for weeks yet, although my friends wanna go look at some apartments " 

"Your not going to stay in dorms?" Lexa asked knowing how expensive New York living can be .. 

"Nah! my friend Ravens going to space school, she's like a genius, I'm going to Art school and Octavia's going into Law,so we wanna share a place, with school and working we would hardly see each other so it's better to rent an apartment "

"Makes sense,have you decided where in New York you'll live?"

"Ravens on that" Clarke answered "I'm kinda like " let me know and I'll move my shit in" 

Lexa smiled " you live life how it should be Clarke,"

Clarke smiled leaning back so she was led on the porch, her heads linked together behind her head " I can't wait to be free, get out of this town" 

"Why do you hate it so much?" Lexa asked shifting forward slightly to get a better view of the girl lying outside the door .. she really was more beautiful close up, she took lexa's breath away, 

"When was the last time you went outside?" Was Clarke's reply.. 

Lexa rolled her eyes, this girl really was something else , but Lexa wanted to know more. " Ok fine!" She swallowed " I came her nine weeks yesterday" 

"Nine weeks?" Clarke gasped " how didn't I noticed sooner?" 

"Probably because I didn't go near the window for weeks" Lexa answered openly " this is the closest I've come to outside since I got here" 

Clarke looked to the gap of the door, " does it scare you?, like the thought of being outside?" 

Lexa didn't answer right away, she wasn't sure she wanted to answer .. Clarke sensed that a decided to show Lexa it was ok to open up .. 

" My Dad died" Clarke said sadly " it was tough because he was my world.. I found it hard to except that he was gone, I guess even now I don't except it ,.. anyways two years after, My Mom hooked up with my Dad's best friend, Marcus Kane, he look care of us when my Dad died and along the way my mum and he fell in love " 

"That must have been tough on you" 

Clarke bit down on her lip, she wasn't sure why she was sharing so much with this girl, but somehow it felt right! It felt safe, maybe taking to the girl behind the door was therapy.

"It was!, I hate him for it, I hated her too" Clarke swallowed " I rebelled a little, caused her a lot of stress, the more upset she got with me the better I felt, I wanted to hurt like she was me.... now I know that's not what she was doing, now I know that she just happened to fall in love... Marcus was a Police Officer, he got injured.. his arm or something, anyways he got offered a job here in Polis to be a sheriff, a small town where nothing really dangerous happens, it was perfect for him,... so they dragged my ass here and I've been bored ever since " Clarke laughed " the end" 

 

Lexa smiled " do you get on now?" 

"He's great!" Clarke smiled " he's the best person for my mom, other then my Dad of coarse" 

"Well with you going away I guess it's comforting to know your Mother won't be alone" Lexa offered " and Clarke?" 

"Mmmm"?

"I'm really sorry about your Father" Lexa sympathised

"Thank you.. but I'm ok now, I'll never be over my Dads death but I know that everyday it gets easier, and it hurts less"

Lexa nods swallowing the lump in her throat " you trying to tell me something nosy?" 

Clarke laughed at the nickname " no, I'm just saying that no matter what we go through, it does get better with time" 

Lexa took a moment to let Clarke's word sink in " thanks Oprah" she joked " I'm not afraid to go outside," she sighed softly" I just got so sick of people feeling sorry for me, the sympathetic smiles and the nods, then there was the ones who avoided me but like to talk about me being my back, the ones who would ask my siblings how I'm doing yet avoid me like the plague, I felt like I couldn't breath in New York, so I asked Indra to bring me here" 

Clarke listened intensely " I get not being able to breath, by why not leave this house? I mean no one knows you here, no one knows your past" 

"It's like you said, everybody knows everybody, Im a stranger I'd have the town talking, people wanting to know who I was, who I was here to see, why I was here, when I left New York I just wanted to disappear and I guess this house gave me the opportunity to do that" 

Clarke nodded she knew lexa was right about people wanting to know who the stranger in town was, because a few years back that's exactly what she was, the new kid in town, " I get that"

" do you?" Lexa asked, wondering if Clarke was just agreeing with her for the sake of it. 

"Yeah, I mean when bad things happen in life you just want to crawl away and hide, pretend it's not happening I guess" Clarke sighed " I know I did when my Dad died, but you know what lex? .. you can't do that forever because life goes on with or without you" 

Lexa titled her head to Lean on the wall, she knew Clarke was right, in theory she knew she wouldn't be able to hide away forever, but in reality she just wasn't ready... " I know" 

 

"Shit!" Clarke gasped " I have to go, in late for work" 

"Oh ok.. uh I'm sorry I made you late" lexa said. 

"Don't worry about it, it's not your fault " Clarke smiled even though she knew lexa couldn't see her " hey I really enjoyed talking to you, it was good to hear your voice" 

Lexa smiled it was good to have someone other then Indra and Abby to talk too " I enjoyed it too "

"Same time tomorrow?" Clarke asked "oh later if you want? Or maybe just tomorrow? I don't want to overwhelm you "

Lexa laughed a little " I'm a little tired so tomorrow would be better!" 

"Tomorrow it is then" Clarke said gently placing her hand on the front door " bye lex"

"Bye Clarke" .. 

 

.....   
Lexa stayed where is was for a moment, hearing Claire's voice especially her laugh made a warm sensation fill the brunettes body.. she liked it, she left comfortable in it.. maybe letting someone in wasn't gonna be as hard as she thought After all .


	9. Chapter 9

Indra was cleaning dish when Lexa appeared at the door.

"Hey mom" 

Indra smiled hearing Lexa address her the way she did " good evening darling! Are you hungry?"

"A little" Lexa answered sitting at the table " so I spoke to Clarke today " 

"Spoke?" Indra asked confused 

"Mmmm" Lexa smiled " at the door, I mean I kinda sat against the wall and she was on the porch, she didn't see me, but we spoke!"

"That's good right?" Indra asked placing a coffee in front of her daughter " I mean that's progress" 

"She's very persuasive " Lexa laughed which filled Indra with a warm sense of relief " she didn't really ask me much, you know about why I'm here?, we just talked about random stuff" 

"Clarke's a great girl, she too hasn't had it easy " Indra explained 

"I know" Lexa nodded sipping her coffee " she told me a about her father"

"Well that's good, from what I hear from Abby, Clarke doesn't really talk much about her fathers death, so maybe you're helping her as much as she's helping you"?

"Maybe!" Lexa smiled " I liked talking to her "

"Good! Long may it continued then" the dark skin women winked " ok so? Dinner "?

.... 

"Man I can not wait to get out of this dump for a week" Octavia groaned as her, Clarke and Raven took their seat in the small cafe 

"Same" Raven clapped " I'm gonna get my drink on" she sang clicking her fingers as she bounced in her seat . 

As her friends talked about their up and coming week away, Clarke's thoughts were on Lexa , hearing her voice and her laugh made the blonde smile .. 

"So I say we just all share one room" Raven rambled one "Clarke?"

Clarke was completely lost in her own world, she hadn't heard a word her friends had said .. 

"Griff?" Raven shouted clicking her fingers in front of Clarke's face .

"Sorry what?"

"Where were you?" Octavia laughed .

"Sorry guys, I didn't sleep well last night!" The blonde lied " what were you saying?"

Raven looked at her with curious eyes " any reason why you wouldn't be sleeping princess's?" She laughed " some one keeping you up?" 

"Oh god please don't say you're back with Finn" octavia begged.. 

"What? God no" Clarke answered screwing her face up " no I'm defiantly not back with Finn, I just couldn't sleep, to hot maybe" 

"Mmmm" Raven nodded "anyways, we were saying we should all share a room at months cabin, it will be like a week long sleep over" 

"Sounds good" Clarke agreed forcing a smile.

"Wow! Way to much enthusiasm from you princess" Raven teased " what's up with you? You of all people should be happy to get out of town for a week "

" I am!" Clarke nodded " really I am, I'm just tired" 

Two weeks ago the thought of going away filled Clarke with the up most joy, a vacation with just her friends, no adult, no shitty town, no Finn hanging around, it would have been perfect. The only problem now was she could have all that but there would also be no Lexa,   
Lexa was just starting to open up to the blonde and the last thing she wanted to do was dump her for a week. Not that she even wanted too .. 

"Oh here we go" Octavia rolled her eyes nodding to the door of the cafe .. 

Clarke turned to see what her friend was taking about " oh god" she sighed 

"Ladies" Finn Collins said with a grin " how are you this evening?" 

"Great" Raven answered " until you graced us with your presence" 

"Funny" Finn said deadpan " how you doing Clarke?" 

"Fine" Clarke sighed 

"Good to know! So I was wondering if..." 

"No" Clarke interrupted the smug guy saving him the trouble " I don't want to talk to you, or hang out with you , or do anything else with you so please take the hint and leave me alone" 

Finn nodded annoyed at the grins on Clarke's best friends faces . 

"Burned" Raven teased whist Octavia mimicked a plane crashing .. 

" your loss Clarke" he fumed " I won't ask again" 

"Good" the blonde smiled " that makes me happy" 

Finn sauntered off in a bad mood, he really was a Gluten of punishment, he needed to except he messed up the Clarke and move on.. 

"That guy?" Raven shook her head " what a tool" 

"I know, look .. um I'm gonna head home" Clarke stated standing up out her seat " I'll catch you guys tomorrow ok?" 

Ocatavia and Raven both frowned watching their friend leave " ok" they both said..

"What's with her lately?" Octavia worried 

"Beats me man" Raven shrugged " lets just get her away and she'll be fine" 

..... 

As Clarke walked out of the cafe Finn was waiting for her. 

"Finn for god sakes! Don't you get the message? I'm not interested" 

"Just hear me out please?" He begged following her as she walked away " I just want to apologise" 

"And you did" Clarke groaned " more then once" 

"So why won't you give me another chance?"

Clarke really didn't want to entertain her ex boyfriend , she just wanted to get home.. " just leave me alone" 

"I can't Clarke" Finn answered " I miss you" 

Clarke rolled her eyes, Finn was starting to become a broken record " I don't care Finn now go away" 

" I love you" 

 

Clarke stopped in her tracks turning to the sulking guy " you love me?" She laughed " did you love me when you where sleeping around behind my back? When you went to parties and picked up any girl that looked your way?" 

Finn stood looking down at the floor..

" I didn't think so" she spat " now so us both a favour and leave me alone" ..

Hurrying across the road into her street, the blonde hoped her ex got the message, yet the guy was relentless... 

"Clarke please?" He begged taking her arm ... 

 

Lexa sat in her room drying her hair, her mind for once was at easy and she had enjoyed talking to Clarke and spending the evening with Indra, she smiled at the thought of tomorrow when she would be hearing Clarke's voice again .. 

"Get off me?" 

 

Lexa could hear people outside and slowly took to the window, she could see a young man stood near the end of the street holding a girl in his arms .. 

"Finn let me go" Clarke ordered 

"I made a mistake princess, I was stupid and wasn't thinking straight" 

" which time Finn?" This was the second time you cheated on me, that I know of" Clarke fumed, " you don't care about me!"

"I do Clarke!, more then you know? I'm lost without you and I realised that now, cmon Clarke! we can work this out, just stop letting those stupid bitches you call friends put shit into your head 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Clarke shouted pushing the man away turning towards home.. 

Lexas heart dropped when she noticed it was Clarke the man was arguing with, part of her wanted to open the window and call out to check she was ok, but fear took over her and all she could do was watch on .. 

"Clarke" Finn persisted grabbing on to her once again 

"No!" Clarke raised her hand and it came crashing down on the young man's face " I said no and I mean it, we're over Finn, as in done and dusted, never gonna happen, so stay away from me, before I get Marcus to put a restraining order on your ass" 

Finn stood in shock holding his burning cheek.. he knew he had messed up and there was no way back for him and the beautiful blonde, all he could do was watch her walk away... 

 

Lexa watched as Clarke disappeared out of her view, the young man still stood there holding his face.. Lexa guessed he was Clarke's ex... "what an asshole" she said to herself moving from the window, hooping Clarke was ok...

 

.... 

 

Like yesterday Clarke arrived The Willis house on time.. taking her seat she gently tapped the door " hey lex? You there?" 

Lexa opened the door a little just like before " hi!" 

" hey!" Clarke smiled " so I got you something, she said slowly sliding the small box through the gap in the door " my mom and I went out for breakfast and I thought of you" 

Lexa opens the box to be greeted with a peanut butter filled donut " wow, That looks good" 

"Thought you might say that" Clarke laughed 

"Thank you nosy" Lexa teased causing Clarke to roll her eyes .. 

"Did you get into trouble for being late yesterday?" She added 

"Nah! My boss is so old, she probably doesn't even know what day it is" Clarke joked " so what have you been doing today?" 

" no much" Lexa answered " Indra stopped by this Morning and later your mom's coming over.. "

" that should be fun for you" Clarke laughed

Lexa didn't respond ,she was still worried about what happened to Clarke last night, so decided to maybe ask if she was ok?.. 

"So I saw you last night!" She started " out front" 

"Oh" Clarke muttered knowing exactly what Lexa was referring too. 

"You ok? You seemed upset?" 

"He's my ex" Clarke sighed lying down on the porch as she did yesterday " he keeps harassing me about us getting back together" 

"And you don't want too?" Lexa asked

"God no!" Clarke laughed under her breath " he cheated on" 

"What an idiot" Lexa thought to herself.. 

" not for the first time might I add" Clarke continued " he keeps trying to get back with me, but I'm done, he's hurt me way to many times and I know I took him back the first time! But I'm not an idiot, that guy just can't be faithful, he thinks with his dick to much" 

Lexa laughed " well I think after you slapped his face off he might have got the message?" 

"Oh you saw that?" Clarke cringed " I shouldn't have hit him, I lost lost my temper" 

"He deserved it, he's a fool for cheating on you" Lexa said softly 

"Thanks lex!.. anyways let's not talk about him" Clarke said " so you gonna eat your donut?" 

" umm .. maybe later, I just had lunch"

" what did you have?" The blonde asked

"Indra made soup" Lexa answered 

"What? I love indra's soup" Clarke sulked " your so lucky she's your mom, if I lived with Indra I think I would be about forty Pounds heavier" she joked ..

"She can certainly cook" Lexa smiled.. 

Clarke turned her head a little towards the door and could see the side of Lexa's leg, she would love nothing more then to see the girl in person, but she knew it was gonna be baby steps all the way .. " 

" hey lex?"

"Mmm"? 

"I'm really glad we do this.. even if it's only the second time" Clarke stated.." what I mean is, I'm happy you trust me enough to let me be your friend" 

Lexa smiled," you're a good person Clarke! , even if you do have a violent streak" she teased with a chuckle " remind me not to piss you off" 

" yeah, yeah, alright" Clarke rolled her eyes laughing.. " you have a really infectious laugh lex!, you should do it more often" 

Lexa squeezed her hands together that were laid in her lap " I'm trying " she whispered. 

" anyways let's not get all deep now" Clarke said " So tell me about your siblings? They look fun!" 

"Lincoln and Anya?... yeah I guess they are" Lexa smiled " Anya is more the baby of the bunch then I am, she's troublesome, not in a bad way but she's always up to shit, Lincoln on the other hand!" Lexa smiled " well he's just a gentle giant, he has muscles everywhere and looks kinda scary! Well until he smiles.. he's so soft, Anya use to tease him all the time" 

"You must miss them?"

"I do" Lexa answered in a whisper. She missed her siblings more then anything in the world and so many times they have asked to visit and she's said no.. she doesn't want them to put their lives on hold just because she has... 

" I wish I had siblings" Clarke spoke knowing Lexa was having a quiet moment " growing up on my own wasn't much fun, although when my friend Octavia and her brother Bellamy argue, usually over bell being way to over protective, I think thank god I don't have an older brother bossing me around" 

Yeah! Unless your older brother was as soft as mine, he's the one who gets bullied " Lexa laughed . 

"Well maybe I'll meet them one day?" Clarke smiled .

"Well they live in New York, Anya owns a bar so maybe you can hang out there sometime" 

" only if your buying" Clarke teased. 

"Maybe one day" Lexa sighed " except you're not twenty one yet" 

"Who's gonna tell?" Clarke laughed ..

"Your bad miss Griffin" Lexa smirked .. "so do you have to go to work?"

"Tryna get rid of me?" 

"No!.. I just don't want to make you late again" Lexa said 

"Well you can chill Miss Woods,I have no where to be" Clarke assure the brunette.. 

Clarke and lexa talked for an hour or so more, mostly about nothing in particular, Clarke was telling Lexa about her high school days and things her and her gang of friends got up to.. how she was looking forward to quitting her job, because it was boring and the pay was shitty, but it covered her painting supplies.. something she never asked Abby for, mainly because Abby still held out hope her daughter would go to Med school..  
Lexa talked of her life, mainly before the army, they never touched on that subject, Clarke assumed one day Lexa would bring it up if she wanted too.. if she didn't Clarke was ok with that... 

When Clarke got home she led on her bed, taking a moment to herself when her phone beeped.. 

..... 

 

O - man this trip can't come quick enough, I am so sick of my parents treating me like a kid... x

Raven - chill babe! .. it's a couple of days.. just nod and smile... nod and smilllllle lol x

O- Clarke? X

Clarke sighed heavily, as she typed .

Princess - rays is right O , lost grin and bare it, in a could of weeks we'll be in New York and you will never have to answer to them again... or Bellamy for that matter x 

Raven- oh hell yes.. speaking of which I have some apartments I've found on line, I'll email them to you both x 

O - New York with my favourite people? No parents or older brother? Man that's like a dream come true lol x .. thanks guys 

Raven - it's what we're here for babe, look at the apartments and get back to me x 

... 

 

Clarke smiled at the thought of living with her best friends away from the town they lived in, she couldn't wait to get stuff in to her Art degree and life in general .. she wondered if maybe her and Lexa would be friends in New York? If Lexa would ever feel brace enough to go home and start her life over ? ... all her thoughts were things she hoped she would one day have the answers for ... 

 

..... 

It was around nine pm that Indra checked in on Lexa, who seemed a little quiet " are you ok Honey?" 

Lexa slowly nodded her head "Indra?.. Abby lessened my medication today" 

"Yes she mentioned that" Indra nodded " she feels that your anxiety has lessened in the last week.. don't you?" 

Lexa shrugged " I don't know, I feel better but I don't know if it's the pills doing that" 

Abby and Indra believed that maybe Clarke's presence in Lexa's life was having a positive effect on the girl and both agreed that weening her off her medication would be a good thing.. 

"Do you want me to ask her to bring more?" 

"No" Lexa said shaking her head " I'll be ok I think" 

"Are you in any pain? I have some pain relief down stairs, I mean it's not like you usually have but it would take the edge off" Indra offered

"Abby already gave me some, and the pains pretty good today, " Lexa explained " but thanks" 

Indra nodded as she watched her daughter , something didn't sit right with the older women, although Lexa's mood seemed better, her body language spoke to the women ," how about some hot chocolate? You loved that as a child" 

"Shouldn't you be heading home?" 

" no" Indra smiled " I was thinking of staying over tonight?" 

Usually Lexa would argue she didn't need babysitting and for Indra to leave, but tonight she didn't " ok" she smiled " and hot chocolate sounds good" 

.... 

After making their hot drinks talked Lexa into watching a movie with her, half hour into the film Lexa had curled up by her mothers side after falling into a deep sleep, Indra watched over her for a while stroking her hair, she missed how close they once were... Lexa use to love Indra stroking her head and would fight Anya and Lincoln to be the one to sit next to their mother .. 

Deciding it was easier to leave Lexa on the couch, she laid her down placing a blanket over her " sleep well my child" she whispered placing a small kiss to the side of Lexa's head before heading upstairs .. 

.... 

"No! No! Move... get down.. stop, no please" came the screams from the living room of the old Willis house, a startled Indra ran down the stairs as quick as her legs would carry her ..

"Lexa?" 

Lexa had fallen on to the floor, kicking her legs and swinging her arms.

"Stop, you have to stop" she screamed whist still asleep.. "get down, get down,"

"Lexa" Indra called out " Lexa honey wake up" 

Lexa's night terror was in full force, her body reacting so violently her mother couldn't get close .. 

" he's burning" cried out Lexa " so one help me, he's burning, help me please" 

Indra laid some pillows around the girl incase she hurt herself before grabbing her mobile.. 

 

Honey" Marcus groaned " nudging his wife.. 

"Mmmm" Abby mumbled 

"Honey your phones ringing, wake up" 

Five more minutes" Abby muttered wrapping her arm around her husband .

"No Abby, wake up baby, your phones ringing" 

Abby sat up wiping at her eyes, squinting them at the brightness of her screen..

"Hello Indra?" 

Marcus sat up flicking the bedside lamp on ..

"Ok! It's ok" Abby said calmly jumping out of bed " Indra you need to calm down, in coming honey, I'll be right there, just don't leave her ok?, it's all gone be fine.. I'm coming" 

"What's happened"? Marcus asked checking the bedside clock which said it was three, twenty am .

"It's Lexa!" She's having a night terror, it's pretty bad I can here her in the back ground" Abby explained as she pulled on her sweater " I should never have lessened her medication" 

" hey it's not your fault honey" Marcus reassured her " you do your best for Lexa" 

"I have to go,Indra's a mess " Abby panicked heading down the stairs " Marcus where's my medical bag?"

"Kitchen" he called out as Clarke appeared at her bedroom door. 

"What's going on?" 

Marcus and Abby exchanged glances before Abby spoke to her daughter " it's late baby go back to sleep" 

"Mom? Where you going?" The girl asked worryingly" is something wrong?.. oh my god is Lexa?" 

"Go back to bed Clarke" Abby warned not having the time to explain.. 

"I'm coming with you" Clarke said firmly running down the stairs 

"No your not! I don't have time for this Clarke I have to go" 

"What's wrong with her? Mom?" 

" go!" Marcus said talking to his wife,taking Clarke by the shoulders " I'll explain"

 

Abby rushed out of the house heading to the Willis house as quickly as she could.. 

 

"Marcus!?" 

"Indra called your mom" he began to explain " Lexa is having a night terror, and Indra is unable to calm her down, she just needs your mom to help her with that" 

"Oh my god!" Clarke said sadly placing her head in her hands " do you think it's me? I mean is it to much for her having me there, maybe I pushed her to much"?

"No!" Marcus said firmly " Clarke honey, you've been a great help to Lexa, even Indra has noticed a massive improvement in here since you've been there for her" 

Why then!?" Clarke sniffed 

Marcus knew Clarke knew enough of Lexa's past to be honest with her z 

" sweetheart, what Lexa has been though, and what she's seen in her young life is more then any of us would ever be able to cope with, she's seen people, close friends lose their lives or be badly injured in front of her eyes.. the explosion where Lexa was hurt? It was bad Clarke, people she cared ahoy were killed, burned alive and there was nothing she could of done but lay there and watch" 

Clarke cried, she cried like she's never cried before, she cried for the people who lost their lives, for the families who lost their loved ones , but more then most she cried to Lexa... 

" she can't just un-see what she's seen Clarke, the injuries she sustain will always be a reminder of that day, when she closes her eyes she sees her fellow soldiers losing their lives, and sometimes those memories keep her awake at night, sometimes they haunt her in her dreams " 

"I want to be there for her? To help her" Clarke sobbed leaning into her step fathers arms 

"You are helping Clarke" Marcus shushed her wrapping her up in his arms " you really are" 

 

..... 

Abby I'm so sorry for calling you so late" Indra said as soon as she opened the door ..

"I just can't get near her" 

"It's ok Indra" Abby smiled "I'm here to help" 

As the women's stepped into the front room, Lexa was still crying out, her body still reacting to her dream, this had to be the worst one to date.. 

" stop, get down, please, someone help me" help me, Lexa screamed .. 

"Ok Indra" Abby said crouching down my Lexa's head " I need you to hold Lexa arm tightly ok... I'm going to sedate her" 

Indra nodded sitting as close as she can " I'm afraid" 

"Don't be" Abby said as calm as she could " it's going to be fine, I just need to to hold her arm whilst I inject her , once the sedative kicks in,she will calm down " 

"Ok" Indra nodded doing her best to hold Lexa as tightly as she could .. Abby used one hand to hold Lexa's head and the other to inject her, slowly Lexa's body began to slow down, her head resting in Abby's hands " it's ok Honey, Abby whispered softly stroking the girls head " shhhh its ok, you're ok Lexa "

 

Indra slumped down next to the sofa and began to cry, it was the first time she let herself break down " what do I do Abby?" 

Abby checked Lexa was ok before sitting beside her friend " you are doing all you can Indra" 

Indra shook her head " I thought she was getting better, I thought having Clarke was helping her, what if she's had these when I haven't been here? What if she's had to go through this alone?" 

"Lexa always tells you when she's had a dream, and I check her for bruising "Abby said hoping to reassure Indra " attacks like this one will leave marks, Lexa is going to be a little sore tomorrow, maybe groggy, I've heavily sedated her " 

"Shell we move her?" Indra asked 

"Yeah just to the couch, Abby nodded 

Once Lexa was tucked up safely on the couch, Abby offered to make Indra a hot drink..

"No need Abby, I've taken enough of your time as it is" 

"Nonsense!.. I'm not going anywhere" Abby smiled " I want to keep an eye on her " 

Indra smiled wiping her nose with a tissue. 

"She's not alone Indra, and neither are you "


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa woke feeling like she had a hang over, the light from outside was shining on her through the certain ..   
Her throat felt dry and her arms hurt "Indra?" She called out .. 

Hearing her call both Abby and Indra jumped up from their seats .. 

"Lexa" Indra smiled " how are you feeling?" 

"Like I've been blown up .. again" Lexa said trying to keep the mood light " why am I feeling so bad?" 

" I had to sedate you Honey" Abby said " I'm sorry you feel so bad" 

Lexa sat up " did I have a bad night?" 

"Pretty bad baby" Indra said sadly " I had to call Abby this morning to help me" 

Lexa could see the sadness in her mother eyes " I'm sorry" 

"No!" Indra said shaking her head " you have nothing to be sorry about" 

Lexa exhaled deeply " must have been pretty bad if you sedated me " she said looking at Abby .. 

Abby nodded there was no point in lying to the girl " Lexa I really think you should consider therapy" 

"No!" Lexa said firmly

"I can get someone to come to the house" Abby pleaded "you need extra help" 

"I said no" Lexa spat standing up a little to fast that a wave of dizziness rushed over her causing her to sit again.. 

"So what? Are you willing to live like this forever"? Abby snapped.. "you need help Lexa?" 

Lexa stood up slowly looking coldly at the doctor " I know what I need Doctor Kane, I don't need you telling me, I'm not ready" 

"When will you be Lexa?" 

Taking a deep breath to calm her temper Lexa turned to the doctor " thank you for your help this morning, but you can leave now" 

Abby shook her head as she packed her things up " she's so stubborn" 

"I know" Indra agreed " but after last night? I won't push her" 

"It's because no ones pushing her that she isn't improving Indra, sure her behaviours calmer since Clarke's been around, but this Morning, her attitude just then? It shows things are not getting better Indra, Lexa needs intense therapy, you know it and so do I" 

Pinching the bridge of her nose Indra nodded " I know! I know, let's just give her time to recover from this and we'll talk to her" 

Abby smiled squeezing the women's arm, she didn't hold much hope for Lexa to change her mind but she didn't want to add any more stress to Indra then she was under already " go home, rest" 

 

..... 

"What happened, is she ok? " Clarke started as soon as Abby arrived home .

"Clarke can you give me a minute " 

"Mom? I've been worried sick, you didn't answer my texts, she is ok?" 

She's fine Clarke" Abby answered he voice slightly raised " I had to sedate her, she had a night attack, it was pretty bad "

Clarke placed her hand over her mouth " poor Lexa.. how was she this morning?"

"Her usual self, cold, defense, rude, stubborn " 

Clarke rolled her eyes " mom don't be mean, she can't help it" 

"And what about Indra, Clarke? Abby snapped " what about how she feels? What she goes though? How every time Lexa has a set back it breaks her heart, how shitty she feels when Lexa coldly tells her to get lost? What about that!?" 

"Mom I know it's hard on Indra but don't you think you're being way to hard on Lexa?" 

"No I don't Clarke" her mother said " she needs help, therapy, last night was awful Clarke, if you had seen her you wouldn't be arguing with me.. I can heal her Body but not her mind Clarke, she needs more " 

Clarke slumped into the chair " what can I ?" 

Abby shook her head taking a seat next to her daughter, placing her hand in her own " that's just it Clarke, you can't do anything , the only person who can help Lexa is Lexa... maybe you need to take a step back?" 

What!? No" 

"Clarke!, Lexa isn't going to be in a good place for a while, you need to think of yourself, she may push you away anyways, isn't it best you distance yourself first?" 

Clarke stood up " no!, if Lexa wants to push me away then she can, I'm not turning my back on her" 

 

Abby sighed heavily as Clarke stormed off.. she hated herself for saying what she did,but she knew Lexa.. she knew how quickly her moods can change and she worried Clarke would get hurt.. 

 

Clarke showered and changed and quickly headed out towards the Willis house.. as she arrived she noticed a note in the door .. 

 

"Not today Clarke" was all it said.. 

Lexa" she sighed as she sat on the step .. she wanted Lexa to know it was ok! That she was ok and Clarke wouldn't ask or make a big deal about what happened .. she wanted her to know she was there for her... 

Pulling her note pad out she wrote a quick reply .. 

"It's ok, maybe tomorrow xx 

 

The next day was the same and the day after that , Clarke kept leaving notes saying she would still be there at they're chose time when Lexa was ready .. 

For the next four days the same happened 

Day 2 -- not today Clarke   
Day 3 - maybe tomorrow   
Day 4 - I'm sorry 

Clarke decided maybe her mother was right. Maybe Lexa was beyond any help Clarke could offer her? 

For those four days Lexa kept herself in her room, the bruising she sustained from her night terror were slowly healing, but her hand hurt, it was bruised and swollen, Lexa being Lexa was to stubborn to allow Abby to dress it or tend to the swelling. 

Indra did her best to reassure her daughter it was ok and that she had nothing to be embarrassed about, she cooked for her daily which went un-touched and the only interaction Lexa allowed Abby was to administrate her pain relief ... 

" no Clarke today?" Indra asked knowing that Lexa hadn't left her room only to shower and release herself .. 

" not today!" 

"She is a lovely girl Lexa" Indra stated " the least you could do is tell her to stop wasting her time" 

Lexa rolled her eyes not bothering to answer " go home Indra" she said instead .. 

Day 5 - Clarke popped her head over the gate to see if Lexa had left a note but there wasn't one... 

Clarke wondered if she had giving up leaving notes or if Lexa was actually ready to talk again?

Taken her spot on the porch Silently she waited, hoping Lexa would make a noise so she knew she was there... 

"Lex! You there?" She said softly placing her hand on the door " it's ok you know?"

A few moments later the door opened a tiny bit. 

"Hi" Clarke smiled moving a little closer to the door then usual .

"Why do you come here Clarke?" Lexa asked after a few minutes silence. 

Clarke laughed " gee thanks! And here's me thinking you enjoyed my company" 

She knew Lexa was feeling a little fragile and wanted to let her know it was ok, they didn't have to make it a big deal, they could pick up where they left off .

"You know what I mean?" Lexa sighed

" honestly?" Clarke asked " because you're probably the most interesting person I know in this town" 

" hardly" Lexa moaned " you don't really know me" 

" yeah well, you going quiet on me for five days, doesn't help that" the blonde laughed " besides I don't have to know everything about you to want to be your friend Lexa"

Lexa exhaled heavily shaking her head " you're better off hanging out with your friends Clarke, I'm not exactly great company" 

Clarke decided that if she was going to keep Lexa opening that door every day then she needed to be as open as possible .. 

" I told you about my dad Lexa!, I never speak about him, i can't" she whispered feeling a little sad " my friends don't understand what it's like, I mean they'll try,and they'll be sympathetic, but they don't get it.... you do,... you know what that kinda loss feels like, and I guess I feel like because we don't know each other that well it's easier to talk about how I feel" 

 

Lexa closed her eyes as she listened to Clarke open up .. 

" I think in some way you need me Lexa" Clarke continued " and In some way I need you" 

" what do you mean?" Lexa asked 

" I don't know " Clarke sighed running her hand through her hair " I think some people meet for a reason, and sometimes those people make a difference to each other's life, it's easy to talk to you, maybe because you're behind the door? I don't know, but it is... I don't know if you're feeling any of this or it's just me?" The blonde laughed .

 

"I do" Lexa swallowed " I feel like with each encounter I have with you, I gain some of the old me back, you make me laugh and I don't remember when I last did that" 

"It's ok to be scared Lexa" Clarke stated " you don't always have to be brave, and you also don't have to talk about things, not if you don't want to" 

Lexa could feel a tear run down her cheek 

" I just wish is would go away, the dreams! Sometimes they feel so real, I wake up and I think I can even smell the smoke, feel the fire, it's to real,and I know your mom's right, I do need something more like therapy but.... I just can't yet" 

 

Clarke herself had tears running down her cheeks at Lexa's revelation " you know what?" she swallowed down the lump in her throat. " the fact that you know you need that kind of help and that you admit it, is a huge step, but you don't have to do it until you're ready Lexa, no matter if my mom says you do or not" 

"Therapy will make me relive it, and I know!.. I know I relive it in my dreams but, talking about it? It scares me to death" Lexa revealed 

"Take it day by day lex" Clarke smiled " today you don't want to do it, tomorrow you might not, but one day you will and when that day comes you'll be ready" 

Clarke noticed the door had opened a little more, she knew she was gaining Lexa's trust.. " but in the mean time? I'll always be here" she said gently as she slowly slid her hand inside the door palm up... 

Lexa watched as Clarke's hand stopped just by her leg , her heart began to race and she felt like she would burst in to tears any minute... She wanted to take the extended hand so badly, she wanted to feel the warmth of someone again... 

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in before releasing it she slowly placed her hand on top of the waiting one. 

Clarke smiled as she gently linked their fingers " we don't even have to talk" 

Lexa squeezed the hand she was holding and that was all the clarification Clarke needed to let her know Lexa was ok ... 

 

"Hey Clarke?" 

"Mm?"

"Maybe tomorrow or the next day, you could maybe come inside?" Lexa said her voice full of nerves. 

Clarke could of jumped for joy at what Lexa had said,but she didn't want to pressure the brunette 

"Maybe" she smiled squeezing Lexa's hand that had been in hers for over twenty minutes " we'll see" 

The two girls sat in silence for a while longer, their hands still entwined, Clarke could feel an uncomfortable creak in her wrist but she wouldn't remove her hand for the world... 

"Clarke? Don't you have work?"

"Work?" Clarke repeated " oh shit yeah

Lexa laughed " you ate terrible at time keeping " 

" I know" Clarke laughed " I gotta go" 

Lexa finally let go of the blonde's hand, missing the warmth instantly " ok" 

" you're ok right?" Clarke asked 

" more then you know" was Lexa's reply, she even said it with a smile " I'll see you tomorrow" 

See you? Maybe Clarke would actually "see her" tomorrow after all these weeks .. excitement washed over her and her grin grew to the size of her face " see ya lex"


	11. Chapter 11

"So are you excited about going away? Abby asked as she made Clarke breakfast

"I guess" Clarke shrugged checking her watch, she wanted time to pass so she could head to the Willis house. 

"Oh cmon kid" Marcus encouraged " a whole week without any parental's? You gotta be stoked" 

"Yeah I am" Clarke sighed with a smile " in really excited" 

Marcus shook his head, he never really did understand the youth of today.. 

 

" so I'm gonna head out" Clarke explained standing up from the table. 

" are you going to see lexa?" Abby asked

Clarke shook her head " not right now, I have to head to monty's, some prep meeting for the trip" 

"Good" Abby smiled " I don't want you to wrap yourselves up in lexa, you need to be with your real friends"

Clarke rolled her eyes " I'm not wrapping myself up in lexa mom" she snapped " she's my friend just like raven and Octavia are" 

" you know what I mean Clarke" 

Clarke was in no mood for her moms smart ass comments today " no actually I don't know what you mean" 

"Ok" Marcus stepped in knowing full well what a Clarke and Abby fight was like " why don't you head out Clarke, say hi to the gang for me, and I'll help your mom clear the breakfast table" 

Clarke nodded appreciating her step-dad in that moment. 

" good idea" Clarke smiled at him " I won't be home for dinner" she added as she headed out the door. 

"Must you?" Marcus asked his wife unimpressed 

" what?" Abby shrugged " you think it's healthy that she is spending so much time over at the Willis house? Taking to door?"

" I think you need to let Clarke do what she wants Abby" Marcus answered " telling her not to do something is only going to piss her off and cause the two of you to fight, Clarke is passionate and she cares for lexa, I suggest you leave her be, she's not here much longer and the last thing you want is to be at logger heads with her" 

Abby knew her husband was right, not that she wanted to admit it " fine" she sulked handing him the dish cloth " you can finish up here, I have to go to lexa" 

 

..... 

Lexa was up and helping Indra bake, something she loved to do as a child, her favourite was banana cake and that exactly what Indra was making .

" this smell reminds me of home" Lexa smiled placing the cake tin in the over 

" yes" Indra smiled " you and Anya were always so impatient, Anya especially.. she would sit by the timer just waiting"

Lexa laughed which was music to her mothers ears " yeah and she always seemed to be the first to empty the bowl, poor linc never got a look in" 

Indra laughed loudly " he didn't stand a chance with you two" 

Lexa smiled as she nodded, she missed her siblings terribly, she made a mental note to call them soon... 

Abby tapped the back door as she entered " oh something smells good" 

"Banana cake" Indra stated 

" awesome... how are you today Lexa?" 

Lexa was still a little pissed at Abby but knew she meant well " I'm good, today is a good day" 

"That's what I like to hear" Abby offered her a smile " shell we?" 

Lexa nodded and headed upstairs to her room, removing her tshirt before Abby entered the quicker she got it over abc done with the better... 

Abby placed her medical kit on the bed pulling out everything she needed " any pain"?

"My shoulders a little painful, I'm not sure if I slept funny on it or not?"

Abby began to apply the cream that helped with Lexus scarring.. " let's take a look." 

Abby began to examine Lexa's shoulder lifting her arm gently " I think you maybe right, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong, you're scarring looks good... you're healing well Lexa" 

Lexa nodded placing her tshirt back on "thank you" 

Abby knew her time with Lexa was over as soon as she finished her examinations, they've never really talked much since the day They had talked about Clarke " same one tomorrow?"

Lexa shrugged heading into the bathroom leaving Abby to head back into the kitchen.. 

" all good?" Indra asked 

"Yeah" Abby smiled " she's healing beautifully, she seems lighter"

Indra smiled " yes she's in a great mood, even asked to bake" 

Abby nodded " good" 

"She still not happy with you huh, Indra stared rather then asked 

" she's never been a fan" Abby laughed " i guess that's to be expected, I'm not easy with her" 

Indra nodded " she'll get there "

Before Abby could speak Lexa appeared " talking about me?" 

A look of worry appeared on her face for a second before she noticed the corners of Lexa's lips curl 

" always" Indra teased Causing Lexa to roll her eyes .

"Does Clarke like banana cake?" The brunette asked the doctor.

Abby nodded" Clarke will eat any kind of cake, she had a very sweet tooth"

"Good" Lexa smiled knowing Abby wasn't overly comfortable with them hanging out " ill save her some then "

Indra rolled her eyes knowing exactly what her daughter was doing " and you and Marcus of coarse " 

Abby stood grabbing her things " well you know everyone's a sucker for you cooking Indra, I'm sure they'll be very happy about it" 

... 

Once Abby left Indra faced her daughter " you know she's been very good to you" 

"I know" Lexa agreed " doesn't mean she doesn't piss me off" 

"Lexa, cmon, she can't be that bad, she raised Clarke after all " 

Lexa looked to her mom narrowing her eyes " yeah ok.. ok"   
The timer buzzed causing Lexa to grin " cake time"   
... 

 

" So Raven you're gonna bring the music, Bellamy and Jackson got the booze, I got the games, and jaspers got the moon shine" monty read out with a smile " the rest can bring some food, snacks, soft drinks that kinda thing" 

Everyone nodded in agreement " this is gonna be an awesome trip" Jasper grinned " i can't wait" 

Raven high fived the excited boy " me either, a whole week with out parents sounds like heaven .. oh did you two get a chance to look at the apartments I sent you?" " she asked over at Clarke and Octavia. 

"Yeah " Octavia answered " some look pretty expensive, there is no way my parents will hand over that kinda cash on a monthly basis" 

" so we can get jobs, if we get the parental to help out we can pay the rest" raven shrugged not seeing it as a problem... "Clarke? Your moms happy to help out right?" 

Clarke hadn't really heard a word any of the group had said, her mind was again with Lexa and the hope that maybe today they would meet face to face ..

"Griff" Raven shouted slamming her hand down On the table.. 

"What?" Clarke jumped .

"Man what is with you lately" Raven moaned " I asked about the apartments in New York I sent you, O's worried about the rent .. I said we can get jobs to cover what ever is left after our parents chip in" 

"Oh" Clarke nodded " ok yeah um I'm in" 

Raven rolled her eyes " have you even looked at the emails I sent you"?

Clarke stood " i will but Right now I have to go" 

"Where?" Octavia moaned

" My Mom needs my help with something" the blonde lied " I'll look at the emails later ok?" 

Raven wasn't happy with her friend, she felt like she barely saw her and when she did she still wasn't there " you think she's changed her mind about apartment sharing?"

" God no," Octavia answered " she wants t more then we do, I guess she's just got stuff on her mind... Abby's probably been hassling her about med school again"

Raven nodded " maybe" .. 

... 

 

" your early" Lexa smiled as she opened the door slightly .

" yeah see my time keeping Isn't always bad" Clarke joked as she led on the porch " i was with my friends " 

Lexa felt a little bad, she hoped she wasn't keeping the blonde from her friends " you could of stayed with them you know? You don't have to come here"

" oooooo" Clarke teased " is someone in a mood today?" 

"No.. no I just " Lexa sighed " I just don't want you to stop what your doing or cut short your time with your real friends for Me" 

 

"Lexa" Clarke groaned " you are my real friend, and I've been with them all day, I love them but a few hours is more then enough, besides soon enough we'll be living in each other's pocket.. hey, do you live alone in New York?" 

" I lived with Anya" Lexa answered " why?" 

" Raven sent me some apartments to look at for when we go to school and Octavia was worried about the rent prices" 

" it's not cheap" Lexa agreed " I mean I'm guessing you'll all want you own room, a three bedroom apartment will cost you" 

" Hmmmm" Clarke hummed " ill be ok I have money from my dad for school and housing, and Raven got a hefty compensation cheque from a car accident she had a few years go which left her wearing a leg brace .. it's just Octavia, I'm sure she'll worry" 

" isn't that why the three of you want to live together?" 

"Yeah I mean Raven and I will happily help her out but she's proud, she wants everything split three ways" Clarke explained . 

Lexa nodded she could understand Octavia's thinking, even though she was hardly home she still insisted on paying half the rent for her and Anya's apartment each month.. 

" well I can probably point you in the direction for jobs" Lexa offered " I know a few people with a couple of business's and I'm sure I can get Anya or Lincoln to keep an eye out for apartments near the campus"

"Aww thanks babe" Clarke smiled looking at the door .. 

Babe? Lexa's blushed at Clarke's term of endearment, she probably called all her friends babe but it didn't matter, Lexa liked it.. 

Clarke didn't want to bring up the "letting her in" and knew if Lexa wanted her to she would of said .. it was hot out side today and the bottle of water in the blondes bag was warm " hey lex? You think maybe you could grab me a water or juice?, my waters gone warm" 

Lexa panicked a little, not knowing what to do or say.. oh uh... um.. I uh I guess" 

Clarke sensed the girl uncomfortableness " you know doesn't matter I can drink this water " 

" no" Lexa said getting up off the floor " don't be silly, of coarse I can get you a drink.. uh any preference?"

Clarke smiled sitting up " I'll have orange juice if you have it" 

Lexa nodded before shaking her head the girl couldn't see you dumbass she thought to herself " orange juice? Ok" 

Entering the kitchen Lexa's eyes fell on the beautiful decorated banana cake on the table, she remembered Abby's words about Clarke's sweet tooth, surely it would be mean to expect her to eat on the porch, would it be so bad to allow Clarke in? Let her sit at the table and talk like they do at the door? .. Lexa grabbed the orange juice and two glasses and placed them on the table.. she puffed out her cheeks letting her breath out gently .. she could do it.. she could let Clarke in.. 

 

Clarke was led back down on the porch, one hand behind her head the other holding her phone .. Lexa could see her, she looked relaxed, her cheeks were a little red, possibly from the sun, it was hot after all .. 

"Uh Clarke"?

Clarke placed her phone down " yeah?"

Lexa took a deep breath " do you uh, like banana cake?"

Clarke frowned but smiled " yeah" 

" Indra baked " Lexa said softly " would you like some?" 

Clarke laughed " who says no to Indra's baked goods?" 

Closing her eyes, biting her lip " you can do this" she whispered "you can do this" 

Clarke could hear whispering from behind the door .. "Lexa?"

Lexa nodded taking one more breath in and out .. she slowly opened the door but stood behind it " you better come in then" 

Clarke's eye lite up and her jaw hit the floor .. was this really happening ? Was Lexa really taking that kinda step? .. Clarke knew she couldn't make a big deal about it so quickly pulled herself together .. 

"Thank god cause I really need to pee" she said as she entered the house " where's the bathroom ?" 

Still behind the door Lexa pointed " down the hall on the left" 

" cool "Clarke said heading towards the bathroom. Lexa kicked herself for hiding behind the door .. "what a dick" she moaned at herself making her way to the kitchen to pour them both an orange juice.. she heard the flush of the toilet go and knew Clarke would appear behind her any second .. 

"Thanks I needed that" 

Lexa inhaled deeply before turning to face her new friend .. she didn't say anything, she barely even looked at the blonde, which suited Clarke it gave her a chance to take in the girl in front of her .. she was beautiful, way more beautiful then her pictures.. Clarke felt her cheeks redden when she realised she was checking Lexa out .. 

"Ok so cake?" 

Lexa settled a little as she nodded " Indra and I made it this morning" 

Clarke took a seat at the kitchen table " well it looks really good, this mine?" She asked pointing to the orange juice .

Lexa was thankful Clarke wasn't making this new situation a big issue.. she knew what she was trying to make it as comfortable as she could for her.. " yeah it's yours.. 

Lexa took a seat at the side of the blonde placing a piece of cake on a plate for her ... Clarke was even more beautiful close up, Lexa really likes the little beauty spot on top of her lip, she thought it was cute. 

 

"Oh my god" Clarke happily groaned as she took a bite of cake " it's is like the best thing I've ever put in my mouth" 

Lexa laughed shaking her head, Clarke nudging her when she realised that she may just have a dirty mind .. 

" I'm sure Indra would love to know that" Lexa teased causing Clarke to blush ... 

Once she has emptied her mouth Clarke took a sip of her juice and had a good look around the kitchen area " this place is more modern then I thought it would be" 

"Oh yeah?" 

"Mmmm" nodded the blonde " I mean the oldies that lived here before were like old old.. I imagined the inside to look like the outside.. like all creepy and stuff" 

Les smiled she liked Clarke's rambling " I think Indra might have cleaned it up" 

Clarke nodded before looking shyly at her companion then down to the cake she was eating .. 

"What?" Lexa frowned

Clarke laughed " ok I said to myself I wasn't gonna make a big deal about this" she started as she waved her hand between her and Lexa " but I have to say it.. I'm really glad I'm sat here with you" 

Lexa blushed this time " me too" she smiled with a little nod... 

"So apart from baking what have you done today?" 

 

Clarke and Lexa talked into the late evening, Clarke showed her the apartments Raven had sent her and Lexa let her know that there were much cheaper areas of New York they could live in that were just as close to the collage .. they talked about their favourite movies which Clarke made Lexa promise they would watch next time she visited.. Lexa shared some childhood stories about how her and Anya would get Lincoln to do stuff they knew would get them into trouble, which made Clarke belly laugh.. 

Time seem to fly by without either of them Noticing .. Lexa jumped a little when she heard the kitchen door open .. Indra stood with wide eyes when she was met with Clarke's warm smile " Clarke?"

Clarke waved " hi Miss Indra" 

Indra knew Clarke being in the house was a gigantic step for her daughter . "Hello Clarke, it's nice to see you" 

" I heard there was cake" the blonde joked " I should be heading home" she added checking her watch..Lexa suddenly felt tired so didn't protest.. " I'll see you out" 

Clarke said goodbye to Indra and headed out the front door " I really enjoyed being here" 

Lexa didn't bother to fight the smile that was growing across her face " I'm glad, I mean your company was alright" she joked 

"Yeah whatever" Clarke said playfully " I'm awesome company and you know... will I see you tomorrow?"

Lexa wanted Clarke back tomorrow she didn't give herself time to over think things " if you're free, I mean if you're not busy" 

" I'm free" Clarke winked " same time ok?"

Lexa nodded " Clarke" she called out just before the blonde stepped off the porch " maybe you um... could use the back, like Indra did" ? 

Clarke nodded as she bit her bottom lip, this was definitely " sure... see ya" 

Lexa closed the door and let out the breath she was hold for what she thought was the whole time Clarke was there... she enjoyed every minute of it .. Clarke was something else .

" you had a good day?" Indra asked as she watched Lexa taking a moment. 

"I'm a little tired" Lexa smiled " but yes.. today's been a good day" 

Indra nodded " why don't you take a nap while I cook us dinner?" 

Lexa couldn't think of anything better .. she laid her head down on her bed .. her bottom lip in between her teeth.. her mind still reeling from her new visitor, her lovely curly hair, her amazingly blue eyes, her freshly showered scent, her raspy voice and deep laugh... Lexa enjoyed all of it, she felt comfortable around Clarke and wondered how someone could so quickly break down her walls and walk on in to her life ... 

.... 

Clarke felt like she was waking on air as she bounced home.. her thoughts of Lexa were just like the brunettes of her.. .. she loved the braids in her hair. The vanilla scent she was sure was moisturiser.. her laugh and how she blushed a lot but what Clarke noticed the most was how green her eyes were, the artist in her was itching to sketch them... Clarke admitted to herself from the get go that she was attracted to the brunette but knew there was no way that Lexa would be no where near ready for anything like that ... pushing that thought to the back of her mind Clarke couldn't wait to get to know Lexa and spend as much time as she could with her. 

 

GROUP CHAT.. 

 

Raven--- my mom is so annoying .. I can't wait for this trip .. BRING IT ON BITCHES.

 

Clarke read the message over and over again.. the trip was coming around to fast for her liking.. her and Lexa were finally hanging out face to face and now she was about to leave for a week.. she worried that when and got back things would have changed and maybe Lexa wouldn't be the same.. maybe a week of being alone would send her back a few steps.., the more Clarke though about it the more she knew she really didn't want to go away.... she needed an excuse and she needed one fast ...


	12. Chapter 12

What do you mean you have to work?" Raven spat " no Clarke now way, we've had this planned for weeks"

"I know, I know I'm sorry" Clarke felt bad, she felt really bad.. she had lied to her friends and told them her mom had told her employer she will work so they could take a few days off .. 

" what the hell is your moms problem?" Octavia sulked " I mean I get it you're her only kid and she's gonna miss you when we head out to collage, but to do that knowing we were going away is just fucked up" 

Clarke sighed " I'm sorry guys, and I don't think she realised it was that exact week when she said yes"

"Quit" Bellamy shrugged " I mean you're quitting anyways to move, just quit early" 

"Bells right" Raven nodded " you don't need to work there no more" 

"Guys I cant do that" Clarke sighed " my bosses are really old and you all know how hard they work," 

" are you actually bothered about this? "Octavia asked " i mean did you even want to come"?

Clarke frowned " of coarse I did, why wouldn't I?" 

" well you've been all over the place lately" Raven stated " we can barely keep you attention, if you didn't want to go you coulda just said" 

"Guys cmon of coarse I wanted to go" Clarke sighed

" maybe we could postpone?" Jasper offered " I mean it won't be the same anyways " 

"No" Clarke snapped " I would feel way to bad if you did that, look maybe I could come up for the last weekend? I'm sure Marcus will borrow me his car" 

As much as Raven and Octavia wasn't happy that she was cancelling they both nodded and agreed.. Clarke hated herself for lying to her friends, she knew how important this week was to them, but on the other hand once they hit New York they would be hanging out together all the time and Monty, Jasper and Harper were all heading to Boston so it wasn't a million miles away, it's not like they wouldn't be seeing each other again.. Lexa needed her more.. finally opening up to the blonde and letting her into the house was a massive step and Clarke knew that. From what she knew of Lexa and her past and what she's going through Clarke just felt she needed her more then her other friends did ... 

 

.... 

Clarke got up from her seat " Ok so I have to go" 

"Where?" Raven asked pissed off that yet again Clarke was leaving 

" I have some stuff to do" Clarke shrugged 

" like what?" Octavia asked 

" stuff" Clarke fumed " what is this?" 

" well you tell us, you're the one who keeps running off" 

 

"Guys" Monty waded in " leave her alone ok, she had she has things to do" 

Clarke smiled softly at her friend she was really gonna miss him .. " thank you" she mouthed before saying her goodbyes.. 

" what is with you two?" Monty snapped 

" with us?" Octavia repeated waving her finger between herself and Raven " it's not us that's acting weird, Clarke's barely hung out with us in weeks and when she does she's a million miles away or heading off somewhere" 

" yeah like last week she said she had to go home" Raven added " when I called the house Marcus said she wasn't there" 

"So what?" Bellamy shrugged " so she has something else going on in her life, you don't have to know everything" 

" uh yeah we do" Raven said " we're best friends., also she was the one who wanted to get out of town more then any of us and now she's not coming" 

"just cut her some slack ok" bell added " look if something's going on I'm sure in time you'll know about it... don't bust her balls over the trip ok?" 

Octavia sighed " we don't mean to, it's just important to us that we all spend our last summer together.. we want her there" 

" we have plenty of time to be together" Jasper smiled " no ones moving to the other side of the world.. Boston isn't far from New York, we'll be fine" 

Raven nodded " you're right... I'll call her later and apologise "   
.... 

 

Clarke decided not to tell her mom about her change or plans, she knew she would have an opinion on the matter... " so I hear you we're inside the Willis house yesterday?"

"News travels fast" Clarke said rolling her eyes as she read the new paper infringes of her.. 

"Just don't push Clarke, Lexa will have good days and bad days " 

" I already know that mom" Clarke snapped " you don't have to keep telling me"

" hey" Abby snapped " less of the attitude ok, might I remind you that I am the one who cares for Lexa, I've seen her at her worse, you my girl haven't, it's all nice for you two to talk and eat cake but you've only got Lexa on good days, so forgive me for looking out for you" 

" yeah I know that " Clarke argued back " and I get it mom... really I do, and I know Lexa isn't always gonna be as open with me as she has.. I do know that, but we've become friends and I'd like to continue that. Even Indra said she's better since we've met so maybe I am helping" 

" and you are Clarke" Abby agreed " I just want you to understand that it's not always hearts and flowers" 

" I get it mom ok..." Clarke snapped " I'm going out" 

" to see Lexa?" Abby asked 

"Yup.. I won't be home for dinner either" 

"Clarke"

" mom I know you don't want me to be disappointed and I know you think I have this different kinda view of who Lexa is but I get it, she's messed up from what happened, she can be cold and rude and stubborn I get it... but she's also funny and sweet and and.. " Clarke shook her head " she's just trying to get her life back together, and if I recall you use to think her and I hanging out would be a good idea" 

"I didn't say it wasn't a good idea Clarke, I just don't think you getting to close is healthy for either of you" 

" let us be the judge of that" 

Abby sighed heavily looking up to the ceiling, her daughter was a stubborn so and so sometimes .. 

 

.... 

" knock knock" Clarke smiled as she opened the back door of the Willis house, Lexa smiled back as she sat at the kitchen table with Indra.. 

" what no cake?" Clarke teased 

" not today" Indra laughed taking her tea cup to the sink " so I'll be back about five to make you dinner" 

"Uh actually I was thinking Lexa and I could get pizza" Clarke said looking at Lexa for the answer 

"I don't mind" Lexa shrugged rolling her shoulder 

" done then" Clarke grinned sending Indra a wink .." take the night off" 

Indra said her goodbyes and left the two teens alone ..

" so I brought some dvds with me today" Clarke spoke pulling the boxes from her bag " I thought you might wanna watch something, I have like, thrillers, horrors. Although I'm not really a fan" she laughed " I got comedy too.. thoughts on rebel Wilson?" 

The whole time Clarke was taking Lexa just watched her, she could watch her all day she thought, she like how Clarke hadn't made a massive deal about them now hanging out inside the house .. how she just acts so cool and comfortable even though she knows what a big deal it actually was .. 

"Lex?" Clarke frowns 

"Mmmm" Lexa Huns coming out of her trance .

"Rebel Wilson?.. fan or not?" 

Lexa smiles " yeah sure" 

Clarke laughed " you didn't hear a word I said did you?"

"I did" Lexa laughed " dvds" 

Rolling her eyes the blonde dropped down on to the chair next to Lexa " we don't have too" 

Lexa shook her head rolling her shoulder again which Clarke had noticed for the second time " no I won't too, your moms gonna be here soon though, shell we wait till after?" 

"Mmmm" Clarke groaned " maybe I should of came over after, we had a fight earlier"

"About me?" Lexa asked softly 

"No" Clarke lied " she just likes to have an opinion on my life" 

Lexa knew that was a lie " Clarke I don't want you and your mom falling out over me?" 

" We're not" Clarke said firmly " it's really not about you ok?"

Lexa still wasn't convinced but allowed the moment to pass " ok" 

Clarke had noticed Lexa's shoulder was irritating her but didn't know if it would be pushing the boundaries to mention it or offer to help with it.. " So I finally looked at some of the places in New York you told me about. I think my friends and I are a gonna need full time jobs to pay for even a half decent size apartment" 

Lexa nodded " it's not cheap, but like I said I can put you in contact with some people who might be able to help you out" 

Clarke grinned " thank you,.. so how long is my mom usually here for?" 

"Depends" Lexa shrugged " in and out if I'm alone, she might stay for coffee and a chat if Indra's here, I have to be honest Clarke, I'm not exactly friendly with your mom" 

Clarke smiled " who is friendly with their doctor?.. I'm sure she doesn't take it personally" 

Lexa nodded " can I get you a drink?" 

Clarke stood up from her seat making her way over to the kettle " I'll make coffee" she smiled earning a nod from the brunette ..

White, no sugar for me" Lexa stated " will you excuse me for a moment, I just need to head upstairs" 

"I'll be here" Clarke smiled coming her arms over her chest .. 

 

Clarke had a feeling Lexa had left due to the irritation in her shoulder, the girl was obviously struggling and didn't want the blonde to know. 

Abby entered the kitchen via the back door startling her daughter " mom" 

"hey" Abby smiled looking around " where's Lexa?" 

"She went upstairs a minute ago" Clarke answered " mom I think Lexa has some pain in her right shoulder, she keeps rolling it, she hasn't said anything but I thought maybe you could take a look at it?" 

Abby smiled as she squeezed the blondes arm " I'll check it out .. " 

.... 

" do you need any pain relief while I'm here?" Abby asked as she finished applying ointment to Lexa's back.. 

" just the usual will be fine" 

Abby nodded " ok.. any new pain? Or old pain that's flaring up?" 

Lexa looked at the doctor out of the corner of her eye " I told Indra this morning it's just an ache in my shoulder, she doesn't need to be telling tales " 

"It wasn't Indra" Abby stated " Clarke mentioned you've been rolling your shoulder" 

"Well I would appreciate it if you and your daughter didn't discuss me when I'm out of the room" Lexa snapped coldly 

" Hey, you stop that" Abby fumed " she was just concerned about your well being, you may take things out on your mother but you won't do it to my daughter do you understand me? 

Lexa could feel herself heating up, she didn't take kindly to being spoke about and her frost reaction is usually to shout and scream and kick everyone out, but Abby was right, she couldn't do that to Clarke. She didn't want to... " it's just an ache please drop it" 

Abby took that as a good sign, Lexa taking in her warning without any kicking and screaming " as you wish" I'll see you tomorrow, I'll leave your sleeping meds and pain relief downstairs ok?" 

Lexa nodding busying herself with putting her sweater back on .. she felt a little awkward having Clarke in the house now that she knew her and Abby had spoke about her ... should she ask her to leave? Tell her she's tired?.. 

 

Once Lexa made her way back to Clarke all her thoughts went out the window, Clarke was sat down on the couch with her sketch book open, two coffees on the table, her eyes glued to the Page she was sketching on , her bottom lip caught between her teeth.. she looked adorable, Lexa knew she didn't want her to leave, she knew Clarke was looking out for her, being her friend. 

Hey" Clarke smiled " I thought you forgot I was down here" 

Lexa smiled taking a seat next to the smiling blonde " no I just needed a minute.. may I?" She asked holding out her hand.. 

Clarke nodded giving Lexa her sketch pad " there just doddles" 

Lexa looked through the pad, mainly full of hands, trees, houses, that kind of thing " you're very good Clarke, I can see why you didn't want to go into medicine" 

"Thanks" Clarke smiled giving Lexa a little nudge instantly regretting it when she remembered what shoulder it was ..

" so you said something about pizza?" Lexa asked not bring attention to the fact other then Indra and Abby, Clarke is the only other person to touch her in a long time ..

" oh yes" Clarke said standing to her feet " so what do you usually have? Topping wise?" 

"Hmmmm it's been a while" Lexa said out loud as she thought about it " um something meaty?" 

"Meaty? I can do" Clarke smiled pulling her phone out " for a second then I thought you were gonna be one of those crazy people who actually think pineapple on pizza is acceptable" 

" gross" Lexa cringed " defiantly not a fan of fruit on pizza" 

" me either" Clarke laughed as she typed away on her phone " Ok so I've ordered them to my house and my step-dads gonna bring them here" she explained " I thought it would be easier, you know so that it doesn't bring attention to the house" 

Lexa nodded " ok thank you, shell we look at these movies you brought" 

 

... 

Marcus was good enough to text Clarke to come outside for the pizzas rather then him go to the door. He didn't want to unnerve Lexa in any way... the two settled on bridesmaids the movie, which Clarke internally high fived herself for, hearing Lexa laugh as a beautiful sound .. she didn't know her all that well but she could tell she hadn't been this relaxed in a long time ... " have you seriously never seen this before?" 

" never " Lexa laughed " but I'm defiantly watching it again" 

Clarke smiled still noticing Lexa's shoulder, she wondered if her mom had gave her something to help... " hey" 

"Mmmmm" Lexa hummed not taking her eyes off the tv. 

" is there anything I do" ? 

Lexa looked at her new friend with a confused frown " do?" 

Clarke just pointed to the brunettes shoulder " I know it's giving you some trouble" 

" is that why you mentioned it to your mom?" Lexa asked not trying to sound cold but it came out like it anyways 

Clarke looked down at her hands that were fiddling with the hem of her shirt " sorry" 

"Don't be" Lexa smiled nudging the blonde " it's ok Clarke, I know you're just trying to help, but it's an old wound, high school basket ball I think , it's not pain, it just aches from time to time" 

"Didn't my mom give you anything to help?" 

Lexa shook her head " pain meds don't help, it's like I said it's an ache, like the creeks in the floor boards of this old house" she laughed 

Clarke smiled with a little nod excepting what Lexa had told her... " I could massage it for you?" 

Lexa swallowed "oh uh... um no I mean thanks but it's ok" 

"I wouldn't mind?" Clarke said softly hoping to help 

Lexa sighed heavily " Clarke I appreciate you wanna help but I um... I don't think I'd be comfortable with it.. you know like taking my shirt off" she said honestly 

Clarke laughed loudly " take a girl out for dinner first " she teased " I didn't mean take your clothes off lex... I meant like over your shirt" 

Lexa blushed and preyed for the floor to open up and swallow her whole " oh god" she cringed hiding her face in her hands 

Clarke thought it was cute " come here" she waved patting a space between her legs for lexa to sit " I won't bite" 

Lexa felt a little nervous, she had already admitted to herself that Clarke was beautiful and the first thing that hit her the day before was how good she smelt.. now here she is being offered to sit in front of the girl whilst she puts her hands on her.. 

Lexa wasn't sure how she would feel once Clarke touched her.. " I don't know" 

Clarke sensed her concerns " if you're uncomfortable I can stop... trust me?"

Lexa weirdly does trust the blue eyed girl looking at her, even if she hadn't know her long, she defiantly trusted her " ok" 

Clarke waited till Lexa was sat on the floor in between her legs, " ok so where does it ache most?"   
Lexa just ran her hand over the area not saying a word . 

" ok" Clarke rubbed her hands together to make sure they weren't cold " ready?" 

Once Lexa nodded Clarke slowly ran her hands across her shoulder and collar bone.. feeling Lexa take a shape inhale she stopped " you ok?" 

"Yes" Lexa spoke her eyes closed and her breathing slowly evening out .. once Clarke started again she could feel Lexa relax.. taking it as a good sign the blonde continue to massage the ache away... as she brushed Lexa's hair away she noticed red marks just under the neck line... she knew they were the scars of Lexa's past. She knew that was what her mother took care off, part of her wondered how bad they were, the other part of her wished she could massage them away too ... what had this girl in between her legs really been through? How bad was it really?" 

They must have been in this position for a good ten minutes, Clarke's mind had wondered off whist Lexa stayed in the moment, felling someone's hands on her felt good, they were warm and soft and Clarke was gentle but firm enough to take the ache away, Lexa's nose was engulfed in the scent of the blonde and she was surprised she didn't mind .. 

"How's that" ? 

Lexa nodded " good thank you for helping "

"Any time" Clarke whispered into the brunette ear making her shudder .. "it's late I should head home" 

Lexa nodded not really wanting the night to end, " ok" 

Once Clarke has grabbed all her things Lexa walked her out " thank you Clarke I had a nice night" 

"Me too" Clarke smiled leaning in gently placing her lips to Lexa's cheek " night lex" 

Lexa felt like she couldn't breath. Her cheek was on fire as was her insides... for the first time in a long time she felt alive.


	13. Chapter 13

Abby stood in line waiting to reach the coffee shop counter when she was greeted with a pearl white smile .. " Monty" she smiled " How are you honey?" 

"I'm good thank Doctor Kane, how are you?"

"Good, just need a decent caffeine fix, the hospitals coffee machine just doesn't do it for me" Abby joked 

Monty laugh " well I'm glad I can help you, what will it be?" 

Abby placed her bag on the counter " I'll have a milky Carmel latte please" 

"Coming up" 

"So are you counting down the days till you all head out for a week?" Abby asked

" yeah I can't wait, everyone's excited, I mean we're all bummed Clarke can't make it now but if she has to work she has to work"

Abby's face told Monty that this was the first she's heard of it.. " I mean she does have to work right? She said you offered her to work so the store owners can have some time off" 

Clarke wanted to thank her lucky stars she wasn't in front of her mom at that moment, Abby was not amused that not only was Clarke lying to her friends she was also blaming her.. 

"Doc?" Monty said handing Abby her coffee.. 

" thank you Monty, you have a great vacation ok honey?" 

Monty was baffled, he had no idea what was going on with Abby, but he was a smart guy, he worked out pretty quickly that she had no idea about Clarke's change of plan, so in that case he needed a little that with his blonde friend at some point... 

.. 

 

"We should go to the beech" Clarke said as she washed up hers and Lexa's cup .

"The beach " Lexa frowned " Clarke I can't go to the beach" 

"Why not?" Clarke shrugged drying her hands " you're no agoraphobic" 

"I know" Lexa swallowed " it's just I've been in this house for months now and I " 

"That's all the more reason to wanna get out" Clarke interrupted " I'm not saying now, or in the light of day, we could drive out in the evening, " 

Lexa wasn't against the idea, she loved the water.. " can I think about it?" 

Clarke's phone beeped indicating she had a message " yeah sure you can" 

MOM - Clarke I want to see you, I have an hour before my next surgery so I'll meet you at home ... NOW! 

"For god sakes" Clarke moaned 

"Problem?" 

"My mom wants me" the blonde sighed rolling her eyes " I probably left the dishes in the sink or something mundane like that " 

 

Lexa laughed "well you better not keep her waiting" 

Clarke grabbed her bag " you wanna watch a movie later?"

Lexa nodded she was getting use to Clarke popping in and out through out the day, and it weirdly didn't brother her like she thought it might .

"Alright, if I'm not back by seven it means she's killed me so call nine one one, don't call the sheriff though he was probably in on it" she winked 

"Ok" Lexa laughed " I'm sure I'll see you at seven"   
.. 

 

"Mom" 

"Kitchen" 

Clarke didn't like the tone that sailed through the house, she was defiantly in trouble ..

"You want to see me?"

Abby was sat drumming her fingers on the kitchen table " so do you want to explain to me why I'm public enemy to your friends ?" 

Clarke frowned still clueless " what do you mean?" 

" what do I mean?" Abby said raising her voice " I mean the fact You're friends probably hate me because you lied to them about not being able to go on the trip you've all had planned all year"

 

Oh shit.. Clarke thought trying hard not to show the panic running through her .. 

Abby waited for her daughter to explain herself but nothing came . 

"So as you're just going to stand there and act like you have no idea what I'm talking I'll refresh you're memory... imagine my surprise when I pop into get some coffee and Monty tells me how bummed they all are that their good friend Clarke can't go away with them anymore because her mother... that's me by the way " Abby said sarcastically " said she can work instead" 

 

"Ok so I shouldn't have blamed you " Clarke shrugged " sorry" 

"Sorry" Abby shouted " sorry? That's all you got?.. no explanation as to why all of a sudden you're not going? After you begged the life out of me to let you go" 

"You didn't want me to go anyways" Clarke spat back " you spent days going on about how unhappy you was about it" 

"Don't get smart with me Clarke" Abby warned " so when did you decided you wasn't going? " 

Clarke rolled her eyes, the problem with her and Abby was that they were so much alike, they both had tempers and were stubborn as hell, which resulted in a lot of arguing.. 

" Clarke?"

" I just changed my mind ok? I don't want to go, you don't want me to go so what's the problem?" 

" this is about Lexa isn't it?" Abby stated rather then asked " you would rather dump you're real friends to hang out at that house with Her" 

"Lexa is my real friend" 

" you barely know her Clarke" Abby was getting annoyed at Clarke's attitude 

" I know her enough, and so what if it is about her, she needs a friend right now, I can hang out my the others anytime.. Raven and O are coming to New York with me so it's not like i won't see them " 

"What she needs is therapy Clarke.. not you hanging out with her all day long. She doesn't need pity" 

"I don't pity her" Clarke shouted " I like hanging out with her, you don't know her like I do, she's different with me, even Indra says so" 

Abby took a long look at her daughter " are you in love with her? Is this what it's about?"

"Oh my god" Clarke sighed shaking her head 

"Do you have a crush on her? Has something happened between the pair of you?" 

" what so because she's gay and I'm bi we can't possibly just be friends? Grow up mom" Clarke fumed

" I'm not the one who needs to grow up my girl" Abby snapped back " you think that hanging out with Lexa and doing normal things like watching movies is gonna snap her out of the depression she's in? You're very naive if you think that Clarke, Lexa may never leave that damn house. She isn't going to get better any time soon and certainly not with out the right help, you think you're helping her but really you're not... what's going to happen when it's time to leave for school? Or have you decided not to bother doing that now as well?" 

Clarke was so done with this argument of coarse she was going to go to school, if anything just to get out of the shitty town and away from her mothers nagging " I'll be going to school" 

Abby shook her head wanting to shake her daughter " you have no idea what you're doing, you haven't seen Lexa at her worst, the best thing you can do is go away with you're friends and enjoy the time you have left before you're life gets real"

 

" I'm staying right here, and I'm gonna spend as much time with Lexa as she allows, I'm not asking you're permission, I'm telling you how it's, I'm not a child anymore you can't tell me what to do, and my life is as you say about to get real, well Lexa needs help getting her real life back and you may not think I'm helping but I beg to differ, she likes me there and i like being there .. she laughs, she's relaxed, she hasn't had an episode in a while and she's even thinking about letting me take her to the beach so please don't insult me and say I don't know what I'm doing" 

Abby was taken Back by the way Clarke had spoke to her, she worried Clarke was in to deep with Lexa and every bone in her body told her the blonde was falling for Lexa., " you're gonna get hurt" 

"No ones gonna get hurt" Clarke answered back Turning to leave the way she came, she needed to get out of the house and away from her mom, she hated arguing with her but there was no way she was going to back down ... Clarke decided not to go back to Lexa just yet, she was all worked up and didn't want the girl to see her that way, 

 

"Clarke" 

Clarke turned to see her friend Monty crossing the road 

"Hey" 

"Hey" he smiled " wanna go for a soda?"

Clarke nodded as the Asian boy wrapped his arm around her next " I think you and I have a lot to talk about" 

.. 

 

Clarke and Monty sat outside the fast food place sipping on some cokes " so you gonna tell me the real reason you're not coming with us?"

Clarke felt guilty, she knew it was a bad idea to lie to her friends, it was obvious one of them would bump into her mother and mention it " there's just some stuff going on" 

"Like what?" Monty asked " cmon Clarke you can tell me" 

And she could, she trusted Monty, he was a loyal friend and one she would miss most when they all leave, Monty knew how to keep a secret . 

"There's is girl" 

"You're dumping us over a girl?" 

Clarke laughed " no.. nothing like that... if I tell you Monty you have to promise me you won't say anything to anyone?" 

Monty pinky promised and Claire spent the next half an hour talking about Lexa .. 

"Wow, so she's been at the Willis house all this time?"

Clarke nodded " she needs a friend and I wanna be there for her... i know it's shitty to drop you guys for someone I barely know but if I go then I'm scared when I get back she won't want to know me, or she'll go back into her shell again" 

Monty nodded "you're a good friend Clarke, and as much as I wish you were coming, I understand why you're not, I mean if any of us were to go through something like that then I know I'd be there in a shot" 

"So you're not mad?" She asked

"No" Monty smiled " I get it, I mean I know if they others knew they wouldn't be so pissed off" 

"No" Clarke panicked " Monty I meant what I said, no one can know, other then myself, Marcus my mom and Indra you are the only person that knows she's here," 

"Chill Clarke" Monty laughed " in not gonna say a word, you can trust me" 

"I know" 

... 

Whist Indra was making dinner she could see Lexa shifting constantly in her seat, she was reading, but something was on her mind and her mother knew it .

"You ok?"

Lexa nodded 

"Are you in pain?" 

Lexa shook her head 

"Is something on your mind?, that maybe you want to talk about?"

Lexa sighed closing her book.. "so I've been thinking about Lincoln and Anya quite a bit" 

Indra nodded with a smile " I'm sure they think of you too, well i know they do, they ask after you all the time" 

Lexa smiled " I'm not sure I'm ready to have them visit but I'd like to maybe text them or talk to them, do you still have my phone?"

Indra couldn't believe Lexa was asking for her phone, she had tried many times to give it back to the brunette but each time met with the cold shoulder .. this was defiantly a good step for her daughter 

"I do yes" Indra nodded " I keep it in my bag invade you want it" 

Lexa had thought about her siblings and did miss them terribly, she wanted to contact them, let them know she's going better, she also thought maybe it would be easier to contact Clarke, like if she was having a down day maybe she could let her so she wouldn't come over, stuff like that.... she told herself. 

 

"May I have it?"

Indra took the phone and its charger out of her bag placing it on the table, Lexa didn't pick it up she just stared at it for a while, before everything Lexa was an active member of the internet world , she facebooked, she tweeted, she snap chatted and WhatsApp'd , now she wondered if she even know how to turn the iPhone on.. " thank you" 

Indra nodded and continued to make dinner, not wanting to make a big deal out of what just happened .. 

"She'll I make extra for Clarke?" 

Lexa shrugged picking up her phone and headed to her room closing the door.. 

Turning her phone on her screen saver came into view, it was of her, Anya and Lincoln, the same picture that took pride and place in Indra's house .. Lexa smiled remembering the moment that picture was taken, they had been to a party, they laughed, they drank and Anya puked all over Lincoln's shoes. 

.. 

"Hey Indra" Clarke smiled as she came through the back door 

"Hello Clarke, how are you"?

" I'm good, where's Lexa?" 

"Upstairs, she asked me for her phone today" Indra whispered 

"Oh" Clarke nodded "that's progress right?" 

"Mmmm" Indra grinned "you going up?" 

"Nah I'll give her a minute" Clarke stated taking a seat at the table " I'm sure she'll come down when she smells you're cooking" she giggled. 

" are you eating too?" 

Clarke frowned " like I'd pass that up" 

.. 

Indra had left about twenty minutes before Lexa came into the kitchen, Clarke was sat sketching in a world of her own .. 

"Hey" Lexa smiled leaning on the door frame " how long have you been here?" 

Clarke jumped a little then relaxed looking up from her pad " a while" 

"Why didn't you let me know?" Lexa frowned 

Clarke shrugged " I thought maybe you were taking a minute, Indra told me you have you're phone"?

Lexa nodded "want my number?" She smiled 

Clarke pulled her phone from her bag handing it to the brunette " of coarse"

Lexa typed her name and her number into the blondes phone " I'm a little rusty, I've decided to stay off the social media for now" 

" people moaning about their lives? Or bragging about their partners? Can't imagine why you wouldn't want to go on social media" Clarke joked 

" well it's not like I have much to write about myself?" Lexa shrugged 

"What?" Clarke gasped placing her hands over her heart " you mean you don't want to brag about how cool you're new bff is?" 

Lexa rolled her eyes but laughed " no" 

Clarke laughed loudly " I'm hurt" 

"I'm sure" Lexa shrugged "so dinner?" 

... 

After dinner the pair sat on the couch watching a movie, Clarke noticed Lexa looked uncomfortable, she kept shuffling in her seat 

"You ok?" 

Lexa knew it was pointless lying to Clarke " I'm in a little pain" 

Claire sat upright " did my mom not give you you're meds today?" 

"She did" Lexa answered "but it's not taking the edge off" 

" I think I have some painkillers In my bag?" 

Lexa shook her head over and over" I can't take them Clarke" she bite her bottom lip " I can only have what you're mom provides me" 

"Ok" Clarke shrugged " i can call her and ask her to bring you more?" 

Lexa looked down as she fiddled with her hands " no I mean I can only have the amount she gives me Clarke"

Clarke knew what that meant, and her heart hurt a little for the girl at her side " ok so what can I do?" 

"Nothing" Lexa forced a smile " it'll be ok?" 

"Where does it hurt?" Clarke asked not giving up. 

" it'll be ok" Lexa said again standing up " I'll just go use the ointment you're mom left me, I'll be back" 

Clarke watched as Lexa headed upstairs, she wondered if she should text her mom but didn't want to upset her friend .. if she says it'll be ok then she had to trust that .. 

Lexa had been gone for way over twenty minutes and Clarke started to worry, she slowly headed upstairs and gently knocked on what she hoped was Lexa's bedroom, it was the only shut door " lex?" 

Lexa didn't answer she was sat with her eyes closed, ointment in her hand and her shirt was open, she heard Clarke, she wanted to answer but her voice defeated her.. 

Clarke slowly opened the door " hey? You got lost?" 

Lexa tried to calm her breathing down, she didn't want to lose it in front of her new friend .. 

"Lexa?" Clarke softly said as she took a seat next to the brunette " it's ok?" 

Lexa shook her head. 

"Yes it is" Clarke reassured her placing her hand on the shaking one gripping the tube of ointment " it's ok, I'm here "

Lexa broke a little, a tear fell down her cheek " sometimes it just hurts so bad and the painkillers don't work" 

Clarke held back her own tears, she wanted to be strong for the broken girl, she got up and turned the tv on, finding a movies to watch, she then walked back and climbed on to the bed " come here" 

Lexa frowned watching as Clarke patted the space next to her .. "what?" 

"Well you know when you're a kid and you I don't know scrap your knee or bump your head and you cry?" 

Lexa was confused and had no idea what the blonde was talking about " yeah?" 

" well sometimes the one thing that would make it better was when your mom kissed or rubbed it" Clarke smiled " sometimes it's not about medication, sometimes it just needs some tlc" 

Lexa stiffened " I can't let you see Clarke" 

"I didn't ask to see, I asked you to come here, lie with me? And trust me"

"I trust you" Lexa whispered shuffling on to the bed .

Clarke guided lexa to lie down and as she did she pulled her into her side wrapping her arm around her shoulder so her hand could caress her back " don't be afraid" she whispered as she felt Lexa stiffen again " let's just watch the film ok?" 

 

Lexa laid still trying to concentrate on the film but having Clarke's hand slide up and down her back was all she could think about, the blonde was Right though, sometimes a little tlc does help, cuddling into Clarke felt good too, she could smell her perfume and laundry detergent, she felt relaxed .

Clarke could feel the scars of Lexa's past under her finger tips, she preyed she was helping, feeling Lexa become slightly heavy beside her Clarke felt relived it meant the brunette was comfortable. 

it was late by the time the film ended and Clarke knew she should be heading home but Lexa had fallen asleep wrapped up in her arms she hated to wake her, she wondered just how well she slept any other time.. pulling her phone out she texted her mom .. 

MOM- I won't be home. 

Clarke didn't have to explain herself to her mom and knew where she was, looking down at Lexa she looked so peaceful and dare Clarke admit it... beautiful .. Clarke used the remote to switch the tv off and curled herself around the sleeping beauty led so closely next to her... 

Friends hug right?...


	14. Chapter 14

When Lexa woke the first thing she felt was Clarke's arm wrapped around her waist, she remembered falling asleep in the blonde's arms but must have shifted in the night because Clarke was now curled up behind her with her arm protectively holding her tight.. 

"Don't panic" Clarke whispered into Lexa's hair " it's ok" 

Clarke had woke when she felt Lexa tense up in her arms, she knew it was a huge step for Lexa to allow someone so close. 

"I'm not" Lexa answered back turning to face the blonde " I'm not" 

Clarke smiled pulling Lexa in a little closer so that their fronts were almost touching " I don't know about you but that was the best night sleep I've have in a while" 

Lexa could feel Clarke's breath on her lips " me too" she whispered 

Clarke just smiled and the pair led there in silence just taking each other in, Clarke wondered what her mom would think if she could see her now? Didn't help that Abby was right and Clarke thinks she does have a Crush on Lexa but she also knows it isn't the right time for that. 

" I haven't woke up to someone in a long time" Lexa spoke now looking down at her and Clarke's closeness " not like this anyways" 

"How longs a long time?" Clarke asked, her tone a little teasing .

Lexa rolled her eyes " a while" she answered lifting herself up a little so she could rest her head on her hand and not be so close to Clarke. I mean when you're a soldier and away for so Long you find comfort in each other but that's all it is" 

"Fuck buddies?" Clarke laughed 

"No" Lexa laughed too " just a night to release tension nothing more"

"Mmmmm" Clarke narrowed her eyes " and how many released your tension?

Lexa got up off the bed to hide her red cheeks " A few" she smiled shaking her head 

"Oh a few?" Clarke teased " it's ok lex I won't judge you for being a slut"

"What?" Lexa gasped before blushing brightly " I'm not a slut" she laughed " I'll have you know I've had one serious relationship in my life, and considering I've been deployed most of my adult life I haven't been with that many women "

Clarke rolled onto her side now resting her head on her hand " and has it just been women?" 

Lexa nodded " gold star" 

Clarke smiled laughing under her breath " well I prefer variety."

" and your preference?" Lexa asked raising her eyebrows 

"Mmmmmm, I don't know,"

"Don't know or don't want to share?" Lexa laughed " I would think that there is always a preference"

Clarke bit her bottom lip as she giggled " it's apples and oranges, I mean I like being with women and I like being with men , there's things women do that guys can't and visa versa" 

Lexa nodded along as Clarke spoke " my sister Anya is bisexual but she leans more towards females , I guess I just assumed that was how it went" 

 

"Well I guess if I had to chose, like if my life depended on it then I probably would chose a girl " Clarke shrugged 

"Why?" Lexa asked, she didn't really know how they managed to get on the subject or why she was even asking Clarke such questions but what she did know was that she looked absolutely stunning first thing in the morning , her hair was thrown on top of her head with loose strands sticking out of her bun and her eyes had never been so blue, the brunette also couldn't help but notice that Clarke's shirt as risen a little showing off her navel piercing.. Lexa liked that. 

"I don't know, I guess girls are more attentive, softer, less body hair" Clarke laughed." Finn was always about his needs, he never really cared if I was pleased or not.. i like foreplay, I like to kiss but for him it was always about the sex, forgetting that you need something more sometimes" 

 

Lexa nodded it had been so long for Lexa that she almost forgot what that those kind of things feel like " I get that" 

There was a comfortable silence for a few moments before Clarke spoke " do you miss it?" 

Lexa looked up at the blonde " I don't know" she whispered " I can't think about that stuff anymore, the thought of being intimate with someone makes my skin crawl, my body's changed so much now that I don't think I'll ever have the confidence to be so bare with someone" 

" maybe you feel like that now, but in time" 

Lexa shook her head " I use to be so confidant in my own skin Clarke, I liked the way my body looked, I worked out to keep in shape, I ate well ,i hardly drank alcohol, never smoked, I liked the attention I use to get but now" Lexa didn't bother to finish her sentence she just shook her head . 

Clarke got up off the bed and slowly walked over to Lexa. Gently taking her hands in her own " you are beautiful Lexa, you have the most amazing smile that makes your eyes light up, I love your laugh it's infectious and there's a way about you that makes me want to be around you, and just so you know? You still have a really good body" the blonde laughed trying to lighten the mood. Lexa looked deeply into Clarke's eyes which in turn the blonde couldn't help but look down to the brunettes lips, when she finally pulled her eyes away and looked up Lexa was doing the same thing, suddenly the air felt a little thick and Clarke wondered what would happen if she was to step a little closer? Not that she would. 

Lexa felt the shift in the air to and instantly scolded herself for even thinking Clarke would be interested in someone like her.

" yeah well you wouldn't say that if you saw all of me" Lexa stated before pushing past Clarke " We should go downstairs before Indra arrives" 

 

Clarke was left alone in the bedroom. She hated that Lexa hated herself so much, if only she could see how beautiful she was still... 

"Morning Clarke " Indra smiled as Clarke appeared in the kitchen " you're here early" 

Clarke looked to Lexa then back to Indra " oh I uh " she Cleared her throat " I..i" 

"Clarke stayed over last night" Lexa said helping the blonde out " we were watching a movie and fell asleep" 

"Oh" Indra nodded not really sure what to thing about Clarke staying over " well um that's nice... coffee Clarke?"

Clarke looked to Lexa who hadn't looked at her once since she entered the room. She wasn't sure how Lexa was feeling about their last conversation " actually um... I have something I need to do today so I'll pass... thank you" 

"If you're sure" Indra said causing Clarke to nod " so um I'll see you later?" She asked towards Lexa .

"Sure" Lexa nodded still not looking at the blonde.. 

"Well how about I text you first? " 

"Ok" Lexa nodded 

 

Once Clarke left Indra took a seat next to her daughter " Lexa, do you really think it's a good idea having Clarke stay over?"

Lexa rolled her eyes " I'm not a child Indra" 

" I'm not suggesting you are sweetheart, I just don't think it's wise Clarke staying over" 

"Why?" Lexa snapped " because I'm fragile?   
And not in the right frame of mind? Or It is it Because I'm a fucking freak who can't leave this god damn house? Or Because I'm a walk advertisement for a hospital burns unit?"

"Lexa" 

"No" Lexa fumed standing up from her seat with such force the chair fell to the floor " don't Lexa me.. I don't know what you think took place last night but i can assure you it was only sleeping.. let's face it Clarke isn't exactly gonna be wanting to jumping my bones now is she? Who would.. I'm a fucking mess" 

" Baby please don't say that" Indra's heart broke for her daughter

" don't worry about Clarke sleeping here, it won't happen again" 

 

Clarke laid on her couch trying to work out what had happened early that morning, how the mood changed. When she left Lexa she knew something was off.. she contemplated texting her a few times but really didn't know what to say.. 

 

" oh nice to see you're alive" Abby commented as she made her way into the house causing Clarke to roll her eyes .

"What time did you get home?" 

"Mom I texted you to let you know I wouldn't be home last night so get off my back" 

 

"Get off your back?"Abby spat " get off you back? I warned you about getting to close to Lexa, I explained over and over again about how fragile her state of mind is and what do you do? You become her Bed buddy" 

 

"It's wasn't like that" Clarke shouted getting up off the couch " she needed me" 

 

" she needs a therapist " 

"She needs someone who cares about her" Clarke explained " what she doesn't need is you trying for force her into something she isn't ready for" 

"Oh and you're not doing that?" Abby asks sarcastically 

" what?" Clarke frowned 

" oh cmon Clarke I'm not stupid, you're there everyday, you've skipped out on your best friends, you're changing your shifts at work to accommodate your time with Lexa, this isn't just a friendship I know you" 

"Don't do that .. don't you dare" 

 

"Oh wake up Clarke" Abby sighed " you're in to deep with Lexa and you're gonna get hurt, she's not ready for any kind of relationship right now she may never be and you trying to be some sort of saving grace to her isn't helping her" 

 

Clarke shook her head " Lexa and I are friends nothing more" she has to believe that herself 

"For how long?" Abby asked seriously this time a lot calmer " cmon Clarke how long before either or both of you start to develop feelings? Your both good looking kids, You're kind and smart and have a good heart. She is or was just the same so you tell me in reality why wouldn't you both fall for each other?"

 

Clarke knew her mom was right in her thinking, Clarke had admitted to herself that she was attracted to Lexa, but she also wasn't stupid enough to know that Lexa wasn't ready for something more then friendship and she didn't need her mom constantly reminding her .

" I'm fully aware of what Lexa needs mom, I'm not about to cause her any more heart ache" 

Abby saw right through her daughter. She saw the light spark in her eyes every time she spoke of Lexa and she saw in Lexa's eyes the same brightness when ever she mentioned Clarke.... she feared for them both. 

" well I hope you know what you're doing for both your sakes" 

 

Clarke took herself to her room away from her mother, she took her phone out to text Lexa see if she wanted her to come over. 

 

HEY! Wanna hang out? My mom is pissing me off x 

 

Lexa was pacing her bedroom floor after her little out burst Indra left her alone giving her space.. Lexa had been pacing because she was contemplating calling her siblings but she didn't know what to say... for the last few months she had avoided any contact with them as much as she could so what does she say.. as she picked up her phone making the decision to just send a text her phone beeped. 

 

Clarke - HEY! Wanna hang out? My mom is pissing me off x 

Lexa was still coming to terms with what happened last night and this morning. She was confused about what took place and knew something shifted between her and Clarke she was sure of it, she was also a little embarrassed about how she behaved after .. 

 

Lexa - can we take a rain check? I'm not feeling so great. 

 

Clarke knew Lexa was bullshitting her, she knew she was pulling away because of what happened between them.. she wondered if she should call her out on it? Or maybe it was best to leave her be for the day.. either way the situation was gonna way heavily on her head for the duration of the day . 

........ 

 

" Lexa"? 

"Huh?" 

"I have a text from Lexa" 

"No way?" Lincoln Lexa's brother gasped pulling his car over to take a look. 

"Yeah" 

"What does it say?" Lincoln asked 

Anya, Lexa's sister clears her throat " it says .. Hey Annie.. and linc cause I know you'll be together" Anya and Lincoln laughed before Anya continued " I know it's been a minute and I hope you're both good?... I'm sorry I've been AWOL, I know you both understand why! Im starting to pull my shit together( slowly I know) but I'm getting there. I have my phone back on now so I would love to hear from you both, I want you both to know that I love you and miss you... all my love lex" Anya whispered the last bit after her emotions took over and her voice broke, Lincoln placed his arm around his sister bringing her in for a side hug "wow" 

" I know" Lincoln agreed " I never thought this day would come.. I can't believe it" 

 

"Shell we call?" Anya asked 

" I don't know , I mean she's texted not called so maybe we just text back? Or call mom see what's happening?" Lincoln suggested 

"Yeah ok but let's text her back first" Anya smiled wiping her tears away ..,

"Ok keep it light" 

Anya began to read out loud as she typed.. 

Anya- Hey baby sister, you're right I am with butt head" 

"Hey" Lincoln moaned causing Anya to laugh .. 

"We're so glad to here from you, we've missed your stinky ass way to much.. you know we're here when you're ready. Just say the word... we love you xx 

"That sound ok?" Anya asked 

"Yeah" Lincoln grinned 

"Ok... send" 

"I hope this is the start of good things to come" Lincoln sighed " I've missed her" 

"Me too" Anya nodded smiling as she re-read Lexa's text " mom was saying she's become friends with her Doctors daughter maybe that's helping?"

" oh yeah" Lincoln grinned " maybe she's hot? Oh I bet she's a blonde... Lex was always a sucker for a blonde" 

Anya laughed "I don't know if it's that kinda friendship but what ever it is I'm grateful for it" ... 

..... 

"No Clarke tonight?" Indra asked finding Lexa alone .

Lexa shook her head not wanting to talk about Clarke with Indra.. 

" I texted Anya and Lincoln today" 

"You did" Indra grinned " wow" 

Lexa nodded " it was nice, I only sent one and Annie replied and I left it at that but it's a start" 

Indra gently placed a kiss to Lexa's head " I'm sure you made their day sweety"

Lexa smiled " hey" she swallowed " in uh sorry... you know about earlier, I didn't mean to shout at you" 

Indra shook her head " no need for apologies Alexandria... we cool?" she smiled holding her fist out playfully.. Lexa clenched hers and brought it up to bump her moms " we cool" 

.. 

So the day was an eventful one to say the least she had made good progress she thought .. Abby was due any minute not that Lexa really wanted to see her, from Clarke's message that morning Lexa assumed Abby was so pleased about their sleep over. 

 

"Lexa" Indra called up the stairs " Doctor Kane is here" 

Lexa groaned getting up off her bed waiting for Abby to enter her room . 

" hello Lexa" 

"Abby" Lexa nodded removing her shirt leaning herself in just her bra . 

"How are you?" 

"Fine" Lexa answers Turning her back so that Abby could attend to it .. 

"Any pain today?" Abby asked as she slowly ran her hands down Lexa's back making her shudder, Abby's hands didn't feel as soothing as Clarke's had the night before .

"Same old" 

Abby nodded applying ointment to the scaring " well it seems the inflammation you had has all gone so that's good" 

Lexa nodded 

" I've noticed Clarke's been home all day" 

Lexa rolled her eyes at the women's nosiness " I'd have thought that would suit you" she said 

" you know Lexa you have an attitude problem" Abby scorned " I don't know why you feel like I'm the enemy here" 

Lexa stood up putting her shirt back on " well it is what you want isn't it? For Clarke to stay away from me? You don't like her coming her, you think I'm a burden on her" 

 

"No that's not it" Abby argued " I don't have problem with you and Clarke being friends Lexa, what I do worry about is how close a friends you become, Clarke thinks I'm the bad guy here when in fact I just don't want you taking on more then you can cope with and her getting her heart broken" 

 

" how many times do I have to say that we are just friends" Lexa sighs. 

" oh really?" Abby asked folding her arms across her chest " so explain to me why Clarke's bailing out on her friends and their last trip together? A trip they've planned for god knows how long? A trip she begged me to let her go on for weeks and weeks until I gave in ... tell me Lexa?" 

Lexa frowned looking all confused " what?" 

"Oh you don't know?" Abby sarcastically laughed under her breath " I rest my case" 

"What trip Abby? What are you talking about?" Lexa insisted 

Abby knew she was about to cause some trouble for herself where her daughter was concerned but it was a little late now. 

" Clarke a long with her best friends are meant to be taking a trip any day now, a trip they have wanted to do on all year, it's suppose to be a farewell trip for all of those who won't be going to collage together and suddenly Clarke isn't going, she lied to her friends about why she couldn't go too, so you tell me Lexa why she would do that?" 

Lexa was dumbfounded she didn't know why Clarke would do that and had no words for Abby, she also didn't want to look foolish in front of the Doctor either " well I don't know you'll have to ask her" 

" I think you and I know why she's made the choices she's made" 

Lexa looked at Abby from the corner of her eye but stayed silent . 

" I think I'm done here, I'll leave your pain relief with Indra" and with that Abby left Lexa alone with her thoughts .. what was Clarke thinking? .. 

.... 

Clarke and Marcus were sat at the table telling when Abby arrived home with pizza, she had texted Marcus telling him not to bother cooking .. 

"Hey honey" Marcus smiled when Abby entered the kitchen .

"Hi" Abby smiled back placing a kiss to his cheek as she put down the pizza which Clarke instantly attacked .. 

" no plate?"

"Nah" Marcus and Clarke said in unison .

"Have you been to see Lexa?" Clarke asked between mouthfuls .

"Yes"

"She ok?" 

"Why didn't you tell her about your trip?" Abby asked not bothering to beat around the bush. 

Clarke wiped her mouth quick " you did?" She swallowed 

"How was I suppose to know she didn't know"? 

"Mom" Clarke exclaimed " why did you even say anything?" 

" hey this isn't my fault, you say your just friends yet you keep that little bit of information to yourself?" 

"Why can't you just stay out of my god damn business" 

"Hey lady don't talk to me like that, this is my house and you will respect me whist you live in it" Abby warned 

"Ok can we calm down" Marcus begged trying to be the peace maker 

" well thank god I won't be here much longer" Clarke spat totally ignoring her step father " I'm not a child, you don't get to control me or tell me what to do with my life,"

Abby laughed " oh is that so? Last time I checked girly you are barely out of high school and as for it being your life and it has nothing to do with me? Let me just reminded you who'll be paying for your new adult life shell we?" 

"Yeah my dad" Clarke spat full of venom " "not that you remember him? " 

" watch it Clarke.. I'm warning you"

Clarke knew she over stepped the mark and should apologise but her stubbornness kicked in " stay out of my business then" She said storming out of the house with every intention of heading to Raven's until her phone vibrated in her pocket. 

 

Lexa - I want to talk with you! 

"Shit"


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small chapter x

Clarke didn't text Lexa back she decided to just head over and hope to god that Lexa wasn't going to end their friendship over what her mother had told her... Clarke also had to think of what to say when Lexa demands to know why she cancelled on her friends. The walk to the Willis house was over far to Quickly for Clarke, she wanted to walk the block again to gather her nerves... but Lexa was to quick for her ..

Lexa - are you going to stand there all night? 

Clarke read the text with a heavy sigh and made her way around the back of the Willis house entering it slowly.

"Hey" she smiled lightly " you ok"?

Lexa was sat at the kitchen table drumming her finger tips " yeah I'm great, hardly any pain,I even texted my siblings today" 

"Yeah?" Clarke smiled taking a seat " wow that's great I'm happy for you" 

Lexa nodded " yeah I feel like it's a step forward" 

"Me too" Clarke nodded " A big step, I'm proud of you" 

Lexa nodded " I'm sorry about this morning, I don't know why I acted the way I did" 

"It's ok" Clarke assured her " so other then that how's your day been?" 

Lexa nodded " it's been ok, yours?"

Clarke shifted in her seat, she was quite sure what was going on but went along with it anyways, she wasn't about to tell Lexa she had been fighting with her mom " it's been alright, I took a look at some apartments Raven sent me and painted a little"

Lexa stood up flicking the kettle on," see any you liked?" 

" there's one that seemed in our price range, it's a little small but I'm sure we can work around that" 

"Good.. tea?" 

Clarke nodded 

"Why don't you find us something to watch?" 

Clarke put Netflix on and chose something from the new releases .. 

"Find anything good?" Lexa asked passing Clarke a hot mug of tea .

" not sure it's a new release" 

Lexa nodded taking a seat on the same couch as Clarke " ok" 

The pair sat in silence for what seemed to Clarke was forever, the show on the tv was pretty boring but the blonde watched it anyways chewing at her nails .. 

"So how long are we going to do this for?" Lexa asked as she sipped her tea 

"Mmmm?" 

"Really Clarke?" Lexa asked unimpressed " you really just gonna sit here and pretend like there isn't a Huge elephant in the room?" 

Clarke knew she was getting called out but still played dumb, " what?" 

"Ok" Lexa nodded getting up off the couch " you wanna play dumb? Ok... so let's talk about the reason you're so quiet tonight? Or the reason why you have hardly any nails left? Or how about the reason why you've been fighting with Abby? How about we talking about that huh? Let's talk about why your mom told me about you not going on some trip with your friends? Or even why I had no idea what the hell your mom was taking about?" 

Busted.... Clarke got up from her seat taking her cup into the kitchen " so what? I was meant to go away and now I'm not" 

Lexa followed after the blonde " why?" 

"Why what?" Clarke shrugged washing her up .

"Why aren't you going?" 

"Because I don't want too, man what is it with people?" Clarke moaned 

"Bullshit Clarke," Lexa spat" Abby said you begged her to let you go, she said you and your friends planned it ages ago" 

"So what lex" Clarke snapped she was so tired of people questioning her today " so I changed my mind" 

" yes I know that Clarke but why?" Lexa asked " your mom seems to think it has something to do with me? Is she right?" 

Clarke shook her head " my mom seems to think a lot of things "she muttered under her breath. 

"Tell me she's wrong" Lexa asks keeping her tone as soft as she could considering how annoyed she was " tell me" 

Clarke shook her head not really knowing what to say.. 

"Clarke?" 

"What?" Clarke huffed 

"I don't need your pity so if you think staying here because you feel bad for me is the reason why you're not going please don't.. I'm not a charity case" 

Clarke laughed rolling her eyes " you know for someone who doesn't want pity you sure as hell talk about it a lot" 

"I'm serious Clarke" Lexa fumed " go away with your friends, I don't need you here" 

"You think I don't know that?" Clarke all but shouted " you think I look at you with pity,? that I feel sorry for you? That I think you need me? Well I don't Lexa... why is it so hard for you to believe that I just don't want to go? That it was my decision .. a decision I made for myself, if you really want to know why I'm not going? then yes.. yes it is because of you, because I like hanging out with you, because I enjoy seeing you and I like being here, and because I don't want to go a week without seeing you,.. are you happy now? Is that a good enough reason for you?" 

Lexa was taken back by Clarke's rant, she was a little lost for words, and hadn't expected the blonde to be so honest " I... I " 

 

"You what?" Clarke asked lifting her eyebrows " you what? You don't want my pity? You don't want me here? You don't need a friend? What Lexa?" 

Lexa swallowed " I don't want you to miss out because of me" 

" yeah well I'm not, I'm missing out because I don't want to be anywhere else but here" 

" what's in it for you?" 

Clarke rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh " listen to me , you may have forgotten who you use to be, or like who you are now, but I see you Lexa, to me you're an incredible women, who's seen and been through some rough shit and is still standing, you're brave and smart, your kind and caring, you're funny without trying, you listen, like really listen when I speak to you," Clarke noticed Lexa draw into herself, she didn't see ant of those things when she looked into the mirror anymore... Clarke braved it and walked closer to the brunette " you try to hide behind this mask you wear but it doesn't hide who you really are lex, you're cool and collected, and I know you won't believe me but.. you're strong and sexy and my god are you beautiful.. you just have to see what I see"

Clarke was closer then Lexa would have liked but she could barely move or speak, Clarke just floored her with her speech all she could manage was a shake of the head . 

"Yes" Clarke nodded " so you wanna know if you're the reason I don't want to go away ? then the answer is yes.... but it has nothing to do with pity and everything to do with the fact I'm not giving you a chance to push me away or go back into your own little world, cause now you've let me in it I don't want to leave " 

 

" I have nothing to offer you Clarke " 

"Good" Clarke smiled " cause I'm not asking for anything" 

"Your mom thinks there's more to this then friendship" Lexa swallowed 

"My mom should mind her own business" 

"Is she right?" Lexa asked 

Clarke moved even closer her toes touching Lexa's,she had no idea where her bravery was coming from but never the less she was here and Lexa was asking her a question .

" you want to know if I have feelings for you? Well I feel a lot of things Lexa, mostly confusion.... you and I both know something past between us this morning, what it was I don't know, but what I do know is you have a long way to go to getting your life back and I would never do anything to get in the way of that "

Lexa nodded she agreed with Clarke, she knew the last thing she needed was to get into anything with the blonde " so friends?" She offered holding her hand out 

"Friends" Clarke smiled shaking her hand " for now" she winked grabbing her jacket " I have to go, I said some really shitty things to my mom early and although she still needs to mind her own business she didn't deserve what I said" 

"Tut tut Clarke" Lexa teased " I guess she means well" 

Clarke groaned " yeah i guess, see you tomorrow?" 

Lexa nodded " tomorrow" 

Clarke through fuck it she had been brave enough tonight so she might as well continue on, she lent forward gently placing a small kiss to Lexa's cheek and a squeeze to her arm " good night" 

When Clarke shut the door Lexa's hand instantly went to her cheek she could still feel the heat from Clarke lips " goodnight"


	16. Chapter 16

"Still can't believe you're not coming" Raven sulked placing her bag in the back of Bellamy's pick up truck.

" I know I suck" Clarke smiled wrapping her arms around her friends shoulders " but while you are away I'm gonna find us an apartment in New York" 

"Yeah?" Raven smiled 

"Yeah we haven't got to long to go now, we need to find somewhere, so while you go get drunk and have fun I'm gonna invest all my time into finding us the perfect place" 

" I'm still bummed you can't come" 

"And Me" Octavia sulked 

Clarke pulled both her friends in for a hug," me three, it's a week though guys we're gonna have all the time in the world to hang out" 

Raven and O nodded in agreement and got into the truck, bell sent Clarke an air kiss whilst Monty who was traveling with the trio hugged her tightly " how's your friend?" He whispered into her hair 

"She's good" she smiled patting his back " look after my girls for me ok?" 

Monty winked " I will .. see ya in a week" 

Clarke watched as Bellamy drove away hearing Raven begin to sing.. she really did feel bad for not going but she wanted to hang out with Lexa more... 

Making her way over to the Willis house Clarke heard what sounded like music, 

"What's this?" She smiled witnessing Indra and Lexa cooking .

"It's Marvin Gaye honey" Indra sang 

"I know who it is, I just didn't expect it" Clarke laughed 

"You just see your friends off?" Lexa asked turning the radio down .

Clarke nodded not bothering to make a conversation out of it " what smells so good?" And asked Indra .

" Potjiekos" Indra stated laughing at the confused look on the blonde's face " it's an African dish, the kids use to love it when they were small.. right lex?"

Lexa nodded looking at Clarke, who sensed a little frost coming from the brunette .. "well I'll look forward to tasting it" 

Clarke wasn't the only one who noticed the change in Lexa's behaviour since the blonde came in, she gathered they had things to talk about " I think we need some nice bread to do with this, I'll just pop to the bakery" 

Clarke nodded with a smile her eyes following Indra out the door, turning to Lexa once more she shrugged " what?"

Lexa folded her arms across her chest " you should of gone with your friends" 

"Well I didn't so drop it" Clarke bit " we've been through this" 

Lexa shook her head rolling her eyes.

"Ok don't roll your eyes at me, and we're not gonna keep going over this, when Indra gets back I wanna tuck into what ever the hell that is that smells like heaven so don't ruin it for me " 

Lexa laughed under her breath " fine.. but don't complain when your friends come back telling you how much fun you missed out on" 

"Fine" Clarke shrugged 

"Fine" Lexa repeated 

"Shut up about it then" 

Lexa laughed "I will" 

"Good"   
.. 

 

Indra this is the bomb seriously" Clarke hummed throwing her head back causing Lexa to laugh, the noises Clarke was making over dinner were something else " I'm glad you like it Honey" Indra laughed too 

" I think I need to move in, my moms idea of good cooking is thanks giving when she gets caterers in" Clarke laughed as did her company .. 

"Well you're always welcome here" Indra nodded 

Lexa stayed quiet it surprised her how easily Clarke had slipped into her life she wasn't sure if that shook her or not " would you both excuse me?" Said standing up from the table " I'll be back" 

Clarke watched the girl leave then turned to Indra " something I said?"

"I don't think so" Indra answered placing her hand over the blonde's " I think sometime she just needs a moment to herself, I think you've been a breath of fresh air to her life and sometimes it takes her back a little, you really are helping Clarke" 

Clarke smiled unsure of what Indra was saying was true .

Lexa had taken longer then Clarke thought she would, Indra left after the dishes were washed up leaving Clarke alone, she wondered if maybe Lexa wanted her to leave ? Should she just go? Or wait? Or.... 

"Hey" Lexa smiled softly from the door " sorry" 

"It's ok... are you ok?"

Lexa nodded with a sigh " I just needed a minute" 

"Or twenty?" Clarke joked looking at her watch " wanna talk about it?"

Lexa shook her head..

"Ok" Clarke smiled " so I was thinking that it's a nice night, we should do something" 

Lexa froze " you mean like outside?"

Clarke nodded " I could get my moms car?" 

Lexa shook her head " I don't know Clarke, I don't think I'm ready for that" 

"Hey" Clarke approached the brunette carefully placing her hands gently on her crossed arms " I won't pressure you to do anything you don't wanna do ok? But I just thought it might do you some good, it'll be quiet now, they'll be no one around, we could drive out and if you don't feel comfortable we can drive back?" 

Lexa bit down hard on her bottom lip, the thought of going out terrified her but looking in to Clarke's eyes seeing the hope they held made her more afraid of letting the girl down " what if I can't get in the car?" 

"Then you can't, we'll put pretty women on and eat junk food" 

Lexa blew out a long breath " will your mom let you borrow the car?" 

"She's at work" Clarke grinned "all night" 

"So you're gonna steal her car?"

Clarke laughed "borrow, not steal" 

Lexa swallowed " I can't promise anything" 

Clarke nodded backing away towards the back door " I'll be back"

When Clarke left Lexa felt like her lungs were burning every breath she took hurt, she knew it would be a massive step for her and she had been taken a few lately but leaving the house would be the ultimate, her heart was tellin her to be breve but her head was screaming at her to lock the door and Clarke and hide under the bed.... she was a soldier, a warrior, the commander, she was brave and determined ... or at least she was, could she find that inner strength and take a leap? 

She didn't have time to talk herself out of it because Clarke was back waving car keys around " ready?" She grinned 

Lexa placed her hands on her hips taking in a deep breath " I don't know, in terrified" 

Clarke held out her hand " in with you, every step of the way" 

"You promise?" Lexa swallowed

"Cross my heart" Clarke drew across her chest with her index finger 

Lexa nodded following Clarke towards the door .. " the cars open ok so we just walk as slow or as fast as you need ok?" 

Lexa nodded " what if someone sees?" 

"No Ines around Lex, I'll go ahead and double check if you want?" 

"No" Lexa panicked grabbing the blonde's hand " don't leave me "

"Ok" Clarke smiled holding on a little tighter " you can do this" 

Lexa nodded biting her lip " ok...go" 

Clarke lead the way until they reached the car she parked so that the passenger side was closer to the garden gate, quickly opening the door so Lexa could slide in which she did with her eyes closed. Clarke gently closed the door and ran around to the drivers side getting in as quickly as possible " you did it"   
" you did it lex" 

Lexa nodded still with her eyes closed " just drove before I change my mind" 

Clarke did as she was told pulling out of the street, she was right there was no one around, the sun was slowly going down and she figured they had an hour or so before it got dark .. " you ok?" She asked glancing over at the still shaking passenger 

"I feel like I can't breath" 

"Well you are" Clarke smiled " just keep your eyes closed until you feel comfortable ok?"

Lexa nodded holding on to the door handle for dear life " I did it " 

Clarke laughed a little " yeah ya did"

Thankfully the roads were clear and Clarke got them to the beech safely, she drove to a spot she knew would be free of people, maybe the odd dog walker or runner, but she knew Lexa would feel better there then anywhere else " we're here" 

Lexa slowly opened her eyes looking forwards seeing nothing but water and sand, it was a sight for sore eyes, before she lost herself she loved the ocean, she loved the feel of the water and the sand in her toes " wow" 

Clarke smiled " we can sit here or...."

"Or?"

"Or we can take a walk?" 

Lexa rubbed at her face and scratched the back of her head " I don't know if I can" she swallowed .

"Ok" Clarke smiled" but you said that at the house and here we are" 

Lexa nodded " maybe I can try, I mean maybe we could sit just out there" she pointed just outside the car .

Clarke opened her door stepping out " remember I'm here every step of the way" 

Lexa nodded closing her eyes again taking a deep breath in and out as she slowly opened the door placing her foot on the ground outside, she was shaking like a leaf. She felt like she couldn't feel her own body and hoped she wouldn't forget how to walk.. " Clarke" she called out putting her foot back in the car " I don't think I can " 

Clarke was at her side in a second placing her hand on her shoulder " it's ok.. it's alright" 

Lexa shook her head " I bet I look so stupid" 

"Not to me you don't" 

Lexa smiled looking out at the water " I really want to feel that water on my feet" 

Clarke laughed taking off her shoes " I'm game of you are?" 

Lexa laughed placing her hand over her mouth " your a geek"

Clarke gasped playfully " I'm hurt... cmon " she winked " show me just how brave you are" 

Lexa smiled with a nod " alright hold my hand" 

Clarke did as she was asked, Lexa's had felt ice cold but sweaty, she was shaking and the grip on the blonde's hand was becoming painful but Clarke wasn't about to tell her that " let's got feel some water" 

Lexa didn't speak she just held on to Clarke for dear like and closed her eyes as Clarke guided her to the ocean " oh wait" the blonde stopped " your shoes" 

Lexa didn't open her eyes through shear fear she just lifted her right foot and felt Clarke remove her shoe, then the left, the sand felt a little cold but good, Lexa began to relax and finally much to Clarke's delight she loosed her grip on her hand " that's my girl, you're almost there" 

Lexa nodded and continued to allow Clarke to guide her, as soon as the water hit her feet Lexa's eyes shot open " fuck that's cold" she laughed moving out of the water at the same time she let go of Clarke's hand .

Clarke laughed still standing in the water, it was cold but she expected it so it wasn't as much as a shock .. cmon don't be a pussy"

"That's mature" Lexa rolled her eyes taking a look around her, in the distance she could see a couple walking their dog and out at sea was a surfer other then that the beach belonged to her and Clarke. 

"Cmon" Clarke waved her back into the water 

Lexa nodded taking a step in then another, and another and another passing Clarke walking until she was up to her knees, her jeans wet through but she didn't care, suddenly she felt alive and free, she lifted her face so she could feel the last bit of sun on her skin and stretched her arms out to her side taking it all in.. Clarke stood back and allowed Lexa to have her moment.. the smile in her face was aching her cheeks now. She didn't think she had ever smiled so hard, witnessing Lexa being free was probably the highlight of the blonde's year.. Suddenly she felt water splash her face " what the?"

Lexa laughed "where did you go?" 

"Did you just splash me?" Clarke fumed but playfully 

Lexa shrugged "maybe" 

Clarke raised her eyebrows " you don't want to pick the kinda fight with me Woods" 

Lexa smirked lifting her foot wetting the blonde again " really?" 

Clarke shook her head dipping her hand into the sea being the water up and pushing it in Lexa's direction .

"Oh man that's cold" Lexa gasped " shit" 

"Still wanna fight me?" 

Lexa shook her head walking towards the blonde " I give in" 

Clarke laughed turning back towards the shore only for Lexa to completely soak her back " oh my god" she gasped in horror at the coldness" Lexa I'm gonna kill you"

Lexa ran off laughing " gotta catch me first" 

" that's it" Clarke yelled chasing after the giggling Brunette who was running in the water soaking herself anyways .. Clarke couldn't believe the change in the soldier, it was like the last few months never happened , she was happy, and laughing, she was free from pain and open to having fun .. Clarke never wanted the moment to end .. 

" I'm coming for you Woods" Clarke called out gaining on the brunette who abruptly stopped turning to face the blonde out of breath "Ok .. ok I give up" 

"Really?" Clarke asked stopping too 

Lexa nodded drawing a cross on her chest " bible"   
Clarke kicked out splashing the brunette up Her legs " Ok we're even" 

Lexa laughed with a nod " don't suppose you brought a towel?"

"Of coarse" Clarke smiled " I got a blanket too, I'll go get it"

Lexa watched as Clarke hurried off to the car, the sun was still clinging on and the sky looked amazing, she set down just admiring the view when Clarke came back wrapping a towel around her shoulders " here sit on this" she offered spreading out the blanket tapping the space next to her.. "so how was that?"

Lexa shook her head " I gotta tell ya Clarke I haven't felt this good in a long time.. like I feel like the old me again" 

"That's a good thing right?" The blonde asked " I mean it's good to let loose" 

Lexa nodded playing with the sand " when I was home from deployment I use to spend hours at the beach, like all day, Indra use to tell me story's about how I use to cry my eyes out when she use to take me out the bath, or the pool, she said I was a water baby, I guess being here and feeling the ocean on my skin just brought it all back " 

Clarke gently rubbed the bottom of Lexa back careful so not to touch her scars and spook her " well I'm glad I was here to witness it"

Lexa nodded " this is the time when we should be drinking beer and lifting a bonfire" 

" well unfortunately I'm not old enough to drink yet and if we started a bonfire the fire chief would be on our ass" 

Lexa laughed at the fire Chief comment " you drink though right?"

Clarke looked at Lexa out the corner of her eye trying to look innocent but failed badly . " tell me what you were like before?"

Lexa sighed heavily digging her hands into the sand " I was free, carefree, I ran a lot, I boxed, I loved to horse ride, I liked to party, I liked picking up girls" she laughed 

"Oh yeah?" Clarke teased" were you a player?

Lexa wrinkled up her nose " maybe, I mean if you asked my siblings they would probably say yes, I just .. I don't know I was good at getting what I wanted... like if I saw a girl I liked I wouldn't waste time in being shy, I would just go for it "

Clarke smiled lying back leaning on her side " did you have pick up lines?"

Lexa copied Clarke's action and led down facing the smiling blonde " I don't think they were pick lines per-say.. I would just complement then on what I saw",

Clarke smiled playing with her hair " ok so say you wanted to pick me up?" She laughed " how would you do it?"

Lexa blushed " i can't" 

"Oh cmon on" Clarke encouraged 

Lexa shook her head " oh god.. well.. I would probably tell you that you have the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen" she licked her lips looking at said eyes " I would tell you that the little beauty mark on you lip is really cute" 

Clarke felt her body heat up and knew she was blushing, she also knew by the smirk on Lexa's face she could see she was.

" then I would probably do this" Lexa continued moving a stray piece of blonde hair from Clarke's face and tucked it behind her ear " I would tell you that your laugh is infectious and that you have a calming aurora about you, you make me think that I'm gonna be ok.. like that I don't have to be scared all the time" 

Clarke felt her eyes fill with tears but she held on to them "you are gonna be ok?"

Lexa nodded moving closer to the blonde takin her hand " you have really soft hands"

Clarke shuddered " you're beautiful"

Lexa looked into Clarke's eyes and they both felt something shift inside themselves.. Lexa knew she shouldn't but ever part of her wanted to feel Clarke's lips on hers.." can I kiss you?"

Clarke felt dizzy, like she was about to faint, her breath caught in her throat but she found the strength to nod... Lexa closed her eyes as well as the gap between the pair.. Clarke's lips were soft and slightly wet from the lip gloss she was wearing .. she felt so good to Lexa that she leaned in more to deepen the kiss.. gently Clarke lifted her hand to stroke at Lexa's jaw, her skin was soft like silk and she smelt amazing, Clarke could easily get lost in the moment but kept her wits about her, she knew Lexa could freak out at any moment and wanted to be prepared .. but Lexa didn't.. in fact she ran her tongue slowly across Clarke's lip silently asking for entrance which Clarke granted, their tongues gently dancing together, the pace was slow, much like a first kiss should be, after a few more seconds Lexa pulled away resting her forehead on Clarke's " was I wrong to do that?" She whispered 

Clarke shook her head " didn't feel wrong to me"

Lexa sat up looking back out at sea " I know I'm not in the right place to get into something .. physical.. romantic.. I don't know" she sighed " but I just... I feel something when I'm with you"

Clarke sat up taking Lexa's hand in her own " i feel it too" she smiled running her thumb across Lexa's hand " I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or cause you any stress" 

"You don't" 

"Let's not put to much though into this ok?.. let's just be" 

Lexa smiled looking over at the blonde " I really liked kissing you" 

Clarke smiled laughing a little feeling shy " me too" 

Lexa nodded " shell we head back?"

"Yeah let me take you home" the blonde winked standing up picking up the blanket and towels before offering her hand to Lexa which she took with a smile..

"Thank you Clarke" 

"Anytime "


	17. Chapter 17

Lexa woke feeling stiff and sore, she had such a nice time the night before at the beach and sharing a kiss with Clarke felt amazing, her mind felt fine but her body told her that she’s over did it.. her back ached, her scars felt hot, maybe the sand or the sea water irritated them some what?.. as much as she didn’t want to she knew she needed Abby to check her over.. 

When she made her way downstairs Indra was making breakfast “ morning sweetheart” 

“Hey” Lexa smiles taking a seat at the table “ what time is Abby coming?”

“She isn’t due for a while, why are you ok? Do you need something?” Indra worried 

“I’m a little sore” Lexa Sighed flexing her back muscles “ I think maybe I need something stronger then usual” 

Indra frowned Lexa never asked for more meds of complained about the pain unless asked “ I can call her if you like?” 

Please” Lexa nodded heading back upstairs.

Abby came over as soon as Indra asked, she too knew it was unusual to ask.

“She ok?” Abby asked Indra as she opened the door for her.

“I think so.. she didn’t say much” 

Abby nodded making her way up to Lexa’s room, the door was open and the brunette was sat on her bed in just her bra and sweat pants 

“Morning Lexa”

Lexa jumped a little “Oh good morning Doctor” 

“Indra tells me you’re a little sore?” 

“Yes” was all Lexa Answered 

Abby nodded making her way around the bed so she could examine Lexa’s back “ your a little inflamed today, had Indra changed the laundry detergent? New shower gels?” 

Lexa shook her head.

“Mmmm” Abby hummed “ may I touch you?”

Lexa closed her eyes and nodded she wasn’t a fan of her injuries being poked at. 

“Lexa I’m a little concerned that if it isn’t a change in detergent or soap then I don’t know what it is? I wouldn’t like to think you have some kind of infection” Abby worried gently running her hands over Lexa’s most sensitive scaring maybe her hiss. 

Lexa knew she was going to have to tell the doctor where her had been so she could treat her correctly and she really wanted some pain relief “ it’s probably the sand” 

“Excuse me?” Abby heard her but she was sure that couldn’t be the case “ did you say sand?” 

“Or sea water” Lexa added “ I don’t know maybe both” 

“ Lexa what are you trying to tell me?” 

Lexa Sighed getting up off the bed pulling on a t-shirt “ please don’t make a big deal out of it or blame Clarke but we Uh.... we went to the beach last night” she swallowed seeing the shook in Abby’s face.

“You did what?” The doctor gasped “ What was Clarke thinking?”

“No.. nope” Lexa shook her head “ don’t blame her Abby it was good for me, I needed it, for the first time since I was hurt I felt myself, I felt good, I felt alive, this isn’t Clarke’s fault, if anything she helped me to brave the world and step outside” 

“That maybe be Lexa and I’m happy you are moving forward, I imagine being out of this house felt good but look at the out come?” Abby was furious with her daughter “ you can’t afford to get an infection, you’re healing well, the last thing we need is for you to have a set back, the sand has aggravated your scaring, your sore, if you wanted to get out of the house we could have arranged something” 

Lexa rolled her eyes “ whilst I understand your concerns Abby I’m not a child, i don’t have to ask permission to leave this house” 

“I didn’t mean it like that Lexa” Abby argued

“However you meant it is irrelevant, your job is to be my doctor, so if you could please administer me my pain relief I would appreciate it” 

Abby shook her head “ Fine, you’re going to need an anti-biotic cream so I will write out a prescription and give it to Indra, don’t soak in any scented wash products and keep it as dry as you can.... please” 

Lexa nodded letting Abby know they were done.

“ I’m trying to help Lexa” 

“And I appreciate your help Abby” 

Abby sighed with a nod and left Lexa alone, Lexa may have asked her to not blame Clarke but Abby did.. Clarke was as ignorant to Lexa’s needs as she was In Abby’s eyes .

“She ok?” Indra asked concern spread all over her face .

“ she will be, she needs some anti-biotics, “Abby explained as she wrote out the prescription “ didn’t help that her and Clarke took a trip to the beach last night” 

“What?” 

Abby nodded “ seems that child of mine thought it would be a good idea to take Lexa on a little road trip, the sand as inflamed Lexa’s scaring hench why she’s sore” 

“Oh” Indra pouted “ Well as silly as it was to go rolling around in sand with injuries like Lexa’s I don’t think it’s fair to solely blame Clarke, Lexa isn’t one to be talked into things, she wouldn’t have been pushed into it... Clarke’s a good girl, she means well” 

“Yes maybe she does Indra.” Abby snapped” but that doesn’t mean she gets to choice what’s right for Lexa and what’s not, I have lost count of how many times I’ve had to talk to her about all of this “ 

Indra knew not to get involved in other people’s family affairs “ so I need to go to the chemist?” 

Abby handed over the script “ call me if she needs any thing else, if not I’ll be back later this evening” 

Indra nodded seeing the Doctor out when she turned around Lexa was stood at the bottom of the stairs “ so I hear you’ve been out” 

Lexa nodded “ is it your turn to chastise me?” 

Indra shook her head taking Lexa’s face in her hands “ might have been a stupid idea with your injures but I’m proud of you” she smiled 

Lexa frowned “ really?” 

Indra laughed stroking Lexa’s face before removing her hands “ you went out Lex, that’s a big step.. a massive step even and the mom in me can’t help but feel proud of you, I can understand why Abby isn’t happy and I’m not happy your in pain but if it was worth it?” 

“It was” Lexa smiled trying to hide the blush spreading across her cheeks “ I felt so alive mom, more then I ever have, I felt like none of the bad shit happened, i felt free” 

Indra felt her eyes water but held ya tears at bay “ I’m glad, and remember You’re still you, your still my funny, kind, caring baby girl you always was, you just gotta find her again” 

Lexa nodded “ I think today I’m going to call Anya and Lincoln” 

“I think they would love that” Indra winked .

... 

 

“Clarke” Abby called out

“Hey ma” Clarke Answered back she was on the sofa sketching “you ok?” She asked as Abby came into view .

“ I am.. shame can’t be said for Lexa” 

Clarke’s eyes widened “ What? What happened? Is she ok?”

“She would have been had you not thought it was a good idea to take her to the beach, What was you thinking?” 

Clarke got up off the couch “ she had to get out of that house”

“ then you should of took her for a walk Clarke, the beach of all places” Abby fumed “ thanks for the sand her back is sore and her scars are inflamed, I had to go there this morning to treat her and now she’s back on anti-biotics” 

 

Clarke felt bad, her first thought was to call Lexa and check in on her but by the Look on her mother’s face told her she wasn’t getting away from her no time soon .

“I’m sick and tired of having to tell you about that girl, yet you think you know best” 

“No I don’t” Clarke rolled her eyes folding her arms across her chest “ she needed a time and ok maybe the beach wasn’t the best idea but you didn’t see her mom, she was so happy, she felt free, she felt alive and I’m sorry that it’s caused her to be in pain today but I’m not sorry I took her” 

“ and I take it you used my car? That explains why I had hardly an gas this morning” 

“You let me use your car” 

“Well try asking” Abby spat “ try checking In with myself or Indra before you decide on your next road trip” 

Clarke sighed heavily “ Lexa’s not a child” 

“No but you certainly act like one, you think you know what’s best for her, that she knows what’s best for her but none of you have a clue” 

“She can decide what she wants to do and not do” 

Abby grabbed hold of Clarke’s arm and dragged her toward her office. 

“Mom let go” Clarke called out “ mom “ 

Abby let go of her daughters arm when they entered her office “ I didn’t want to do this Clarke. And I certainly shouldn’t be because Lexa is my patient but you won’t listen, you won’t be told, you think you know what’s best because she allows you in, well take s look at this my girl” Abby dropped a file on the desk in front of Clarke, it had Lexa’s name on it .

“This is personal” 

“Yeah It is” Abby agreed “ but you need to know what I had to deal with when Lexa got her, what poor Indra and Lexa’s siblings had to deal with when she got brought Home from war .. you sit and take a good look Clarke, then and only then you might just understand where I’m coming from” 

Abby left Clarke alone in her office, Clarke stared at the file for what felt like hours, she was a little afraid to look, scared of what she might see or read, she was also dubious because she didn’t want to pry into Lexa’s life unless she allowed her, slowly she picked the file up, the first page was basic information, Lexa’s name, age and so on the next page made Clarke almost sick in her own mouth, a photo of Lexa’s badly bruised face to the point she wasn’t sure it was even her and the other of her back, burned, blistered and bloody, Clarke snapped closed the file throwing it on to the desk and she began to cry, her mom was right she didn’t know anything about what was right for Lexa, her injuries were unbearable, the thought of Lexa feeling that kind of pain broke Clarke’s heart 

Suddenly she felt her mother’s arms around her, a warm hug which made Clarke cry even more “ I’m sorry mom” 

Abby shook her head soothing her daughter” I know you want to help Clarke but you have to trust me” 

Clarke nodded “ I do.. I just want her to be better” 

“ she will one day Clarke but she needs more then you and I can give her, she needs therapy and time, she needs to take it easy and allow me to help her heal” 

Clarke swallowed back her sobs and wiped her eyes “ I get it, I do, “ 

Abby nodded “ how much did you see?”

“Second page” Clarke sniffed 

Abby kissed the girls head “ Ok “ 

Clarke’s phone beeped indicating a message from Lexa, the blonde set Lexa her own tone so she knew when it was her. 

 

LEXA- 

So I’m guess I got you into trouble with your mom? I’m sorry... Indra’s making banana bread if that softens ya blow? Lol 

Clarke laughed a little “ it’s Lexa” 

Abby nodded placing another kiss to the blonde’s head “ I Trust this goes no further then this room?” 

Clarke nodded “ it won’t..” 

Once Abby left Clarke alone she text the soldier back .

CLARKE - 

Hey no I’m not in trouble, she’s just a little pissed you’re in pain, I’m sorry, I didn’t think it through.. you doing ok?” X 

 

LEXA- it was worth it Clarke, I had a really good time.. I don't regret any of it... will I see you today?”

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s comment about no regrets she didn’t worry that Maybe the kiss would freak the brunette out a little but it seems not. 

CLARKE - 

I’ll be there soon... don’t go eating all that bread ya hear me?” X 

LEXA- can’t promise anything x 

As much as Clarke wanted to see Lexa she needed a little time to herself to get over the images she saw .. she needed to clam her emotions the last thing she wanted was to see Lexa and break down again.. she didn’t want Lexa to feel pitied or for her to think Clarke felt sorry for her but in truth? That’s exactly what Clarke felt.. she was sorry, so so sorry Lexa had to go through something so horrendous, and her heart broke because she knew Lexa relived those moments in her dreams .. 

... 

Lexa sat alone at her kitchen table after Indra left for church.. her phone on her hand and her contacts set on Anya’s name.. she knew Anya and Lincoln hung out on a Sunday, it was their thing, when she was home she would be there and when she was away she always called.. taking a deep breath she pressed the call button and allowed it to ring.. two rings later she heard a voiced she missed terrible .

“Lex?” 

“Hey Annie” Lexa smiled 

Suddenly a sob came through the ear piece .

“Don’t cry” Lexa laughed “ doesn’t suit you” she teased 

“I’m sorry” Anya sniffed “ it’s just so good to hear your voice.. Linc? She called out” it’s Lexa” 

Next Lincoln’s voice came “ lex? Is that’s really you?” 

Lexa laughed again “ hello big brother” 

Lincoln laughed “ wow I can’t believe it,”

Lexa could hear the emotion in his voice just like Anya’s “ missed me?” 

Lincoln laughed again “ like you wouldn’t believe” 

“ put it on loud speaker so I can hear too” Lexa heard Anya beg. 

“What are you guys doing?” 

“ same old” Anya Answered “ but less about use, how are you? You doing ok? “ 

Lexa nodded “ I’m getting there, I miss you both” 

“We miss you” her siblings said in unison. 

“ it’s been so long we forgot what you sound like” Anya stated 

“I know and I’m sorry” Lexa Sighed “ it’s not easy for me, but I’m getting there, I feel like I’m getting better by the day.. I even went to the beach last night “

“You did?” Lincoln sounded surprised, Indra had kept in regular contact with her other children letting them know how Lexa was at every step. 

“Yeah I’ve Uh... well I have a friend here” 

“Friend huh?” Anya teased “ wouldn’t happen to be the Doctors daughter would it?” 

“Shut up” Lexa laughed “ her names clarke, we hang out most days, last night we drove to the beach it was good being out of the house, I felt like the old me again” 

“That’s all we want” Lincoln smiled into the phone, “ so did you have a good time?” 

Lexa nodded again with a smile “ yeah I did”

“Lexa Woods do you have a crush?” Anya teased which usually Lexa wouldn’t like but having her siblings on the phone and being as Normal as they use to be made Lexa smile .

“Shut up” Lexa blushed 

“She does” Lincoln laughed “ well she’s cute I’ll give you that” 

“What?” Lexa frowned “ how do you know?”

“Mom told us about her” Anya Answered “ We facebooked her” 

“Oh for gods sakes” 

“Gotta look out for out baby sister lex” 

Lexa laughed “ well I’m glad you approve, however I’m not ready for anything serious, I mean I’m still not myself, and it’s not fair on Clarke to get her hopes up” 

“Holy shit” Anya squealed “ somethings happened between you two hasn’t it” 

“What? No” Lexa protested wondering how the hell Anya always seems to know. 

“It so did.. so what was it? Did you kiss her? A little touching?” 

“Anya leave her alone” Lincoln laughed 

“Guys c’mon” Lexa shook her head 

“You kissed her didn’t you?” Anya pushed “ didn’t you”?

“Oh god fine yes” Lexa gave in “ we kissed ok.. but that’s not for Indra to hear about so keep it to yourselves “ 

Anya and Lincoln clapped and cheered “ way to do lex” 

“Idiots” Lexa laughed “ anyways I don’t know what it means, I haven’t seen her yet today and last night she told me not to over think it so that’s what I’m doing, like I said I’m not in the right place to be getting into something romantic right now” 

 

“ you just gotta go at your own pace lex” Lincoln encouraged “ and from what mom says Clarke seems like a great girl, I’m sure she knows you aren’t ready “ 

 

Lexa smiled “ yeah she does.. anyways as much as I’ve loved hearing you tease me I’m a little tired so need to rest up” 

“Ok lex, it was great hearing your voice, call us anytime you want ok? We’re always here “

“I know.. l love you both” 

“We love you” her siblings sang out “ say hi to blondie for us” Anya added 

“Ok go away now” Lexa laughed “ bye guys” 

.. 

It felt good to finally talk to her family again, she missed the bond they all shared, she loved how they didn’t ask to many questions or told her how sorry they were for the thousandth time, it was nice to just have them be as normal as possible even if it didn’t mean they teased her.. 

.. 

Once the call ended Anya let go and cried into Lincoln’s arms “ I never thought I would hear her laugh again Linc” 

Lincoln held his sister tight to his chest as she cried, he himself doing a Better job at holding her tears in “ I know .. I know” 

“It was like she was back to herself, and I know she isn’t and may never be but for them sort amount of time we had her back” 

Lincoln laughed “ and Check her out doing a little kissing” 

Anya laughed along “ I know what a hoe” 

Lincoln kissed the top of Anya’s head “ she’ll come back Annie. I can feel it..” 

Anya sat up wiping her eyes “ I don’t know much about this Clarke girl but I’m thankful for her, she seems to be helping” 

Lincoln nodded “ let’s hope it stays that way huh?.. you think maybe she’ll let us see her soon?” 

“I hope so” Anya sniffed standing up “ Cmon Let’s got to the bar, I need a drink” 

..

Clarke had been by herself most of the day, as the sun was starting to set she made her way over to the Willis house she hoped Lexa wouldn’t be upset about her not being there, as she turned the door knob she realised the door was locked, that wasn’t a good sign she thought, Maybe Lexa was mad at her.. taking her phone out she called the ex soldier .

“Hello”

“Uh hey lex. I’m downstairs, the doors locked” 

“Oh one sec” 

And just like that Lexa was gone, she didn’t sound annoyed Clarke noticed .. a few seconds later the lock in the door went and Lexa stood in front of her with a smirk.. a nervous smile but still a smile.. Her hair was slightly damp and brushed cross her left shoulder, it was the first time Clarke had been it out of the usual braids she wore. 

“Sorry I was in the shower”

Clarke shook her head “ it’s ok... how are you feeling?”

Lexa nodded “ I’m ok, a little sore” 

“Is there anything I can do?” Clarke asked carefully “ I mean to help?”

“I’m fine Clarke, don’t worry”

“Ok” Clarke smiled “ Have you eaten?”

“Indra left something in the oven.. but I’m good, help yourself if you want” 

“I’m good” Clarke said” “how did you sleep?”

“Like a baby actually” Lexa laughed “ I know the end result wasn’t great but I had a great time last night”

“Me too” Clarke agreed biting her bottom lip

Lexa noticed Clarke’s slightly off demeanour, she worried it was because of the events of the night before “ you don’t have to feel awkward” 

“I don’t” 

Lexa tilted her head “ really? Because you seem it” 

Clarke shook her head “ I just don’t want you to feel weirded out”

Lexa reached out taking the blonde’s hand in her own “ I don’t.. And I don’t know if t was a good idea or not.. I mean I’m not really in the best of places right now but you know that... is it sensible to even think about getting into something with you? Probably not, but I don’t regret Clarke, kissing you made me feel good about myself... I... I liked it” the brunette laughed nervously “ I mean it was nice... right?”

Clarke nodded “ yeah... yeah it was” 

“And as nice as it was and I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to do it again.. but....”

“No buts” Clarke interrupted “ I get it lex, you need to concentrate of being well again .. for yourself “

Lexa nodded and smiled “ thanks.. wanna watch a film?”

“Sure”

.... 

Lexa and Clarke sat either side of Lexa’s bed watching some comedy, Clarke’s laugher filling the room made Lexa smile, she liked how easy it was with the blonde, half an hour into the movie Lexa began to fidget a little, Clarke shifted a little closer and gently placed her hand on the bottom of Lexa’s back slowly running it up and down her back., she recognised Lexa’s discomfort from before and knew what was bothering her.. Lexa didn’t flinch, in-fact she closed her eyes and allowed Clarke to sooth her aching skin. 

Clarke could feel her scars more this time round and felt bad that she had caused this discomfort by taking her to the beach “ maybe next time we could just a walk huh?”

“Clarke” Lexa Sighed enjoying the feel of Clarke’s hands on her “ this isn’t your fault, so please stop feeling guilty” 

“It’s a little hard when it was my idea”

“You didn’t make me” Lexa argued “ and you didn’t force me to run into the sea or lie on the sand, it’s on me” 

Clarke nodded and shifted a little closer this time massaging tense shoulders.” Relax a little” 

“I’m trying” 

Clarke saw the redness on the tips of Lexa’s ears and knew she was blushing but didn’t tease her.. 

Lexa did relax leaning herself into the blonde,feeling her breath on her skin was like lighting a flame inside her soul 

“Clarke” she whispered 

“Mmmm” 

“I know I said I wasn’t ready but I.... “licking her bottom lip and taking a deep breath Lexa continued “ I really want to kiss you again”

Clarke blushed this time and her heart began to race “ why don’t you then?”

Lexa turned to face the lip biting blonde “ I don’t want to give you mixed signals” 

“I get it lex” Clarke assured her “ I know you have mountains to climb and I know you’re gonna have bad days and some days you’re not gonna want to see me, times when your not gonna be as calm as you are now and I accept that, I like being here with you, I won’t lie and say I’m not attracted to you because evidently I am.. “ she rolled her eyes and laughed a little “ but I would never expect anything from you or push you in any way” 

Lexa nodded “ soooo I can kiss you?” 

Clarke rolled her eyes taking the collar of Lexa’s shirt and pulling her in so their lips touched, it was gentle, Lexa’s lips felt like silk and Clarke fell into them, Lexa placed her hand on the side of Clarke’s check running is down to her neck where she held her as she moved her lips with a little more confidence.. 

Clarke felt her body burning, Lexa really knew how to kiss, Clarke would give anything to feel them on her skin. Lexa’s tongue ran across the blonde’s bottom lip asking for entrance which Clarke happily granted, as soon as their tongues touched Clarke couldn’t hold back the moan she was trying so hard to hold in, Lexa hummed into Clarke’s mouth at the same time, her thumb stroking at the blonde’s throat.

“Lexa” Clarke panted pulling away slightly Their noses still touching “ we should stop” 

Lexa nodded “ yeah” 

Called nudged her nose onto Lexa’s before pulling away “ you’re way to good at that” 

“Lexa laughed “ back at cha” 

“ she’ll we finish the film?”

Lexa nodded “ let me just go grab some snack and drinks” 

Once Lexa headed downstairs Clarke took a moment to breath, today had been a weird day for her but now she was in Lexa’s company nothing seemed to matter, Clarke knew she was stepping into unknown territory, she knew Lexa could switch on her at any given moment, push her away and cut her off but in them moments when her and Lexa are close, and now sharing intimate moments she just didn’t care, she heard her mother’s words loud and Clear and the images of Lexa’s past were imbedded into her mind, but her feeling for the ex soldier were growing by the day and if Lexa wanted her there,   
then that’s where she would be... 

what ever Lexa was offering she was willing to take..


	18. Chapter 18

“Good morning” Indra startled Clarke from the kitchen table.. 

Clarke and Lexa had fell asleep watching a movie, when Clarke woke around three am Lexa was cuddled into her side, she looked so peaceful the blonde didn’t want to wake her.. 

“Morning, we Uh.... we just fell asleep watching a movie” Clarke didn’t know why she was justifying herself, it wasn’t like Indra was questioning her .

“ I see” Indra nodded 

“I better go” Clarke smiled quickly heading for the back door .

“Clarke?” 

And there is its, Clarke thought as she turned to face the older women .

 

“ be careful..I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt” 

Clarke sighed “ I wouldn’t do anything to her Lexa” 

“I wasn’t taking about Lexa” 

Clarke was taken back by the women’s reply, “ I have to go” 

“ bye” Indra nodded watching Clarke leave . 

 

“Would you care tell me exactly you meant by that?” Lexa asked from behind her mother making her jump.

“Lexa you startled me”

Lexa stood tall with her arms folded behind her back “ Are you going to tell me?” 

“She’s falling for you Lexa” Indra rolled her eyes shaking her head “ and I’m guessing you're going the same way, so forgive me for worrying about that poor girls heart” 

“ her heart?” 

“Yes hers” Indra raised her voice “ Lexa you are in a dark place, you need more help and more time, what you don’t need is to get into something with Clarke that you cant commit too.. You may have feelings for her and in an ideal world I would encourage that, she’s a great girl and I love you, so of coarse I want you to be happy, but this isn’t an ideal world and You have a long way to go before you could even give Clarke half of what she deserves” 

“You think I don’t know that?” Lexa snapped “ I’m fully aware of what I need thank you, and right now that’s for you to mind your own business, what is happening or not happening between Clarke and I is down to Clarke and I .. 

“ I’m trying to look out for you” Indra snapped “ Abby’s trying to look out for her daughter, you are fully aware of how quickly your moods change so what happens then?” 

Lexa rolled her eyes “ Clarke understands” 

“She understands what she doesn’t know?” Indra quizzed “ she understands that there will come a time when you shut her off? When you don’t want her around? When you snap at her? She understands that does she?”

“ She knows I’ll have bad days” Lexa raises her voice “ she knows I’ll need space, we’ve spoke about it, I’m not an idiot” 

“I’m not saying you are” 

“Then don’t treat me like one” Lexa fumed “ you want me to get better, you want me to start living again and when I do, you tell me Not too” 

“Living? Yes... working on getting better? Yes... doing it for or through Clarke isn’t what I want or you need Lexa” 

Lexa shook her head “ just mind your own business, I’m not a child and neither is Clarke” 

... 

Lexa was restless most of the day, Indra's words had played on her mind, was that what she was doing? Was she just living through Clarke? Was she stupid to even think about getting close with the blonde?. 

 

Clarke wasn’t having the same problem she was happy with how things with Lexa were, she liked their nights where she stayed over and they fell asleep together, she liked how Lexa was comfortable enough with her to let her sooth her when she was in pain, she liked how relaxed the soldier was becoming around her, once her shift at work was done she would head home for a quickly shower and get back to the girl who had been on her mind all day.. 

When she got back Lexa was quiet, which Lexa thought was ok, she guessed today was an off day so she carried the conversation but the longer she was there the more uncomfortable she felt “ Lex what’s up?”

“Nothing” 

“Nothing?” Clarke repeated “ really? Because I’ve been here almost two hours and I don’t think you’ve said more then five words apart from mmmmm, so what gives?”

Lexa stayed silent for a few more seconds “ I heard what Indra said to you” 

“Oh” Clarke nodded “ so?” 

“So maybe she’s right?” Lexa Sighed “maybe being around me isn’t good for you?” 

“No” Clarke said firmly shaking her head “ no we’re not doing this, you’re not doing this, I told you before I’m here because I want to be here, because I like being around you, I know this isn’t an ideal situation we’re in but thats life Lexa, I chose to be your friend” 

“ but that’s just it isn’t Clarke? We’re not jus friends, there’s something between us and the more time we spend together the more that develops, the more you’re here the more I want you here. Indra and your mom think that I’m leaning to hard on you, that your the only reason I’m trying to get better, and maybe they’re right?”

“Maybe you should just stop listen to other people and decide for yourself? Listen to what your own heart tells you” Clarke suggested “ I mean they tell you what to do and what to feel, what’s right and wrong, then you tell me what I should do or how I should feel , how about you and I just decide what we want and what we feel instead?”

Lexa Sighed “ I don’t know what I feel Clarke, I don’t know what is right for me right now, I just know that when you're with me I feel normal again, when we kissed I felt like maybe I could have a life again, that I could be the person I use to be but it’s not real is it? All of my getting better lately has revolved around you” 

“It is real” Clarke insisted taking Lexa’s hand and placing it to her chest above her heart “ feel that?” She asked earning herself a nod “ that’s real, I’m here because there is no where else I wanna be, it’s real because I don’t look at you like you’re broken Lexa, when I look at you I see this amazing women who has come through the hardest of time and yet she’s still standing, you’re beautiful, you have this amazing soul, I love hearing you laugh, I love seeing you smile, and to be honest I couldn’t give a shit what my mom or yours say about this, all I care about is you, if you don’t want me here? or you don’t want me ? Then it has to come from here” turning her hand around to place it firmly above Lexa’s heart Clarke sighed “ if it truly comes from here then I’ll walk away, I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want?” 

Lexa heard every word Clarke said, she felt the beats of her heart, she felt her nerves as she spoke, what she also felt was that there was no way she didn’t want her in her life, she didn’t want to wake up knowing she won’t be coming over again .. Clarke’s eyes were full of hope as she stood with her hand still on Lexa’s chest “ I don’t want you to go away” 

Clarke nodded that was all she needed to hear, she moved her hand from Lexa’s chest to the back of her neck and brought her in for a deep passionate kiss, Lexa’s hands found firm hips and she pulled the blonde in so their body’s were flush, the kiss was different to their last few, This kiss was full of unspoken words, this kiss was full of Clarke’s feelings and in turn Lexa’s. Maybe Clarke was right and it shouldn’t be about what others think, maybe Lexa just needs to listen to her self and allow her heart to embrace Clarke’s, and that was exactly what this kiss was, it was both of them letting each other know they trusted each other.

“No more over thinking ok?” Clarke smiled brushing her nose against Lexa’s as she pulled away from the kiss.

“ I’m sorry” Lexa nodded “ I just don’t want you to feel like you have to be here” 

“I want to be here” Clarke assured the brunette “ can we drop this and eat something? I’m hungry” 

Lexa laughed squeezing Clarke’s hips before she let go “ feed you I can do” 

“Good then let’s lie down and watch a movie,” 

“Ok”

.. 

Just like before Lexa was a little restless, Clarke like before noticed it straight away, she still felt bad knowing their little trip to the beach was the cause of Lexa’s discomfort “ Hey want me to help?” 

Lexa shook her head “ I’m ok” 

“No” Clarke sat up pulling Lexa with her “ you’re not, your uncomfortable and that’s partly my fault so let me help” 

Lexa sucked in her bottom lip with a nod “ its no ones fault, but maybe you could just rub my back?”

Clarke smiled sitting up behind the solider gently placing her hand on the base of Lexa’s back and slowly moving her hands “ How’s that?” 

“That’s Nice” Lexa Sighed looking up to the ceiling “ maybe we can hold off on a beach trip again for a while Huh?” 

Clarke laughed under her breath not really finding it funny” yeah lets stick to walks in the park yeah?” 

Lexa nodded enjoying the feel of Clarke’s hands on her, she was gently and it really did help, but for her to feel fully comfortable with Clarke she had to share everything with her “ do you want to see?” She asked nervously

Clarke hands stilled for a second before continuing up to Lexa’s shoulders “ not if you don’t want me too “

“ it’s the only thing you don’t know about me Clarke, the only thing I hide from you, if I want this to be something then I have to trust you”

Clarke placed her chin on to Lexa’s shoulder wrapping her arms around her waist “ I want you to do what ever you feel ok with, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in anyway” 

Lexa placed her hands on top of Clarke’s and leaned back so their heads were touching “ they’re ugly Clarke, I hate them, I’m glad I can’t see them, but I need to show you” 

“Nothing about you is ugly Lexa” Clarke kissed her shoulder “ nothing” 

Lexa nodded moving herself out of Clarke’s embrace slowly moving her t shirt up and over her head, she had a bra on but the rest of her top half was exposed to Clarke. 

Clarke’s eyes scanned the brunettes bare back, Yes there was a lot of scarring but they were not ugly at all, some were barely visible, some were red and angry from the sand and some where risen more then others, what Clarke did notice was that they ran almost all the way up the middle of Lexa’s back, she had imagined from the photo she saw that the whole of her back had been effected but that wasn’t the case she wasn’t sure how to handle this situation she was in but she knew she wanted to reach out and touch the brave girl in front of her, so she did.  
Her hand slowly reached out for the scaring just underneath Lexa’s bra strap Causing Lexa to gasp and tense up “ it’s not ugly “ Clarke whispered “ you're beautiful, every part of you is beautiful” 

“ how can you say that”?

Clarke leaned forward and placed her lips to Lexa’s deepest scar “ because you are, and this scars don’t change that, nothing could ever change that” 

Clarke placed more kisses to Lexa’s back and slowly over her shoulder to her neck, Lexa’s body felt alive, it felt forever since she was touched in such a way “ Clarke” she whispered 

“Do you want me to stop?” Clarke asked kissing the side of Lexa’s jaw 

“No” Lexa pushed further into Clarke’s body “ no I don’t” 

Clarke gently lifted Lexa’s bra strap and slid it down her arm so she could gain full access to her shoulder, shoulders that instantly lost all tension in them “ you smell so good” Clarke laughed into the dip of the brunettes neck placing a warm kiss there.

“You feel good” Lexa replied placing her hands on Clarke’s thighs “ it’s been so long” 

Clarke used her left hand to pull Lexa’s jaw around so she could kiss her lips, her lips were warm to touch, “ when ever you want to stop just say ok?”

Lexa turned so she was on her knees in front of the blonde, their lips finding each other’s, it was fast and furious, the more Lexa had of Clarke the more she wanted, she leaned in further pushing Clarke on to her back so she could comfortably lie between her legs, her hand gripping at the blonds shirt, Clarke’s hands found their way to Lexa face, her tongue pushing its way into her mouth, Lexa happily replied by running her tongue across the roof of Clarke’s mouth gaining a deep raspy moan from the blonde.. their kisses were sloppy, Clarke could feel Lexa shaking under her finger tips, if she wasn’t sure about Lexa being ready for such an intimate moment it didn’t last long when she felt one of Lexa’s hands go underneath her shirt and slide up her rib cage.. 

 

“Are you sure?” The blonde panted pushing Lexa away a little “ I mean we can stop” 

“I don’t think I can” Lexa replied lifting Clarke off the bed a little to remove her shirt leaving Clarke in just her bra “ god you’re beautiful” 

“So are you” Clarke replied bringing their lips together for a gentle kiss “ we can go at your pace, if I touch you somewhere you don’t like just stop me Ok?” 

Lexa nodded flicking the clasp of Clarke bra and sliding it away from her body, her breast were more impressive bare as they were in her bra, Lexa took one of her nipples in her mouth and bit down causing Clarke to hiss in Pleasure, she knew Lexa knew what she was doing when she felt her tongue teasing where she had bit, Clarke was willing to let Lexa take the lead in case she scared the girl away.  
Lexa felt like all the shit she had been going through was slowing disappearing in that moment. Clarke didn’t care about her scars and that made her braver, she undone the popper of Clarke’s jeans looking up at her to make sure it’s ok, Clarke gave her a nod and she set to work to remove her jeans, Clarke’s underwear didn’t match which the brunette found cute, once Clarke was rid of her jeans Lexa laid back down between her legs running her hand across her stomach, she was toned but soft, her curves were magnificent, her legs closed around Lexa’s waist and the brunette stoked at the side of her ass, Lexa felt like she could drowned in the blonde, their kisses were all tongue and moans, Clarke was more careful and kept her hands on Lexa’s hips, that was until Lexa sat up and removed her own bra before taking one of Clarke’s hand and placing it on her boob “ you can touch me Clarke” 

Clarke sat up wrapping one arm around Lexa waste and cupping her boob with the other all the while kissing her with urgency, Lexa only had sweat pants on so it was easy to feel Clarke’s heat, she knew the blonde was wet and that she was the cause of it, “ is this ok?” She asked stroking at her underwear 

“God yes” Clarke cried out as she took Lexa nipple into her mouth letting go with a pop when Lexa pushed her on to her back, the brunette took a moment to look at Clarke, into her eyes, then down to her chest and even further to where she had plans to go, when Lexa opened Clarke’s legs she couldn’t help the smile on her face, Clarke was completely shaven which was always Lexa’s preference, it gave her more of a clear few of just how wet she was, looking back at Clarke’s completely blown eyes she smirked “ you sure?” 

“Are you?” Clarke asked back.. Lexa ran her tongue across her bottom lip before leaning down to kiss up Clarke’s thigh, pleased with herself when she witnessed Clarke gripping at the bed sheet, she could smell Clarke’s arousal, she could see it too so all that was left was for her to taste it, she slowly ran her tongue through Clarke’s folds and the blonde jolted off the bed “ shit” 

Lexa laughed a little before continuing to tease as much as she could before she sulked hard where Clarke needed her most, “oh god” Clarke groaned “ Lexa's fingers slowly entering the blonde and after a impressive moan from Clarke Lexa began to thrust into her at a harder going pace, her fingers brought Clarke up while her tongue tipped her over the edge “ Yes, my god, yes” she cried out “ Fuck Lexa”.. Lexa lapped up Clarke’s orgasm and slowly pulled her fingers out of her, before she kissed her way up to the blonde’s lips for a passionate kiss “you’re really good at that?” Clarke laughed as she played with the curls on the back of of Lexa’s neck. 

“ you make it easy” Lexa smirked kissing Clarke’s lips “ you make the sexiest sex noises I’ve ever heard “ she laughs 

Clarke blushed trying to hide her eyes with her hands but Lexa didn’t let her “ it’s nothing to be embarrassed about Clarke, in fact it’s sexy as hell” 

Clarke smiled “ you know what else is sexy?.... you” she giggled rolling Lexa off her body and on to the bed, Lexa did her best to hide the discomfort but Clarke was a pro now “ lift up” she ordered placing a soft pillow down so Lexa’s back could rest on it “ better?” 

Lexa nodded pulling Clarke on top of her “ I won’t break”

Clarke nodded kissing at the brunettes collar bone down to her breast paying them both attention before descending down her stomach, Lexa may not have worked out in a while but no one could ever tell, there were signs of a six pack, and Clarke let her tongue run over them feeling each ripple of Lexa’s muscles , her fingers played at the waist band of Lexa’s pants, so Lexa helped her out and removed them. Clarke’s eyebrows shot up into her forehead when she looked down and Lexa wasn’t wearing any underwear “ well that’s made less work for me” she teased opening legs a little more.. suddenly she felt the mood change, Lexa’s eyes were wide and she looked like she was about to run “ you ok?.. we can stop” 

Lexa swallowed hard shaking her head “ no, it’s just... it’s just I haven’t.. I mean I know I just did you but... but I haven’t” 

Clarke made her way back up to place a kiss to Lexa’s mouth “ shhhhhh it’s ok, you don’t have to explain, i get it” 

“No you don’t” Lexa Sighed looking into Clarke’s eyes “ I want you too, I’m just Nervous” 

“Don’t be” Clarke smiled looking deeply into Lexa’s eyes and she ran her fingers through Lexa’s centre, “ I’m here, I’m here” 

Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke’s as she ran her fingers through her wet folds “ if you want to stop?” 

“I don’t” Lexa insisted pulling Clarke into a deep passionate kiss “ you can touch me” 

That was enough permission for Clarke as she sunk two fingers deep inside the now panting brunette, as much as she wanted to taste her she didn’t think Lexa was ready so using her fingers she brought Lexa to the edge while sucking on her nipple, Lexa was a much quieter then Clarke, but her body let the blonde know she was doing all the right things, Lexa came with a small cry and Clarke couldn’t help smile at the way her face crunches up “ you’re way to cute” she giggled kissing Lexa quickly before sucking her fingers into her mouth, Lexa arousal tasted good and Clarke knew that when she got the chance to actually fully taste her she wouldn’t be disappointed. 

Once Clarke removed herself from Lexa she rolled into her side, the coolness of the room felt good on her back “ thank you “ 

Clarke was led on her front facing the brunette “ for what? Giving you an orgasm?” She teased 

“No” Lexa tutted rolling her eyes “ for being you, for being patient with me, for not giving up when I push you away” 

“I’m going no where” Claude winked leaning in for a quick kiss “ you ready for some sleep?” 

“Lexa nodded “ can I be your big spoon?” 

“Sure” Clarke smiled rolling over pulling Lexa’s arm with her. 

“And for giving me an orgasm” Lexa added with a chuckle.

“Oh believe me the pleasures all mine,” Clarke laughed kissing Lexa’s hand that had entwined with her “ night lex” 

“Night” Lexa smiled kissing Clarke on the shoulder before laying her head on her own pillow.. suddenly life didn’t seem so bad and her future didn’t seem so daunting, not when she had a women as beautiful as Clarke in her arms ..


	19. Chapter 19

UH OH .. seems the universe isn’t on Clexa’s side and their little bit of happiness was short lived .... 

 

Indra entered the house a little later then usual and was surprised to see that Lexa hasn’t woke yet.. usually Lexa was an early riser so Indra worried something might be wrong.. once she made her way upstairs she gently knocked on Lexa’s door but received no answer.

“Lexa” she spoke softly opening the door, her eyes widened when she saw Lexa sound asleep on her front with her back exposed and an equally sleeping Clarke curling into her side with her arm slung over the soldiers waist.

Quickly closing the door Indra made her way downstairs to call Abby, as much as she wanted her daughter to start living she knew clinging to Clarke wasn’t the way to go .

“Abby? I think you should come over.. it’s urgent” 

Abby agreed and hurried over to the Willis house .

“Indra what’s wrong? Is Lexa ok? Did something happen?” Abby panicked coming through the door with her medical bag.

“Lexa’s fine” Indra assured her “ well physically she is.”

Abby frowned looking around “ then what’s the emergency?” 

Indra took a seat at the kitchen table “ Abby I’m guessing you haven’t seen Clarke this morning?” 

“No” Abby frowned “ I had morning rounds why?” 

“ when I got here Lexa wasn’t awake so I went to check on her” Indra swallowed knowing the next piece of information wasn’t going to go down well with the Doctor. “ her and Clarke are...” 

Abby didn’t need to hear anymore “ are you kidding me?” 

Indra shook her head 

Abby face looked like it was about to explode “ I warned her” she fumed taking to the stairs 

“Abby wait” Indra tried but it was to late Abby was already running up the stairs 

“Clarke” she shouted starling the sleeping pair 

“ mum” Clarke gasped her eyes full of panic 

“Get your ass downstairs now” 

 

Once Abby left the room Clarke sunk back into the pillow “ shit” 

“ this is not gonna go well” Lexa swallowed getting up to get dressed “ fuck” 

“Hey” Clarke said grabbing her shirt throwing it over head before she got out of the bed “ listen to me,” she wet her lips “ I know that when we go downstairs it’s gonna be crazy ok? My moms gonna shout and scream, they’ll both go in on us but it doesn’t matter, what matters is what we spoke about last night Ok?” 

Lexa listened to Clarke not feeling very hopefully .

“ we’re not kids Lexa, they can’t tell us what to do?” 

Lexa nodded watching as Clarke pulled on her jeans “ your moms gon....”

“You let me handle my mom” Clarke stopped her “ just let me take the lead Ok? Don’t lose your temper” 

Lexa took a deep breath in and out and followed Clarke down the stairs where Indra was sat and Abby was pacing .

“Before you even think about screaming at me,” Clarke got in before her mother saw her “ this is no ones business but mine and Lexa’s “ 

“ are you out of your damn mind?” Abby exclaimed “ how many times do you have to be told that Lexa isn’t ready for this?” 

“Lexa can decide for herself” Lexa said taking a seat next to her mom “ I take it you called in the called cavalry “ 

“What was I supposed to do Lexa?” 

“Oh I don’t know? Mind your own fucking business” 

“Enough” Abby fumed “ do not talk to your mother like that, she has bent over backwards for you as have I And this is how you repay us?” 

“Oh get a grip Abby” Lexa said rolling her eyes.

“ get a grip?” Abby fumed “ Lexa you're the one who needs to get a grip.. a grip on reality, tell me exactly how you would even think you’re ready to be involved with someone when you’re so out of touch with the world right now?”

“Someone or Clarke?” Lexa glared 

“ anyone” Abby replied looking at her daughter “ did I not warn you about something this? Did we not talk about this “ 

“Yes mom we did but things happen, people can’t control who they like, now they feel about a person” 

“ maybe not but they can control who they fall into bed with Clarke “ Abby snapped “ I’m so disappointed in you right now... go home” 

“ who gives you the right to tell her what to do “ Lexa stood up only to have Clarke to grab her wrist .

“ I’m not going anywhere, and yes maybe to you and everyone else this was a stupid idea, but not to me and Lexa, we spoke about it, about everything that’s been going on between us, when we’re together it feels right mom, you can’t tell me to go home or stay away because I won’t” 

“ you have no idea the damage you’re causing, not just to Lexa but to yourself” 

“And that’s what it’s all about isn’t it Abby?” Lexa laughed mockingly “ this has nothing to do with the fact we had sex last night and all to do with the fact it’s your daughter, you just don’t want Clarke to get involved with someone like me do you? Because I’m damaged, because I have PTSD.. because I have nothing going for me now the army dumped me, because you would rather your child be with someone say a doctor, or a lawyer or just someone who has all their skin intact maybe? the truth is you don’t think I’m good enough for her and that’s why you have such an issue.. it’s not Clarke or our relationship ..it’s me” 

“Lex” Clarke sighed squeezing a little tighter on Lexa’s wrist .

“Yes” Abby said firmly “ yes it is you.. you have Deep issues Lexa that you refuse to address, you have things you need to take control of and you won’t. You think that you can ignore your problems and brush them under the carpet, pretend all these things never happened to you and you can’t, you can’t move on with you’re life until you do, and you” she looked to Clarke “ you think I’m just being a bitch and I want to dictate your life but you couldn't be more wrong girl.. I wouldn’t care if you was to date Lexa if she were in a better place or at least acknowledging her issues.”

“Bull shit” Lexa fumes “ you’ve been against Clarke and I even being friends from the start” 

“ yes because I knew it would lead to this” 

Lexa shook her head “ well hear this, I’m a grown up and I can do what I want when I want with who I want l, same goes for Clarke” 

Please” Abby laughed “ you can’t even leave this house alone, you won’t even step into the yard so don’t give me the grown up speech, had Clarke not been persistent in getting you to open that door you would still be looking out at the world through the window” 

“Mom” Clarke was disgusted at how her mother was talking to Lexa .

“Don’t mom me Clarke” Abby snapped “ you and Lexa need a wake up call, you think this is some kind of loves young dream? You think you’re helping her? Saving her? Giving her a new life? Bringing back her old one? Well you’re not.. you two need to look at this with open eyes, Lexa isn’t well.. she needs professional help, and this is only going to end in heart ache and tears... I’m just not sure who’s?” 

“ Get Out” Lexa snarled “ both of you” she glared toward Indra who hadn’t said a word .

“ tell me Lexa “ Abby spoke not giving up so easily” what happens when you black out again? When you have a nightmare that you can’t bring yourself out of? What happens when you lash out and Clarke is the one on the receiving end of it like Your mom and I have been ? How will you forgive yourself if you hurt her?” 

“I would never hurt her” 

“ you can’t say that” Abby shrugged “ you’re not coherent, you’re not aware when you black out, when you hit out in your sleep so how can you tell me you wouldn’t hurt her? Intentionally I know you wouldn’t, but what about those moments when Indra and I have had to pin you down and I’ve had to sedate you because you have no control over your mind or your body? What then?”

Lexa’s heart sank she knew Abby was right, many times she has been the cause of Indra to sport a bruise or two, the first time she ever blacked out she hit Anya so hard in face she fractured her eye socket, that was the last strew for Lexa days later she move to the Willis house. 

Abby saw the realisation on the young brunette face and didn’t want to kick her when she was down but she needed her to understand where her concerns came from.

“ you are a good person Lexa, and you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met, and In no way do I think you’re not good enough for my daughter. but right now you’re not ready and you can’t stand there and tell me you are, you cant stand there and tell me you would never hurt Clarke because sometimes things are taken out of your control and there is nothing you can do about it.. so yes I’m concerned for her welfare just as much as I am yours, you two may think it feels right and it probably does but this is no girl meets girl and they live happily ever after” Abby finished by picking up her medical bag “ I think it’s best that I hand over your care to someone else” 

“Abby that’s not necessary ” Indra stood “ Lexa Tell Abby” 

“I think it’s a great idea” Lexa Answered “ now leave , all of you”

Clarke looked to Lexa with a frown “ Lex” 

“ your mom’s right Clarke” Lexa said firmly not daring to look at the blonde

“No, no “ Clarke shook her head “ what did we just discuss up stairs? What did I say? You agreed” 

“ just go Clarke” 

Clarke pulled Lexa so she was stood in front of her “ look at me?” 

Lexa shook her head 

“Look at me” Clarke raised her voice gripping at Lexa’s chin so she had no choice but to look at her “ Don’t do this” 

Lexa hated the fact she was the reason why Clarke’s beautiful blue eyes were filled with tears “ it’s for the best” she whispered 

“For who?” Clarke sobbed “ last night meant as much to you as it did me, I know it did, we have something, we work, you know that?” 

Lexa shook her head closing her eyes 

“ Lex please” 

“ Your mom’s right Clarke,” 

“No she isn’t” Clarke yelled “ she doesn’t know us, what we are, what we’re like when it’s just us, no one does, Lexa I promised you I wasn’t going anywhere and I meant it, please don’t push me away” 

Lexa knew Clarke was right, they had something special, she just wasn’t sure how real it was... she knew she was better when Clarke was around but was that a good thing or not she didn’t know “ just go Clarke” 

Clarke shook her head “ no you’re not pushing me away “ 

“Get out” Lexa fumed “ all of you” she now began to shout “ get out of my house, I don’t want any of you here” 

“Lexa” Indra tried but Lexa was to far gone “ get out” she yelled picking up a kitchen chair and throwing it at the wall “ get out” she cried again pushing the Microwave off the kitchen surface “ get out.. get out .. get out” 

Abby took hold of a bewildered Clarke who had no idea what was happening, how to stop it or what to do “ Lexa” 

“Get Out “ Lexa was throwing everything and anything that was in her sight,she couldn’t handle the look in Clarke’s eyes or the truth in Abby’s words, realisation hit her hard, Abby was right she couldn’t be anything to Clarke unless she worked on herself, maybe then they would stand a chance, 

Abby had pulled Clarke out of the house as well an Indra, Lexa’s assault on the kitchen could still be heard from her car .

“Why did you do that?” Clarke cried “ why did you say those things? Why did you have to hurt her like that? She wouldn’t hurt me” 

“You don’t know that Clarke” Abby argued “ but Lexa knows I’m right” 

“Listen mom” the crying blonde pointed to the house “ you did that, you caused this “

 

“ Lexa just needs to calm down” Indra tried “ once she’s calm we can go back and talk to her, she’s just upset Clarke, but Abby is right? When lexa gets like this she doesn’t have any control “ 

“Shut up, both of you” Clarke yelled “ if she pushes me away, if she cuts me off I swear on my fathers grave I will hate you forever” she swallowed looking into her mother’s eyes “ if I lose her because of you, then you lose me” 

Abby felt like her legs were about to give up on her hearing Clarke’s words but more so the look in her eyes “ baby” 

“No” Clarke shakes her head “ I mean it mom”

Indra took Abby in her arms as they watched Clarke ran up the road to god know where, “ she didn’t mean that” 

“ she did Indra” 

..

 

Clarke sat on the swings at the local park, she knew Lexa wouldn’t let her back in the house yet, she knew there were gonna be times that Lexa would need space but now that it was happening she didn’t know how to cope with it.. all she wanted to do was be there for the girl, to hold her and tell her everything would be ok and it didn’t matter what anyone said, it was what they felt that mattered .. 

She had sent a text to Lexa letting her know she was here when ever she was ready but the text never got delivered, Lexa must have switched her phone off.. it was getting dark by the time Clarke realised just how long she had been sat alone on the swings, she knew she didn’t have a chose but to go home, in that moment she would give anything for Octavia and Raven to be home..  
She needed someone to tell her it would be ok. 

 

“Honey where have you been” Abby worried when Clarke came into the house “ I’ve been so worried” 

“Leave me alone mom” Clarke sighed taking to the stairs.

“We need to talk Clarke” 

“No we don’t, I think you’ve said enough” 

“Can’t you see I have your’s and Lexa’s best interests at heart” Abby called up the stairs only for Marcus to place his hands on her shoulders “ leave her be honey, she needs time” 

“She hates me” 

“No she doesn’t” Marcus placed a kiss to the older blonde’s head “ she just needs some space” 

Abby let a tear run down her cheek, she knew how stubborn her daughter was, Clarke’s words haunted her to her core, it took so long for her to be ok with Marcus being part of their lives and Abby thought she lost a part of Clarke back then, now she feared with her moving away for school so soon she would lose her completely. 

“I just don’t want either of them to get hurt”

“I know” Marcus whispered into her hair “ I know” 

..

Lexa sat on the floor in the kitchen, her knuckles bleeding from where she punched a window that smashed, the kitchen was in darkness, and didn’t know how long she had been sat there, how could she had been so stupid to let Clarke get so close when she knew she couldn’t be what the blonde needed? Abby was right she wasn’t well enough to be with someone... not yet. But it hurt, it hurt so badly that she had pushed Clarke away, that Clarke had witnessed her lose control. She couldn’t erase the look in Clarke’s eyes, was it fear? Was she afraid of her? Lexa shook her head trying to forget the image.  
As she sat silently looking around at the mess she had made she just wanted to scream, she wanted to scream about what her life has become, scream about what had happened to her, scream at why she was like this? How could she ever get her life back?. 

Pressing the button on her phone it lite up messages from Clarke pinged through one after the other.. 

Clarke- it’s gonna be ok you know? I’m here when you’re ready x 

Clarke- lex? X 

Clarke - please don’t push me away.. I’ll give you space but can you just let me know you're ok? that we’re ok? X

Clarke - I’m worried about you xx 

Clarke - I just wish I could be there with you x 

Clarke - last night was so amazing, I hate that it’s ended this way but I want you to know I don’t care about what my mom said. I only care about you x 

Clarke - please lex? Xx 

 

Lexa Sighed heavily as she read Clarke’s pleas, she hated that Clarke was sad and worried but she knew if she replied then she would have to face the blonde and right now she was embarrassed and ashamed of herself .. the best thing for Clarke would be for Lexa to leave her alone and let the girl move in with her life ... 

.. 

“ she’s locked every door and window in the house” Indra sighed taking a sip of her tea that Abby had made her “ she won’t answer the phone, I don’t know what to do” 

Indra had stopped by the house early the next morning to check on her daughter but Lexa had locked her out ..

Abby nodded “ she’s gotta be in pain by now, she’s missed her medication twice already” 

“ there’s a broken window in the kitchen, it has blood on it” Indra worried “ I’m guessing she hit it” 

“ can we not break in?” Abby offered “ if she’s hurt then we need to get in and check on her” 

Clarke walked into the kitchen hoping her Mom had left for the day .. she looked like shit, she hadn’t slept a wink. 

“Good morning Clarke “ Indra offered a sad smile 

“ is it?” 

“Clarke” Abby warned 

Clarke was in no mood for her mom to be telling her off “ so what’s this? An intervention meeting?” 

Before Abby could Chastise her daughter Indra stepped in “ Lexa isn’t allowing anyone inside the house” 

“Do you blame her?” 

“Clarke this isn’t the time for your sass, we’re worried about her” Abby fumed “ she’s missing medication, she could possibly be hurt” 

“What?” Clarke worried “ hurt how?” 

“There’s a smashed window with blood on it” Indra explained “ I’m assuming she hit it” 

Clarke slammed down her glass she was using “ I swear to god if anything’s happened to her” 

“ I’m sure she’s ok?”Indra offered 

“She better be” Clarke warned grabbing her keys and phone running out of the door, not stopping until she reached the Willis house... “ Lexa” she called out as she banged hard on the door not caring who heard or seen her “ Lexa open the door... Lexa” 

Lexa sat in the kitchen with her hands over her ears trying to block the blonde out .

“Lexa” Clarke’s voice appeared at the kitchen door” Lexa please.. please just open up” 

Lexa closed her eyes taking some deep breaths “ 1...2...3” 

“Lexa” Clarke’s voice more annoyed now came through the broken window “ Lex I swear to god if you don’t open this door I’m gonna climb through this broken window.. I’m not going away until I know you’re ok?” 

“4...5...6..7..8” 

“Lexa” 

“Go away Clarke” 

“Thank god” Clarke whispered to the sky at least she knew Lexa was alive “ lex please let me in” 

“No” 

“ you must be in pain right? Let me help you” 

Lexa shook her head “ I don’t want your help” 

Clarke slumped down the door to sit on the step “ this is messed up” she began “ everything was going so well with us and know we’re letting people dictate our lives” 

“Your mom’s right Clarke, I’m not ready” 

“So that means we can’t be friends?” Clarke asked “ that means that we can’t hang out anymore?” 

Lexa didn’t really have an Answer for that but she did know that being just friends with Clarke would be to hard “ just go get on with your life Clarke” 

“What If I want you in it?” 

Lexa wiped her tears that were falling down her cheeks “ you’re going to school soon, you have a lot to look forward too” 

“I’m going to school in New York Lexa, that’s where you live, we can look forward to it together?” 

“No we can’t” Lexa Sighed placing her hand to the door she knew Clarke was leaning against .” You don’t need this in your life Clarke, I’m not getting better no time soon” 

“What so because of that I should just leave you?” Clarke asked “ stop caring?” 

“Your friends will be back from their trip any day now, go hang out with them, find a someone, move on, forget about me “ 

“I can’t” Clarke sniffed letting Lexa know she was crying “ I can’t walk away, I don’t want too” 

“Clarke” 

“ know what you’re doing” Clarke said feeling braver “ your doing this because of what my mom said, you think by pushing me away you’re doing me a favour but you’re wrong, she’s wrong and if you really feel this way and you want me gone then don’t be a pussy Lexa, open this damn door and tell me to my face, let me look in your eyes while you lie to me” 

Lexa almost smiled at Clarke’s persistence, she really was something else... she slowly lifted herself up to unlock the door before returning back to her spot.. Clarke must have heard the lock because she was instantly on her feet and inside the house in a second, looking around she spotted Lexa sat on the floor with her knees to her chest .

“Lex” Clarke gasped dropping to her knees taking Lexa’s bloody hand in her own “ what did you do?” 

Lexa shrugged looking at the floor

“Let me fix you up” Clarke smiled jumping up quickly to get the first aid kit before taking Lexa’s hand again .

“ is that what you wanna do Clarke?” Lexa asked sadly watching the blonde as she checked her hand for glass “ fix me?” 

“Only you can do that” Clarke Answered rummaging through the medical kit looking for something to clean the wound “ it’s not my mission to save you Lexa” 

“When what is it?” 

Clarke looked up at Lexa who still had her eyes on the floor “ why is it so hard for you to believe that I just want you.. I just want to be around you” 

“Because I’m broken” Lexa Answered looking into Clarke’s eyes “ because I’ll never be someone you can rely on, I’ll never be able to protect you, you’ll have to babysit me for the rest of your life, I’ll hold you back”

Clarke shook her head “ I’m not listen to this, I’m not gonna sit here whilst you feel sorry for yourself Lexa, you don’t need babysitting, and I certainly don’t need you to protect me, I’m a big girl and so are you” 

“ I scared you” 

Clarke shook her head “ I was just worried “ she said keeping her attention on Lexa’s hand as she bandaged it .

“ you were scared Clarke,” Lexa insisted “ I scared you” 

“And yet here I am” Clarke said looking at Lexa “ I came back because I care about you. And yes I was scared, I was scared because you lost it, but I was scared for you, I was scared that this was gonna happen. And now I’m here I’m so afraid that you’ve gone into yourself and you're gonna push me away” 

“ you're better off....” 

“Shut the fuck up Lexa “ Clarke fumed standing up “ stop telling me what’s best for me, stop telling me what to think and feel, I’m a grown up Lexa I can make my own decisions I don’t need my mom or you telling me how to live my life” 

 

Lexa stood up for the first time in hours her legs hurt as did her back “ What do you gain from this Clarke? What do I possibly bring to your life” 

“ why do you have to bring anything to my life? Why do you constantly feel I have to gain anything?” 

“Oh c’mon Clarke” Lexa rolled her eyes “ we all want something” 

“What do you want?” 

“I wanna be left alone” Lexa Answered 

“Bullshit, you’re just saying that because your backs up, your guards up and you think you don’t need anyone or anything” 

“ I don’t need you pitting me “ Lexa Sighed “ I don’t need you” 

Clarke grabbed hold of Lexa’s hands “ you know I don’t pity you, you know how I feel because I’ve told you, the other night I showed you, and I know you feel the same Lexa, you’ve shown me your scars, you let me touch you, you let me hold you, so do not stand in front it me and tell me this is pity and you may not need me but I know you want me... like I want I you” 

“Why can’t you just walk away” 

Clarke cupped Lexa’s face with her hands “ because I can’t, because I don’t want too” 

Lexa closed her eyes feeling the warmth of Clarke’s hands on her skin, she felt good, she felt love “ I can’t give you anything” 

“ I don’t want anything” Clarke whispered bring Lexa in for a slow but passionate kiss “ just you” 

Lexa could feel her tears run down her cheeks and onto her lips that were currently attached to Clarke’s “ you deserve more” 

“Let me be the judge of that” Clarke smiled into another kiss “ can we just rewind to the moment before my mom came and ruined everything?” 

“She cares” Lexa said 

“Don’t defend her,” 

Lexa nodded looking around the room “ I should clean this up” 

“Let me help you”? Clarke winked earning herself a nod from Lexa .. 

The pair cleaned the kitchen and Lexa went online to order replacements for everything she broke whilst Clarke made lunch “ Clarke” 

“Mmm” Clarke smiled placing a sandwich down on the table .

“ I need something” Lexa swallowed “ my hand, my back” 

Clarke nodded pulling her phone out of her pocket and disappearing into the living room .. 

“Clarke?” Abby sighed 

“Lexa needs some pain relief “ 

“ you're in the house? Is Lexa ok?” 

“Can you maybe get Marcus to bring something for her?” Clarke asked ignoring her mother’s questions. “ like now” 

“Oh coarse” Abby answered “ Clarke I just.. 

“Not now mom, can you just lay off for now? Give Lexa some space “ 

Abby nodded even though Clarke couldn’t see her “ I’ll have Marcus bring something over” 

“Thanks” Clarke said ending the call heading back into the kitchen “ Marcus will bring something for you” 

Lexa nodded “ I don’t want Indra or your mom here “ 

“ I know, and that’s ok for now but Lexa you can’t push Indra out, she loves you” 

“ could say the same to you about Abby” 

My mom and I had issues way before all of this.. Indra she only has your best interest at heart”  
I don’t want her here” Lexa said firmly walking past Clarke and headed up stairs leaving Clarke to wait for Marcus.

 

“Hey kiddo how’s she doing?” 

“Not great” Clarke forced a smile “ thanks for bringing these” she tapped the bag with her nails 

Marcus nodded “ you know I could probably fix the window if Lexa is ok with me being outside?” 

Clarke thought it was sweet of Marcus to offer “ that’s really nice of you, thanks.. I better” she thumbed towards the inside “ Lexa’s needs these” 

Marcus nodded he wanted to offer some advise regarding Abby but decided better of it “ I’ll be as quiet and as quick as I can” 

Clarke nodded shutting the door grabbing a glass of water and headed upstairs to Lexa.. as she reached the hall she heard the water running in the bathroom “ Lex? Can I come in?” 

A small yes came through the door and when Clarke entered Lexa was sat in the bath tub with the water running.

“Here” she smiled handing Lexa two pills and the glass of water which she took gladly swallowing the pills “ there’s some cream in here to so maybe when you’re done I can apply it?” 

Lexa nodded watching as Clarke went to leave “you can stay if you want” 

Clarke smiled taking a seat on the toilet “ do you need me to do anything?” 

Lexa shook her head and leaned back on to the tub closing her eyes, the heat from the water helped the aches and pains she was experiencing, Clarke just watched her wondering what she was thinking ..

“ you know I could hurt you” Lexa spoke after a few minutes of silence “ like really hurt you” 

Clarke shifted on the seat feeling a little uncomfortable with where this conversation was heading, she was also glad Lexa still had her eyes closed “ you wouldn’t” 

“You don’t know that” Lexa opened her eyes looking over at the blonde “ you saw me yesterday, I lost it and I have done before, one day you could be on the receiving end of that, or the next time I throw a microwave across the room it might just hit you” 

Clarke shook her head “ I know what you’re doing Lexa and it won’t work” 

“What am I doing?”,

“You’re trying to make me walk and I won’t” 

Lexa shook her head “ I’m just being truthful Clarke,what you saw yesterday is my reality, you know I hit Anya so hard I featured her eye socket, took weeks to heal” 

Clarke’s phone began to sound out, Raven had been sending her messages but she hadn’t opened them .. now was a good time she thought standing up off the toilet “ I know what your reality is Lexa and I know you couldn’t control what you did yesterday, I also know it could happen again and yet I’m still stood here, I’m not walking, my friends are texting me so I’m gonna go into your room and answer them, don’t get that hand wet” she finished walking out of the bathroom leaning the door open in case Lexa needed her.. 

Lexa slammed her head back onto the tub feeling like an idiot, who knew Clarke was so stubborn... 

 

Once dry and dressed Lexa made her way into the bedroom where Clarke was sat on the bed smiling down at her Phone.. 

“You should have gone with them” 

“Well I didn’t “ Clarke Answered not looking up from her phone 

“May I see ?”

Clarke turned her phone for Lexa to see, she too smiled at the photos “ that’s Raven” Clarke Pointed to the smaller brunette “ and that’s Octavia “ both girls were pulling funny faces at the camera and there was a caption “ wish you were here” 

“ you should have gone, you’re missing out”

“ the three of us will have plenty of time for fun when we live together in New York , right now I’m where I want to be so shut up” Clarke was getting a little frustrated with Lexa and her constant attempts at getting Clarke to leave her. “ are you hungry?” 

Lexa didn’t answer she just sat brushing her hair .

“Lexa?.. I said are you hungry?” 

“Oh you want me to answer you?” Lexa said sarcastically “ I thought you just told me to shut up” she smiled 

Clarke rolled her eyes” You’re such an idiot , I’m gonna ask Marcus to grab us some dinner,” 

“No need” Lexa said stopping Clarke “ just order in” 

“ to the house?” 

Lexa nodded pulling off her tshirt “ cream?” 

Clarke nodded taking the cream from the bag “ it’s a little cold” 

“ no problem “ Lexa nodded allowing Clarke to take care of her back, it wasn’t such a big deal to her now having Clarke see her scaring, “ maybe something other then pizza?” 

“ we have a pretty decent Chinese in the town?” Clarke suggested finishing off Lexa’s back .

“Ok” Lexa nodded heading back into the bathroom to finish off her hair .. 

Standing in the bathroom mirror looking at herself she listened in to Clarke ordering food, she heard her repeat the address a few times and then heard her getting a little shitty with the person on the phone who must have asked if she was sure .. 

“Yeah I’m sure” Clarke snapped “ just come around the back .. thank you” 

Lexa looked back to herself, she looked tired, the bags under her eyes so visible, her hair could do with a trim and she really should get the tweezers out to shape up her eyebrows. Lexa was a mess and she knew it.. when she returned to the room Clarke was led on the bed.. “ come here” she patted the space next to her, Lexa kicked off her House shoes and climbed in next to the blonde “ movie?”,

Lexa nodded with a smile as Clarke flicked the tv on and curled up to Lexa’s side .. the soldier really did feel alive when Clarke was around and she knew it was more then an attraction, or someone to cling to.. she was falling for Clarke and she knew there was only one way she would be able to keep the blonde, there was only one way she would be able to be everything Clarke needed and more .. and that was to admit defeat and seek help .. seek professional help, to take hold of her life and over come the pain of her past.. sadly to do that she knew had to let go of the one thing she was sure of .. the one thing she knew was worth healing for.. the one thing that helps her to believe in a tomorrow .. and that was the girl curled up beside her .

After dinner and once Clarke had fallen asleep Lexa crept into the bathroom with her phone ..,

“Lex?” Came a sleepy voice through the phone “ you ok?” 

“ I need you to come get me” 

“What?” Anya asked now fully awake.

 

Lexa held the phone close to her ear as she returned to the bedroom watching Clarke sleep.. letting her go was the only way.. she really believed that Clarke was the one for her but the timing was wrong.. if Lexa could fix herself then she imagined they could have a life together .. a good life.. she just hoped Clarke will understand, that she’ll wait for her.. 

“I’m coming home” 

 

SORRY!!!! It will get better though.. I promise .. RAVEN AND O are back next chapter xx


End file.
